Sunday, July 29, 2007

Where are the Condoms and KY?

I have talked about
more than once

they sell one thing
each day
but each day it is something else

It apparently has quite
a following
like a cult following
because once they
then that is it for that day
and you wait
til the next day
to see what they have

Many many days
I look early in the morning
before my morning tea
and they have already sold out
for the day
so those
hard ball die hard
techies are checking it
as soon as they start a new day

Anyway, on to the story

Today it was
something a bit different than usual
It was
The Weather Channel Emergency Preparedness Kit

the text underneath tells
what is in the kit and it is
as follows....
Warranty: 90 days
§ Contains your emergency essentials for up to four people.
§ Flashlights get you through the darkest night
§ Includes tips and vital information on surviving emergencies and natural disasters
§ Features first-aid supplies and techniques to treat injuries
§ Waterproof pouch protects your important documents
The kit includes all of the following essentials:
§ 2 flashlights
§ 1 pair of canvas gloves
§ 2 pairs of non-latex rubber gloves
§ 4 AAA batteries
§ 4 D batteries
§ 1 instant-cold compress
§ 4 dust masks
§ 4 light sticks
§ 1 first aid kit
§ 1 box of crayons
§ 1 AM/FM radio
§ 1 CPR breathing barrier
§ 1 tweezer
§ 1 CPR booklet
§ 4 emergency survival blankets
§ 2 plastic whistles
§ 1 waterproof document holder
§ 4 emergency ponchos
§ 1 children’s activity booklet
§ 1 The Weather Channel Carrying Case
§ 1 The Weather Channel Preparedness Guide

and this morning they still had some
but this evening when I was telling
the muse
about it
I checked
and they were sold out
but I was reading it to her
for reasons I won't go into here
but needless to say,
we are both in need
of a little preparedness
given our own personal

and her first question was
What kind of emergency kit is this?
and her second question
was the title of this post.

LMAO and hope you are too..

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

What doesn't kill you

A Drunk post
without Pictures
sorry Walker
still no drunk pictures

My son found another job
and it is in a restaurant
so he will have cash
and he will spend it daily

He is 18
and according to my other house guest
who is now gone
(say halleluhah)
my son is sexually active

but at night
when he takes his shoes off
there is this Gawd Awful stench
that he says is
but you know what
I am a grown person
I know that is NOT

so my question is....
how the fuck does he think
some woman is going to be interested
in having sex with him
when she gets down wind of that stench?

and you know what?
she is going to think that the stench
is not just his feet
because if his feet are that smelly
and dirty
then what else is as well?

And then there is the house guest...
he is gone now
and part of me is so glad to see him go
and yet
there is a very small part of me
who was really enjoying having a somewhat grown,
adult male
in the house...

it showed me that
after the initial
"shock and awe" factor
that I can and do
like having a man around
even though
this man
was definitely NOT
the MAN for me

he was
and remains
a man...

so as glad as I was
to see him go

the house will be quieter
the commaradarie
is gone
and the male figure
(right or wrong) for my son
as a friend
is gone...

that is a major part of what I wish
I had
in my life
along with frequent sex
and good conversation
a bunch of hugs
sneaking up behind me
and geting a good grope
in the kitchen or elsewhere
(and no, the guest didn't do that)

these are just a few of the things I would
really LIKE to have
along with a son
that didn't have stinky feet
and took frequent showers
and helped out monetarily
or in chores

but you know what
even if I never have those things

they won't kill me
they will just make me stronger

and tonight,
well tonight I am a bit more
than cynical...

but perhaps that will pass...

then again, maybe it won't

I just hope it doesn't turn
into bitterness

because I am beginning to get
that taste in my mouth...
and I don't like it
not one bit

Friday, July 20, 2007

The Good Samaritan

The muse is
The Good Steward
and right now,

I am the good samaritan

my house guest
who WAS suppose to
be getting on a bus
today to Houston

is not now

he is staying for
an undisclosed period of time

I am ready for him to go
before he gets too comfy
even though he is sleeping
on the couch
because my son
is sleeping in the other bedroom

but he is very comfy now,
I mean
I have all kinds of groceries
so there is food to eat,
TV to watch
Internet Access
and my son for entertainment
when he is home from his job

oh yeah, I forgot,
my son lost his job yeseterday
so there is no money
to pay his traffic ticket
that is over 200 dollars
much less help pay
the inflated power bill
or buy groceries
and wants money
for laundry doing
so he can get a new job

but he didn't get up and go look today

so I am
the good samaritan
providing a safe house
that for a short amount of time
doesn't bother me

I am really not up to it
in the long run...

