Monday, October 30, 2006

Mr. Turnaround's Return

After 9, count'em
9 days of not seeing him
I saw him tonight
The muse even met him
and gave him the overwhelming
Thumbs up
and reminded me
that there will be no more bartering of men
a unconvincing "he's not my type" commentary
which I did not believe

I enjoyed his company very much
He told stories of his weekend and
what was new with him
but he didn't ask any questions
except how the costume party was
and I told the tales of the wild night
at the VFW
(yeah it was wild)

while he was here, my phone rang 5 times or more
one was Mr. Duvall
who I did call back
and his brother is very ill
probably dying
and he needed someone to talk to
he called while following the ambulance to the hospital
he only told me a little of what was going on
and asked if I would be around later

for you honey, I am here anytime
you have been too good to me for me not to

so I am waiting for that phone call back

then some one that my son in Seattle is subletting from
called for a reference
and she gave me some background on the guys that he is renting this place with and offered to check on him whenever I had a concern
so that was nice

and Mr. Plumber,
who tried to play me
and the Muse
this summer called

how in the hell he still had my number
I have no idea
his mother is very sick
he needed someone to talk to
so he called me


Hello I am Bennu
and I am the one
whose shoulder you can cry on
who will take care of you when you are sick
who listens when you talk
you can take full advantage of
emotionally anyway.

ok so I am exaggerating

I am glad Mr. Duvall has me to talk to
and that he calls and confides
in me
and I like having him to call and confide in as well

He doesn't let me feel bad
he reminds me
that real men don't feel sorry for themselves
and if they do
they don't let others know about it

and tonight
when he called back
he asked
"Tell me your problems again.."

"Oh no you don't, I told them to you Saturday night and I caught hell, tonight it is your turn and I will listen."

and no
Mr. Turnaround didn't even hint
at when I would see him again

I, suprisingly, I know, didn't ask.

My favorite bartender told me tonight
that any thing I say
close to what I want to convey to him
would run him off in a heartbeat
so I am waiting

don't faint
but I am waiting


ok so maybe not so patiently
but I am waiting

Thursday, October 26, 2006

What I Did Last Sunday

A couple of weeks ago
I was watching a show
Texas Country Reporter
which is kinda "hokey" sometimes
and sometimes they have a place
or something that looks really cool

This time it was something really cool
They were talking about this place
that offered Canopy Tours

Canopy as in
the canopy of a tree
and tour
as in zip lines
from one tree to another
about 40 feet off the ground

Last month was RJ's birthday
and I had not done anything for him yet
so I called him up and asked
when he had a free day, because
my idea was going to take about a day

He said Sunday. So last Sunday
RJ and I went zipping through the air
between trees and
traversed across suspension bridges
and leaned out off the platform
with our harness holding us and no hands

and it was a great time.

I didn't tell him what we were doing until we were half way there
and he was excited
but not half as excited
as he was when we were done
he couldn't wait to go again
and really
neither can I
It was terrific fun

The best part was how much fun he had
and much he appreciated the experience as my birthday gift to him
the excitement in his voice
the way his eyes lit up when he talked to his girlfriend on the phone about it,


and I had a blast too...

Sunday, October 22, 2006


What does ED mean to you?

Is it a name, as in a horse? or short for Edward?

Is it EDucation?

Is it something you put after your name after you have your doctorial education or Masters degree in education?

My new friend, Mr. Turnaround
has this great answer for why things didn't go well
in his marriage
or have trouble with other people
and since he works with special ed students
he thinks these "problem" people

Now he didn't explain to me his definition of this
prescription or description of others
because I am also in education
so he
assumed I knew what he meant

and in my book
ED is Emotionally Disturbed

Oh Fuck,

I am ED

so I told him
I am ED

and of course he asked me why I said it

because I am

in my book we all are
to some degree

I mean

come on
I like to know when I am going to see him again

My emotions are a roller coaster
or in most minds

I am moody

but hey
at least I seem alive
and not a zombie
who has no personality
and I am
not so
that I am off the charts
and need a padded room
(although, many days I wish I had one)


once again
he left
with no hint at when I would see him again

and I sat here
getting more pissed off
by the minute

I mean
this man showed up at my door on Friday night who didn't care if we went somewhere or sat here.
then he had a bright idea to go to the liquor store and buy stuff to make margaritas and I said ok, let's go... (ummm take note, I don't drink tequila, and he did already know this about me)
so we did
and came back with all the stuff
and stood in my kitchen and mixed them
I drank them anyway
and they were actually good
but I knew I would pay for it
and boy did I
but not in the way I thought I would

