Sunday, October 28, 2007

Spooky Loo

I really like Halloween

When I was little

I remember my mother

was mad at me

on one particular Halloween

I was in the bathtub

and we were getting ready

to go to a carnival

or to trick or treat

that part I am not sure of

I have childhood memories

in bits and pieces


she threatened to not let me

wear my "pixie" costume

(I am not sure it was a pixie,

it might have been a ballerina,

or something else that is

completely out of character for me)

if I didn't "blah blah blah"

but she was standing there

ironing it

after I got out of the tub and went

into her room

I remember the fear

and hurt

of possibly not going

wherever we were going

I wanted to go

I wanted to wear my costume

I wanted to have

the bejeebies scared out of me

I wanted to get candy

I wanted to see all the others dressed up

and I do think I went,

but I don't remember that one night


I remember my dad carving a pumpkin

with me, for me,

and I took it to school.

It was first or second grade

and as I was carrying it

six blocks home

a friend offered to carry it for me

It was heavy for me

and I let her

and she dropped it

and it broke apart...

right around the middle
where the mouth was
and I cried,
I mean I cried so hard
and so long that I still remember it

and all I remember is that
My Daddy
my daddy fixed it
He used toothpicks
and made my jackolantern
better than it was to begin with.

The school I went to
had a Halloween Carnival
and in one classroom
they were showing
Halloween film strips
of the Three Stooges
who were my favorite as a child.
I can still remember parts of it.
There were games
and Bobbing for Apples
which you won't see again
It was great
I have been to carnivals
helped run carnivals
and I still think the ones
at Roscoe Willson Elementary
were the best

My mom always made popcorn balls
to give out to trick or treaters
back when you could have home made treats
that were the best.

One year, my brothers
and a bunch of their friends
had heard a noise in a back yard
several blocks from our house
they thought there was an
Elephant in the yard
and it was dark
but it sounded like
an elephant trumpeting
and my mom let me
ride my bike
at the young age of 6
with a bunch of neighborhood boys
to a house several blocks away
in the dark
on or near Halloween+
and it was
so exciting
and scary
and we rode
and rode
and rode
and we got there
and heard the "elephant" calling
and the boys weren't very tall
and the fence was

they guys were all whooping
and hollering
and full of themselves
Then one of them
made it up over the fence
and saw what was trumpeting
It was a squeaky windmill
and no elephant
but it was
an exciting evening

Right after second grade
we moved out into the country
and there was no real trick or treating
to be done
When I was a teenager
we drove into town
and went trick or treating
with our pillow case bags
but we did all dress up

I have always loved haunted houses
and costume parties
and carnivals

In my early twenties
and the
Rocky Horror Picture Show
became a great night
in the theater
with dressing up
and props
and a carnival feel
I have seen it
over 50 times

Over the years
I have gone to parties
haunted houses
dance clubs that had costume contests

and have great memories of all of them.

I have had a great time celebrating this year
A club night out on Friday
A costume party on Saturday
The haunted house is scheduled for tomorrow night
and after giving out candy on Halloween
I will go to the RHPS (see above)
with the muse

I hope my ability to really enjoy
Halloween and it's
doesn't end anytime soon....

and what was I for the costume party?

A very sexy witch
complete with fishnet stockings
lace spider web gloves with the fingers cut off
high heeled boots
and hat with black feathers around the edge.
and I have the pictures to prove it.

Happy Halloween!!!!
Have Fun Trick or Treating!!!