You see
I hadn't realized
that I had really gotten
comfortable being home by myself

and right now I am craving some time
by myself
in my home

since I can't afford to go out
and hang out alone
in the bookstore
or to listen to some live music

so I am really ready
for some "me" time

not only that
there are some other
waves of emotion
that are rolling in
which are adding to
the distress
I am feeling

now, that all said
I do care for the well being
of the two fellas
that are here
but I don't understand
the lack of motivation to get out there
and get a job

Thursday, July 19, 2007

The Dog is Still Dead

Life's lessons come to me
in very strange ways sometimes

Sometimes I am the one
who learns things the hard way

Sometimes I am the one
that has to have the same lesson
over and over
and people wonder when
I am going to "get it"
and eventually I may
and then again
with some things I may need
to have the lesson a few more times

Sometimes I just have to have
a "sign"
you know
you have heard it
they say to you
"here's your sign"
I have to be hit over the head
with it
and then
all of the sudden
it is all so clear

today was one of those kind of lessons

if you need the story to the title
it is
in a nutshell
your are on the porch with your dog
the dog runs out
into the street
and is run over

the first scenario is that the car
that hits it
goes right on down the road


the driver stops and gets out
and apologizes over and over

which one occurs doesn't matter

the dog is still dead

so which one is best for me?
and who do I blame for the dogs death?
and how do I forgive and forget and
can I ever be friends with the driver
after what they have done?

It is all my choice...

In nearly all my relationships with men
I have never been able to be their friend
whether they broke up with me
or I broke up with them
something in me
doesn't give me closure

of course it all goes back to
my relationship with my dad
as most women won't admit to
but it is true
we look for men like our dads
and I really think
most men end up looking for women that
are like their moms

I mean, c'mon, we know how to deal with them
we know what "works" and what doesn't
from our years of living with that person
and their personality
and all that trial and error
for years and years
makes it easier

and apparently

I am going to end up
being just like my mother
(broad statement that may or
may not be true, but just go with it
for a minute)

so if I am looking for a man like
my dad
and I am going to be so much like
my mother
and their marriage was a miserable
long drawn out series
of disappointment on both sides
that ended in divorce....

how is that going to work for me?

I can't change who I basically am
I can work on how I interact with others
but on a bad day
you can see forever
or rather, the real me
I can work on my appearance
and first impressions
I can improve my knowledge
of trivial useless facts
and my double entendre's
(ok, yes, I have those down)
but that little thing
that I keep being told
about myself
that there is "just something"
that gnaws at them
or bothers them
or that they can't really put their finger on

well, I don't know what
to do about that
that is the part that draws them
and then repels them

I will just stop expecting much
and will try not to ask questions
or show any insecurities

oh wait a minute
I will TRY... that was the word

and that is with everyone
right now it has more to do with
work relationships than any other
since there aren't any others right now

but yes, a lesson learned
one I am sure others have tried to teach me before
and it just didn't sink in...

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

House guest

I haven't had so many houseguests
since I moved into my apt.
a year and a half ago

In fact I haven't had
ANY houseguests
until my son came to visit
and my youngest son
came to stay
and now
a friend
from a far away state
is here
going to interviews

and when he asked to come
and stay
I was leary of it
but then after I found
he was broke
and didn't really have
any other place to stay

(a brother in Houston
who drives a truck so he was
out of town and he couldn't stay there
with his brother away)

I thought of what I would
want someone to do
if I were the broke one
without a car
a job
or a place to stay

and I would like someone
to be a good samaritan
and offer to let me stay anyway

my finances are in
a state of red ink
at the moment
but decided it wasn't going
to get any worse with him here

and really it hasn't.

And my youngest son
has been out of town
most of the week
so that helped
but now
there are all 3 of us
in the house
and it is a bit crowded

It is hard for me to think
about writing posts
much less writing them
with so many eyes around.

Hence my absence for days

and it is difficult to have someone
in the house
that you haven't seen or spent
any significant time with in over 2 years

but we are making it through
and I am sure
it is just as difficult for him as it is for me
esp. sleeping on the couch

but he is a great cook
and has worked hard to be helpful
around the house.