He drank way too much in a very short time (3 hours)
and the next thing I know, I am standing over him
as he lost his cookies all over my front yard
in front of my neighbors
If he had long hair, I would have been holding it back
for him
then (30 + minutes later)
sat with him on the couch as he crouched over
with his elbows on his knees and his head on his arms
He was too dizzy to sit up,
much less sit up
so with wet cloth in hand
to cool him off
I am sat and and held and cooled him off for 2+ hours
and then we turned and I held him on the couch until I fell asleep and woke up at 3 am and made him
go upstairs and lay down so I could at least sleep
I mean, he wasn't driving home
he barely made it up the stairs

he slept it off
got up to go watch a football game his son was playing in
and got queazy when he drank some water and took some Tylenol.

It was not a fun evening.
He did, at least come come back
and eat lunch and talk to me a bit
but then left
just as much of an enigma
as usual
and I didn't take it well.

and then I wonder

why do I care?
I am still trying to figure that out....

positive thinking? We are both trying to sabottage something that could be really great.... and he isn't much of a drinker.... as Walker would say "Goodie, more for me".

Friday, October 20, 2006

Halloween Parties

The muse has twisted my arm
so she didn't have to twist very hard

but we are going to attend a Halloween Party

A Halloween COSTUME Party

and she has had a great time coming up with her costume

and everything I wanted to do
would have taken more preparation
and money than I have of time and money right now

so.... hmmmm I always went to parties
and dressed up
not that many years ago
on Halloween

I have been a
Half Man / Half Woman
Conehead (from SNL)

and yes those are all as adults

oh and have worn a Toga or two

but renting
or making
I can't do

so what do I have still

the Gorilla,
that's not sexy

the conehead and cape

hmmm maybe

oh wait

I can wear my wedding dress
(which I love and know I will never sell or wear again for such a reason)

and I have tennis shoes


that's the ticket

The Runaway Bride

Now... my mom is shipping it
It will have a most disgusting odor of smoke
when it arrives

and I will not have it cleaned

it will be smokey where we are going...

but can I fit into it? that is the question..

It will be fun to see
I don't think I can just yet
or even by Halloween
but the muse
is a whiz
as a seamstress so
she will come to my rescue

and I will get to feel as pretty
as I did the day I got married
and for that

any party is worth it...

TGIF: I have a date with Mr. Turnaround

This week has been a stressful one where work is concerned
I am really glad it is over
Or at least nearly over

AND I have a date with Mr. Turnaround
I am really excited about that
since neither of us
has to get up early in the morning
so we don't have to
worry about going home and going to sleep
so we aren't zombies

I don't know what we are going to do
but I do know
that he has to be at the highschool ball game gate
so that students of the Jr. High can get in for free
and RJ thinks I should surprise him there
but I am not so sure

I look forward to Fridays
but they seem to be
my melt down day

I am so exhausted from working my ass off all week
that I just melt down and veg out
when work is over
or I fall asleep on the couch

so I am not so sure
I will be much fun
on my date
but I do know
that I am really looking forward to seeing him

and he even said that he would go
to the haunted house with me

that's a big plus

so we will see

The World Series Starts Saturday
I know that he will be watching that
and I might get offered a ticket to watch it with him
if I don't distract him

hmmmm not even during the commericials?


yes I am still giddy, yes even RJ,
who saw me Wednesday,
says I have that stupid grin

I hope I don't get my heart broken again
at least not soon
because I am finding it harder and harder
to open my heart to someone
each time

but so far
this time
is all good

no dishonesty
or lying (that I know of)
and pretty straight forward

although hard to read at times

Monday, October 16, 2006

Hot Date

Mr. Turnaround called this morning

We were chatting about our weekends.

Then he asked what I was doing right then,

(honestly, I was checking email to see if he had written) and I said "I am just about ready to go to work"
and we talked some more
and then I asked him what he was doing


"Where are you going at ten after six? You are never at work before 7:45... "

"Thought I would come by and wish you a good day before you go to work"

AHHHHHHH How Sweet....