Sunday, October 21, 2007

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

If you have been reading long
you know that my co-workers
for the two previous years
were challenging
when it came to "getting along"
and this was suppose to be a
"fresh start year"
with Boo and I and three new ones added
to the mix
well apparently
from the little talking to
I received yesterday
the three new ones are fine when with us
but are going to the supervisors
with complaints about me
and even though
I have read a Dale Carnegie Book
and 7 Habits book
and have been "trying" to
win friends
it ain't happening, according to the powers that be...

well I was contemplating a move
next year, after actually
contemplating it this year
it would have come to fruition in June
if I hadn't thought I had something
to hang around for
that was just working out of town
for the summer
and my son hadn't stayed longer
than expected
but alas
here I am
truly contemplating a move
not just in the Alamo City
Not just in the Lone Star State
but anywhere
anywhere there is a title 1 school
that needs a a kinder teacher
who is a damn good teacher
who has a high IQ and can work
just fine on her own
or with others who aren't back stabbers
or mealy mouthers

If they only knew what I have heard
or seen, the shoe might be on the other foot
but one of the things the book says
is not to gossip

so here I am
looking at the coast
the Gulf Coast, the East Coast
the hill country, but close to the Eastern
part of the Alamo City

My mother would love for me
to return to the Panhandle
but I know I cannot survive there
due to the weather
lack of trees and water
but perhaps somewhere in between

yes, I had recently thought
of two more years here
then building a house
and if the year turns out well
I may still consider that one
but not at this time

All I can do at this point
is continue to work
on my heart, body
and apparently my personality

I guess we are all suppose to be lemmings
and not the individuals we are
in the new world

what was really funny was
that she suggested I go to counseling
and my counselor
who I have seen off and on for 5 years
due to my son situation mostly
but with work too
wouldn't agree with her at all
because we have discussed it

guess I will stay in my room
and enjoy my kids
who are great
it is going to be a great year
with the kids
and the rest
it will come out in the wash

but yeah
I wake up at 3 am
thinking more than I should
I am teary

it's like being told
you are the bad penny
and you won't ever be any better

so boys and girls
it isn't ok to be different
or yourself
because we all need to play nice
and get along

which is what I was trying to do...
but it's like trying to play basketball
when you are really a football player

you are like a bull in a china shop

so it has been a hard week.

and as happy as I am
that the muse
has someone to cook for
cook with
sleep with
hold her and say sweet things to her
it is really hard to hear her talk about it
because right now
I need someone here
and they aren't
and I have to realize
they may never be
and I have to learn
to do it for myself

It is a big order
and a hard one
so Ia m going to work on it now

I may not be around much for awhile
it was hard enough to sit down today
and write.

Have a great day...

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

IS it ok to Flirt ... or.... IT IS ok to Flirt

Our campus went to a
"synchronized" Air Conditioning System
right before school started.
So this company came out
and installed all the stuff
and now it is all controlled
not on our campus
but at the Main Office
and/or by the AC company
that installed it
and it is all computerized

In the interest of getting my room
set up and ready to go
i was at school when they
head "honchos" from the AC company
were there
installing and checking it out
One of the guys was friendly
I let him use my computer
I had some issues with my room
not working properly
and finally after a few visits
he got it fixed
It had a broken part
in the unit that cools my room
and the room next to me.

He gave me his business card
and said
if I had any more trouble
to just call him, if it occurred
in the next two weeks

Of course there were no other issues
I did email him
and offer a cold drink as a thank you
for the "fixing" of the ac
but got no response
then at Meet the Teacher night
he was there again
the over ride had not been set
and it was very toasty in our building
he used my computer
I shared a cold bottle of water
and again, he said I could call
if there were any problems,
but I have still not had any.

A few weeks ago, I saw him on campus,
and he was friendly
and I was glad I had dressed nicely that day
and had on makeup
so I was self conscious

Last Thursday
I was in my room alone
and turned around to find him there
with a co-worker
asking about the air
and if it had been cool
The air was
but I wasn't
I was very toasty
I was giddy and silly
and turning red
we were talking but not really saying anything
I said the other rooms were having issues
when we had fire drills
with the air cutting off
for the rest of the day
but I hadn't had that problem
and no
I hadn't called him
because the issue wasn't with me
it was with others.
He asked several questions
trying to figure out
why that would occur
and one of them
was if the drill was after hours
and I had to explain that we
kinda have to have those when the kids were there
and then my phone (class phone) rang
and as I went to answer it
he said
they were just out
checking on their hot teachers

and I didn't get the joke (ac man, hot teachers... lol)
until later,
I took it as a compliment and said thanks
and he was gone before I said goodbye