Have to go now, will post again soon.

Monday, July 09, 2007

THE Stealthy Sleuth

That is what the Muse
says I am
and yes,
I suppose I am
I once took a person
at their word
and really I do still

but once upon a time
I was taken
by doing so
and was left with nil

so now,
I use google
and the property tax office
and yahoo maps
to see if things
look right
for what I am told

or if it explains why
I haven't been told something

but the most powerful tool
I carry or use is my intuition
which someone one
had me convinced
was wrong
and that I was imagining things
and just stirring up shit
when really
I wasn't

he just didn't want me to be right
and for him to be a scoundrel
but he was
and so was I
right, that is

so now I listen carefully
and if I don't want to be right
and more importantly
I don't want to see that I am right
I don't check to see if I am
I stay home
I drive a different way
if they are on one of my usual paths
and if they aren't I don't go check
I just try to find a distraction

but yes, I am
THE Stealthy Sleuth
and technology makes it
but my intuition is just
as reliable
as Google
and tells me more in the long run.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

40 days and 40 nights

it has been raining here
and it is

I can't sit by the pool
I can't walk every day
like today, it was raining
when I got up
when it stopped
I had laundry I had to get done
so I used the
interim "no water falling from the sky"
to put my laundry
in the wash
and then it rained off
and on while I was
waiting for it to get done,
transfer to the dryer
or bring in and hang up
which I did,
despite the rain
and in between
I was working on
cleaning the kitchen

which with my son here
is the
never ending story
or task
and the one day I asked him
to do the dishes
I ended up
doing them all over
not because I am so picky
but they really were
NOT clean

but he is at work today
so I did the dishes
and laundry
and it may start raining
any minute
but now I don't have time
to walk
before I cook lunch
or after
or later
because I do have
dinner plans

so today, today
the rain is keeping me
from walking

and there is standing water
and since my son
has some "payback" work
to do for me
I had him venture into the back yard
a couple of afternoons ago
to retrieve some camp folding chairs
that were out in the weather,
and a cooler
and throw some other stuff away

but after asking him
4 or 5 times
to carry them around to the front yard
and take them out of the cases
and wash them down with a hose
I gave up
and did it myself
I mean he was standing there
and if I needed him to move something
he did it
but he wasn't getting his hands dirty

anyway, I left the chairs
open and out in the yard
so that they could dry out
and they haven't had a chance to get dry

in fact, I have emptied water
out of them every day
and sometimes twice a day
and the grass is so wet
that water is standing
and it is like walking through a bog

so the yard looks like
I had a wild party last night
or for a few days
but not yet I haven't
although I do have one
in the making

so the rain is keeping me from getting
that stuff put up

The rain is not my friend
I don't do well with
cloudy days
one or two is ok
but days and days
or 40 of them
is not good for my psyche'

and those who know me
can see the effects

The muse suggested I try
a tanning bed
to see if that would help
but I am not doing that

I am going to try to make
my own sunshine
and hope that the rain ends soon

Friday, July 06, 2007

Black Market Elfa

Craigslist is an amazing site
My good friend RJ turned me on
to Craigslist last year
if you remember
and I recently
was discussing motorcycle parts
with Mr. Cajun man
and he told me he gets them
on Craigslist
so I went perusing
to see what else was there
Low and behold
I found some things for my classroom
from a teacher that is retiring
that were a steal
so I continued perusing
since I am "getting organized"
and Ms. Boo and I are
looking for organizational containers
and I came across an ad
for three sets of Elfa (namebrand) basket/shelving
so I email the woman selling them
she wants 60 bucks for each of them
so I ask if I can come look at them
and she says sure
she lives off a major highway
in an area of town
that I believe is one
one of the better ones in town
and when I ask for an address
and that I will look it up
online for directions
and she says
you know, it doesn't come up
so I will just meet you at