I was so pleasantly surprised...

and then
then I got a hot date for tonight... woo hoo

came home early to walk and clean up a bit...

have to go now

Hope you know how big the grin on my face is right now...

and has been all day.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

A Brand New Day

Eventually an electrician came
to take care of my smoldering outlet

whoa, that could be the first line of a fantasy post
but it isn't.

He really did come and fix the outlet in the dining room. It only took 6 hours to get a response out of the management...

the good thing about renting
someone else has to pay the electrician

the bad thing about renting
you have to wait for the management to get things done
and hope they do it right.

anyway, afterwards the Muse and I
went on a progressive jello shot geocaching tour near my house. Everytime we found a cache, we took a jello shot. That was a great, cheap, fun afternoon, then we came home and I made stew and she went home to her house, because we couldn't sit outside when it started raining.

It is still raining at my house, but that is ok,
I am going to see Mr. Duvall this afternoon
so that I can enjoy my rainy day to the fullest extent.

It is a brand new day, I am in a much better mental state and I am looking forward to a great afternoon.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

I Started a Scary Fire

First of all

Breakfast was great on Thursday
but no prospects on when
the next date will be
I am trying to be patient
but I find
I am more impatient
each time
and I like knowing when I will see
someone I really like again

but again, I am trying to be patient

on to the shit

I have had 3, count them, 3 shitty days
I have taken them harder
that they truly were
but to me
all three (and this is just the beginning of the third)
have been shit, pure shit.

Little things that I usually could just let go
drives me nuts
like the slowest checker on earth
at the grocery store
or the landlord
putting a note in my box stating
I hadn't paid my rent, when I had
and I had a duplicate copy of my check
and a photocopy of the check after he cashed it
or deadlines at school I am not sure I can make
or wishing a man would call when he hasn't
(he did, but he didn't make another date yet, I am still working on that patience thing)
or the fact I watch only one show these days
on TV, although there are several I like
I make it a point to watch Gray's Anatomy
and this week it really hit a little too
close to home and that pissed me off
or parents at school throwing a fit
because someone took their child's quarter
and I didn't give it back to him,
because another child claimed it
The substitute teacher was there
I was attending a waste of time ESL training

so you see that list could be longer
but wait

I have been contemplating where in my house
to put my prized antique floor lamp
and I finally had a revelation
of where would be the perfect spot
in my dining room
so I moved the water dispenser
to the kitchen
where the metal shelf of canned food was
and moved the shelf next to the stove
and the folding chairs to the hall closet
(so you know there was prep work to be done)
and then I moved the lamp
and got down on the floor to see where
behind the Possum Belly Cabinet there was an outlet
to plug it into

and of course
it was right behind the leg of the cabinet
so I shifted the cabinet,
which is full of my prized dishes
and crystal
and plugged it in
got up and tried to turn the lamp on
so I get back down on the floor
ready to unplug it from one spot
and into the other
to see if that helps
and the outlet is melting
before my eyes
I quickly unplug the lamp
and watch to see if the hole in the wall
gets any bigger
and think

Shit girl, you could have done this after most humans
are up on Saturday Morning
but no, you do it at 6 am
after you have already been to Starbucks for Chai Tea
and you can't call anyone
except the fire dept.

that might be fun
no, quit that

ok, so I will call the landlord
and get the answering service
and I am sitting here,
waiting for them to call back
the hole isn't any bigger
but it is warm against the wall
so I think it is smoldering in the wall
but I am watching it...
with the other lights on
like an idiot
but I don't know where all the breakers are

RJ is suppose to have breakfast with me today
so we will see
what he thinks

then I look at my horoscope for the day
which has been right on for several days now

and it said:

If it's at all possible today, avoid driving or operating any heavy machinery. If this sounds like a prescription label to you, then just think of it as a prescription for your day. The big problem will be your energy -- it will not be dependable. Expect mood swings that send you off in unexpected directions. Your mind will wander with little (if any) provocation. Recent revelations on your mind may keep you from fully focusing on the tasks that demand your attention.

and dammit
I want to know when I get to see
Mr. Turnaround again
but I am not calling him or emailing him

and why didn't I read that before playing with electricity?

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Did I Tell You?

Did I tell you that I met a really good guy?