I wanted to call
and ask him out again
after I realized I thought he was flirting
but I couldn't find it
and then I remembered why
I threw it away
I didn't want to be tempted
to drunk dial it
I mean
he does flirt
and had flirted
but I didn't think it was going to be
anything more.

but I couldn't tell him that
so I emailed
and asked if we could meet
for a cool drink sometime
but if I had misconstrued
it never hurt to ask

and he responded

When? you have my number...

ummmmm actually
I don't, and finally
I emailed him back

and was honest
I don't have it
but here is my cell number

and I can tell you why I don't
when I see you
I said

I haven't heard back
but I am enjoying the flirting

I like to flirt
it is Ok to flirt
and often

and you never know
what might happen

Monday, October 08, 2007

Rambling On and On

I have thought of several posts to write of late. However, I haven't had enough time to "expand" on the thought and get it down on "paper" here
So this is a collection of some of my thoughts...
not in any particular order
other than the order of how I remembered them
when I sat down just now...

First of all
the week before I went to my mom's
I went to the cable company
and picked up a DVR
you know
one of those boxes that helps me
record shows and look at all the channels
and stop and start a show so I am not
missing a show

I had one a little over a year ago
and I got rid of it
to save on my monthly expenses

I missed it
I missed it every time I didn't get to see CSI
because I was watching Gray's Anatomy

and when I was at my mom's
and she could rewind and listen to what I missed

and I am loving it
I spent a good part of Saturday Night
watching shows from the week
since I wasn't home any night last week

Yeah, I know
I had a dinner date on Monday
(that's one that ain't working out)
Dinner with RJ on Tuesday
Dinner at PF Changs by myself on Wednesday
Thursday Muse and I went to happy hour at our favorite hangout
Friday I stayed at work til 9

Anyway, I loved sitting on the couch
speeding through the commercials
watching what I wanted to
when I had time to
It was nirvana
I watched CSI, Grays Anatomy,
Criminal Minds, Desperate Housewives,
Side Order of Life

I was sharing my thrill of watching
what I wanted to
with Mr. Duvall on Sunday afternoon
hee hee hee hee
and he asked if I had taped any
of the baseball games during the week

Shit... no, I wish I had thought of that
but I didn't.
but I will now.

I love the new show called
Big Bang Theory
it is hilarious
and I am cheering
for the geek in it
I love it

They are playing the Wii
on How I met your mother,
I love it
that is how the tennis is
btw if you haven't played a Wii

things are weird at work
and it doesn't look like they are getting any better
anytime soon,
but we will see
looks like it will come to a head tomorrow

keep ya posted
if it is worth talking about

A few weeks ago
when I was cooking
fried green tomatoes
I had to buy peanut oil
did I tell you that story?

at the grocery store
peanut oil comes in two sizes
one small bottle
just enough for a big pan full
it comes
in a 5 gallon bucket
I was standing in the store
what would I do with a
5 gallon bucket
then I had a vision
similar to mud wrestling
but with peanut oil instead
I left a voicemail
with Mr. Sullivan
because we had talked of it once
explaining the hilarious thing
that had just happened to me...

and weeks later, yes it has been
at least a month
I got an email from him today
asking if I knew
where he could get some
peanut oil
it was a much needed laugh
that I really needed.

I wrote back
that I had some in the swimming pool
in my spare room.

