Rambling thoughts on several topics

Someone I once considered more than a friend returned my call yesterday. My original call was to ask about where a bicycle shop that would carry a recumbent bike would be. Of course he called back late yesterday afternoon, when I was already home. His job is very intense and he is "run ragged" daily.
It was good to hear his voice, I always like talking to him. He makes me think, and I like that. The things he made me think about yesterday is that men deal with the ending of a relationship much differently than women. He is obviously very much not his regular self, but I can't tell where he is, because he has retreated back into his cave. He has been there for over 8 months now. Most of the time, when I have heard his voice, there was still a glimmer of light, until this time. He is obviously having a tough time, and yet he won't talk about it. I didn't know how to try to talk to him. He didn't want to talk about it particularly either. When I asked how he was doing, he told me "what" he had been doing. When I pointed that out to him, he regaled me with a story of his sister telling him the same thing... still, he didn't answer the question. Finally, he said he didn't know how he was doing, but I know he isn't doing well. You guys who read this, any insight to your Mars behavior in this situation would help. He is a strong person, i know he will get through it just fine, but I want to actually BE a friend, and I don't know what to do to accomplish that without doing it in a woman's way.
When I went through my breakup, I wanted my friends around, I wanted to talk to them and they were great to listen about how I was feeling. Obviously, that isn't going to be beneficial in this situation.

I like what MyzChaos said in her blog (I don't know how to do links, sorry) about how much to tell or not, whether it is ammunition or a trust issue. My marriage was to my best friend. I told him things I had never told anyone, not even my mother, who I am very close to. I thought my secrets were safe with him for a long time. He never told anyone that I know of, but now I am not so sure he kept it to himself.
He definitely let it affect him and he didn't talk to me about it, but it hindered our relationship and I never knew it until it was much much too late to save the relationship.
Amused Muse is still very good friends with her exhusband, so the conversation about why I am not has come up more than once.

First of all, I was willing to do anything to save that relationship and marriage, he was not. He was emotionally absent and chose to stay that way.

Second, our friendship was the best, and the basis for the relationship, and I am not willing to let him have the best part when he wasn't willing to even try to save the rest.

Third, my feelings are obviously still very raw, and I am somewhat, for lack of a better word, bitter, so I don't think that is going to go away anytime soon. I have tried to let it all go, but deep down, when you have invested almost all of yourself, and I say almost, due to the few things you do not ever share about yourself with someone else, for whatever reason, sometimes it doesn't all go away for a very long time.

Does it stop me from thinking I am ready for another relationship? NO. Does that mean I am looking for another relationship? NO
Does that mean I don't want one? NO

so there's the mystery. or the old shoes, or the conundrum. I agree with MyzChaos, that place they make you go, that you don't want to be, and yet you can't leave is miserable. You have to force yourself to do something else.

MyzChaos worries she needs to grow up because all her friends are. Not so... but realize that when they have children, your commonalities will go "poof" to a great extent. Don't settle.

Amused Muse and I have an acquaintance that got married this month. She didn't tell anyone until it was done. She sent several people links to the photos, who were taken by a professional photographer.
Amused Muse said it wasn't a spur of the moment decision since they had a photographer.

What? Look at those pictures, she had two friends there, no family. His daughter and a friend were there, no other family. It was done at the Vineyard, not a church. There were no flowers other than her bouquet.

Oh, so then Amused Muse asked why her mother wasn't there. Well she does live out of town and is in poor health, but then she does have local family and sisters that could have been there...
Her smile in all the photos looked very fake. She is a beautiful woman but she does put on a facade that never ceases to amaze me. She is the social butterfly trying to climb the social ladder, which is why she is the acquaintance and not a friend.
You never know which facade you will see.

Anyway, Amused Muse says, very prophetically, "She settled". Yes, I agree, she didn't want to be alone, so she married a man that doesn't fit most of the descriptions she had previously discussed openly of what she liked in men. But hey, now she doesn't have to be alone, or do her own taxes, or worry about how much money she spends each week....

yes that is how shallow that pond is.

Last Christmas I had a guy I was seeing that bragged on our first date that he had not 1, but 4 mercedes. Hence his nickname became Mr. Mercedes right away. He flaunted what he had, felt the need for me to know. He finally asked why I never really respond to those comments. I told him it wasn't what he had or the promises of courtside seats to Spurs games (which I never did get to see), but what he was like on the inside. Needless to say, it was fun while there was mystery and intrigue. Now, there isn't any intrigue and he had major issues and still does.

It is the thrill of the chase isn't it? Isn't that why we do things like courting, geocaching, or go through life seeking that great vocation.

I don't know, but I feel better just getting it out. Now back to real life...