Did I tell you that we have a breakfast date tomorrow morning?

Did I tell you it is a full service breakfast, with a waitress (statistically, it will be a woman wait person) ?

Did I tell you I am really giddy over him?

Did I tell you that he called tonight, to let me know
how the games ended up (yes, he is a coach)?

Did I tell you that since he called I have been grinning
ear to ear?

Why? Because he seems to be a really good guy, he asked about my day, he surprises me by telling me that he is anxious to see me as well, and, and, and
the kissing and hugging are fantabulouso mucho mucho.

AND he is going to be 10 minutes earlier than we discussed previously, so that I can get my kiss quotient in.... (I didn't word it that way with him<>

and I have to tell you, because the people I work and play with are really really tired of me telling them....

but I know what it is

I know they are just jealous

they don't have that school girl crush feeling...

even if they are married and love their spouses

they feel the way I felt
when RJ and his girlfriend
talk about each other
it is syrupy and if it isn't happening to you
almost disheartening, even though you wish the best for them, you don't want to be subjected to the "mushy stuff"


I do have have to tell you...

I have a breakfast date tomorrow, and I am not sure
I will be able to sleep, I am so excited...

*she scrunches her shoulders and smiles like a little girl who is excited about Santa Claus coming to her house...

yeah, it is that bad

and I love

have a great day, mine is going to have a great start...

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Another Great Date

I cannot wipe this
shit eatin' grin off my face

Mr. Turnaround


it was a great date

trains, cacti, the moon, the crisp clear evening air

and a man
apparently finds me
just as intriguing as
I find him

I did a little more
on his kissing abilities

since the other night I only got one

and over the course of 2 hours

we did some record breaking killer kissing

and his job?

He said it was his job to put a smile on my face
and keep it there

Give that man a raise,

he is doing an outstanding job

wonder what kind of work he can do in other departments.... time will tell

oh and guess what....

(she grins)
I have a breakfast date on Thursday
not a hit and run breakfast
but a full service breakfast
with a booth to sit in and
neck while waiting for food

ok ok
I wish I could sit in public and neck
but I might not be able to

we will see...

Have a great day... I already am
and will be smiling for at least a day.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Chocolates, Chocolates, Nanar Nanar Nanar, I got the Chocolates

Thank you Walker

This is


the best week I have had
in a very. very long time

first a great new man
then a long awaited
fantasy come true with the best man I know
and then
I come home to a box
of decadent chocolates
in my mailbox

They are wonderful
I couldn't rip the package open fast enough

and just when I decided
my name wasn't on the chocolate list anymore

I was totally surprised

See.... good things do come to those who wait....

a thousand times
thank you

you put a smile on top of the smile I had
when I got home...

I am in Nirvana

of course

a trip to the pool is in order...

after one more chocolate decadence

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

True Confession


a few weeks ago

the muse and I went to the coast?

and on Bennu Too

I posted some pictures

of my feet and a bird and the waves?

Well the day I was trying to post that
was a TUESDAY night late

and the pictures wouldn't upload

and I was trying to upload them straight from the memory stick
rather than downloading them to the hard drive and then
uploading them to blogger.

Long story short

they wouldn't upload

and I couldn't figure out why

so I picked a picture of me
that the Muse took
while we were at the beach

and uploaded to the online dating site
that I have an ad on

and instantly, it uploaded

so... it wasn't OE (operator error)

but simply that Blogger was not a happy camper that night and everybody and their dog was probably posting

so I went to bed and tried again Wednesday morning

completely forgetting to delete the swimsuit picture.

meanwhile on the dating site

at the time
I was not "subscribing"

but since I uploaded that picture

I have had over 20 hits on my ad

and so far

I have met 6 of those guys

one of them I partook in too much fun
on Monday night

but I have known with each one of them
that I was not having as much fun

as fun as they have been

as I would like to feel with another person

but tonight

well boys and girls

tonight the tables turned

I met Mr. "Turn Around"

That's right

when I showed the Muse his pictures
that is what she said

she wanted to see his


which I must say
after close personal inspection

as spectacular
as the rest of him


we met tonight

at the restaurant that has
a bad reputation for me

it is the place I get stood up
more than any other place

but hey I could have gone to the bookstore
if I had been stood up
but I wasn't

and I was
pleasantly surprised
at how much I was attracted to
Mr. Turn Around



It was reciprocated

we have another date on Monday

which is great

because this weekend

the muse and I have a date
Saturday night
with Mr. Duvall and his friend

who will now be known

The boys from down south

and we are expecting to have a
most wonderful time
at her house Saturday night
just hanging out, shooting the bull
and cooking on the grill

but man

it is about time
that a man made my heart
and blood
like Mr. Turnaround did

and the best part?

besides the great kisses,
the great hug
the hand holding
and the planning of
the second date?