I hope he laughed too

funny, he has been in my thoughts of late
as others have as well
must be the time of year
and subtle reminders
the baseball playoffs
cooler nights
made for drinking outside
football season
I miss going to highschool football games
I know, I thought I never would
but I do...
it is just hard to watch them
when there is
not a child I know
that is playing
and I am not an alumni
nor is anyone I am with
since I have no one to go
to one with...

then again,
even when you choose not to date
doesn't mean
you never wish you had someone
to go to a ball game with

Cycles, things come and go
in cycles
I have a friend
or actually, now that I think
about it
that I have talked to
off and on
for several years
one for three
from early blogging days
who has gotten back in touch
and it was great
to chat with him
for an afternoon
he lurks here often
with my blessing
and even though
he has his own trials
and tribulations
we enjoyed a friendly reparte'
here just the other day
and it was great respite
from both our worries

and then there is the other one
I have known for over 6 years
and is in Australia
we met when I first started
struggling with insomnia
it was a perfect relationship
I was unable to sleep and online
he was just getting his day started
and was online
Over the years
we have talked on the phone
when he was flying through the states
and we chatted online when we were both here
and we have always flirted
in a friendly, innocent way
and sometimes
he would flirt more
and others, when i learned
he was dating someone
he flirted less
of late
he has been leaving me messages
every day almost
that are very flirty
and yet, I know
it is a cycle
that will end
when his loneliness subsides

today, I wanted a shoulder
a hug, someone to talk to me
and that I could talk to

and so
the cycle returns
or the tides turn
and I wish I had someone
to talk to and hold
more often
than the
never predictable
Sunday afternoon

no matter how great it is
or well he has treated me
(which is amazingly well)
it is still what it is
and it isn't what I want
in the long run

I wish I knew
what the alignment
of the planets is today
so I could stay home in bed
next time

needless to say

it has been
and a HALF

but now it is over...

I am off to write a birthday post
on Bennu Too
since I can't sleep...

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Out and About

Last week
while in the airport
waiting for my flight
out of town,
A conversation
with a man
who lives in the Alamo City
he was interested
in taking me to dinner,
I learned when it was time
for me to board the plane
so I gave him my number
at the time
nothing will come of it
I liked him, I thought
he was hispanic
when in actuality
he is middle eastern
but he was very charming
and there were some sparks

and wanted me to have dinner
on the evening I returned from my trip
At first, I accepted
then after returning
to son troubles
I called and rescheduled
and Monday evening
we met and had dinner
the food was wonderful
the conversation was great
so... you are wondering
what was amiss

well, in our phone conversations
he kept bringing up sex
and how good his equipment is
and how women are always so
now, you should know by now
that I have no issue with discussing
such matters
but when we haven't even
had a first date
It really is a turn off for me
so yes, I was leary
of having dinner
or anything else
and yes, I did just have dinner
and no hanky panky dessert

then last night
after having my hair done
and feeling pretty
I wanted to go somewhere
and I was hungry
so I went to my favorite
chinese food restaurant
and sat at the bar

Not too long after I sat down
a man sat down next to me
he was a bit older
he was friendly
turns out we went to the same college
and grew up near each other
he was meeting his daughters for dinner
he was in town from San Diego
on his way to a high school reunion

We had a great time
and I just kept thinking
man... if he invited me back to his hotel room
I would be there in a heartbeat

he introduced me to the daughters
on their arrival
and included me
in the conversation
before they departed
for their table

I hadn't been there long
when he showed up
just long enough to order
a drink and calamari
which I ate after he arrived
so I stayed
and ate dinner
and wrote some notes
for work
and enjoyed another drink
before I left
and they were still at their table
visiting when I walked out

I wanted to walk over
and give him my number
I wanted to thank him for
the great conversation
I wanted to see if he would
visit with me after they left

but I didn't

I couldn't

and as I walked to the car
I thought how funny it was
that I met two men
in public
in a week
one couldn't wait to get me alone
and I didn't want him to
just because of his words
and choice of topic
and the other
I would have slept with
in a heart beat
but alas, he
wasn't really an option
I mean, c'mon
San Diego?
but man he was really interesting.
And he paid me a great compliment
Seattle came up,
I said I had a son there,
my 20 year old
and he said,
"You don't look old enough
to have a 20 year old"

say it with me

thank you!!!!

so.... an interesting week
so... far....