He is single,
very, long time been

and he looks damn good
in those jeans and that hat

and eyes,

eyes that smile and are deep
and intriguing
making me wish we had
spent more time kissing

a little picture of me
in a swim suit
on the beach

yeah it turned some heads
and one of them
was more promising than
the others

but don't get me wrong
they are all good guys
but this one

this one
made my heart throb
like I was in high school again.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

New Beginnings for Leilani

Every new beginning is

some other beginnings end.

Lost love sucks

and the ending of something,

due to poor communication

really sucks.

Sometimes just facing the ending

of something you had such good feelings
and high hopes for


And that empty feeling in your gut
and the tears that won't stop flowing
and the sadness at the end of the day
when you drive home alone
and wish you had something
or someone
there to look forward to...

that is the part that just kills me

but the old addage
that time will heal all wounds

It is the truth

but it doesn't mean there isn't a scar

or that you forget

or that you don't wish it were different

but we must press on

and continue with our lives as best we can

as the muse would say

"I just put on my big girl panties and get over it".

She helped me with a shattered heart

and now hers is wounded
and I will be there for her

I can't fix it
but I might be able to take her mind off it a bit

and I hope you, my dear Leilani, can do the same

good to hear that things were amicable and that you were nice about it, regardless of how it made you feel.

Monday, October 02, 2006


She said
"Hold On..." while she put the phone down
and the key in the door.
(typos galore, because I am too stoned to backspace now)
She tepped inand put her purse
keys down and picked the phone up from the portch

I am home
save and sound
she said to her friend
who wsa talking her though a drive from hell
home from her dateshouse where
he toxically inebrieted her with gaseous
fumes form some weed that she had not had
any of in over 25 years, and even then, she oouldnt
remember it being anywhere near thsi cool (hee hee hee)

but now she was home
and her friend was talking to her
and she was ok
she sat down at the computer
and realized that she had the munchies
there were three chocolate fudge cookies
with orange halloween icing and sprinkles of
black orance and white.
Small, bitesize cookies
She took one of the cookies
whole and in tact
into her mouth
and pushed it into the roof of her mouth
swirling her tongue around and around
enjoiing the flavor mixed whthe her saliva and the texture against her tonge and roof of her mouth
and as she sat there
decadently sucking on this cookie
she thought about it

they really don't come around often
and she was tired of plying life safe

she has had chances to go off
for a weekend on a jet plane
and turned them down
in the last 6 months
and other things as well
and you know what
she thought
life is for living
and taking advantage of the moment
seizing opportunities

and tonight
tonight she had
an opportunity to escape
to revert back to an innocent
18 year old
who giggled and laughed
and blushed when a boy kissed her

and tonight
she seized the moment
and accepted an invitation
to escape
for a mere couple of hours

and it was nirvana

but this cookies
these cookies are
almost as good as sex right this minute

on second thought
maybe not
she would rather have sex
but the cookie is here
and a man is not
esp. not the man she wishes it were

time for some new flowers in the vase.... good thing HEB opens at 6 am.

and she at the other cookie

man that was some stout shit
it is more than 3 hours later and she is still
on a cloud
not cloud nine, that one is reserved, but close to it

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Sunday Afternoons

They aren't just for football anymore...

My favorite Sunday afternoons
are spent in bed
and not alone

Mr. Duvall called this morning
aparently thinking he was injured
and would not be up
to our usual Sunday afternoon shenanigans

It is his arm
he hurt it doing some heavy lifting yesterday

so I went for plan B
an afternoon at the outlet mall with the muse

but then he called back
and had decided
he could indeed
push through the pain (sorry, couldn't resist)

so I am off for my favorite
thing to do
on Sunday afternoon

Hope you are having a great Sunday afternoon

hee hee hee hee hee hee hee