*local restaurant
off *major highway
and when you exit
just call me
and I will be right there
oh... ok
so what do you drive?
a silver mustang...
oh ok and I drive a
blah blah blah
so off down the yellow brick road
I go
I arrive at the restaurant
and she arrives
blonde, young, and
in a mustang...
hmmm wonder if she
knows Mr. Turnaround...
yes, the thought did run through
my mind, but it isn't the best part
the best part is
she drives out the back of the parking lot
and around a corner
and I don't know what happened then
but I found myself
in a mobile home park
from the the distant past
and not a small one
or designed in rows and rows
that are parallel and perpendicular
but streets that wind around
and around

and we drive until I can't remember
how many times we turned or where
we pull up
in front of a mobile home
that made me quiver
with flashbacks of when I was 10
and we lived in a mobile home
while remodeling a house
we had moved from another location
any way
we get out and she has her daughter
5 years old
with her
then the son is being dropped off
by the babysitter, grandma, dad
I am not sure
he is 7.
The boy starts fussing with his sister
and sister says
"you bastawd"
with her little girl voice

with no "r"s
to her big brother
and then we go inside
and she has just moved in
she tells me how
the mobile home
was a gift from her dad
for graduating from
dental hygienist school
and it only took her 7 years
to get through it...
ok... well... good for you,
and I say much nicer things
of course, I applauded her
and in my head am thinking
at least she is trying to pull herself up
by her bootstraps
and that is good
The Elfa shelving units
were great
I bought two for a 100 bucks
and loaded them in the car
and as we were just finishing up
a car stopped out front,
her sister
who didn't know she was selling stuff
and questioning her about it
and then how long we would be
because apparently I was in her parking place
and then the neighbor pulled in right beside me
and got out of her car
suddenly I was glad I hadn't brought my son
because she had tattoos on both wrists
all the way around
going up her forearm
and they were flames
like you see on a car
orange and red
and BIG
and she gave me a dirty look
as she got out of her car
because my side door was open when she pulled in

so I apologized if I was in her way
and closed the doors

Now don't get me wrong
I think everyone has a right
to have or not to have body art
to pull themselves up by their bootstraps
and to have a good supporting family
but what was getting me
was the Trailer Trash mentality
that was washing over me
like a tidal wave
then I tried to drive out of there
and it was like a labyrinth from hell
I didn't think I was going to get out of there
finally, after I must have taken
the 100 dollar tour, I found an exit
but it was not where I entered

I drove straight to the Container store
to see what kind of deal I had gotten
and sure enough
it was a great deal
if I bought each unit new
(and they looked new)
they would have each been
over 200 dollars each
and as I regaled the Muse
with the tale complete with visualization
she brought up the question
how this woman came to have
these shelving units
maybe they were indeed
"hot items"
well the mustang driver
gave great details of
what she used them for
and how they go together
and she kinda knew the original prices
of each
and I am not sure
she could have made all that up
but you know
there is no telling who got them for her
or how...
hence the title
Black Market Elfa

yes, the path along the yellow brick road
is a bit scary at times
and you see things in places
that you never would imagine them

but eventually
on my path
I will find my home

though it won't be where I left it

Thursday, July 05, 2007


in reminiscing
about a man
that was in my life
I went back and read
nearly all my blog entries
to see how I viewed
how things were going with him
but really
more looking for
how things WEREN'T going with him

and I found there was much I didn't blog
about how the things he did
or didn't do
affected how I felt and thought
and that is ok
but the part that really bothered me
as I read my entries
is that they were pretty shallow
mainly about my dating life
that doesn't have a very long
shelf life
most of the expiration dates
(pun intended)
were short-lived
but it has been an interesting year

I have said way too many times
some things
and others
that I thought I had said
I couldn't find at all

so it is time for the procrastination to end
I have decided to continue blogging
and although some will still be
work related
even though the conflict there
is gone for now
perhaps I will have great positive stories to tell
we will see
I am going to stop blogging about
the men who come into my life
and then go out (some of them much sooner than I would like)

I am going to blog on a third blog
called Under blog
as I continue getting in shape
and it will strictly be about my perilous journey
through the land of no sugar and low fat
and trips to the gym (wicked witches castle)
to contend with the flying monkeys (gym rats)
and my walk and what I think about
while walking
so.... I must stop procrastinating now
and go walk

Have a great day!!

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Happy Fourth of July

If things went as planned
I would be posting from
my mother's house

If things went as planned
I would be watching
a great fireworks display
in a small town park
where the beautiful sky
is lit up
by a thousand tiny lights
of red, green, blue and gold
and saying
(the good one, not the bad one)
while sitting in comfy lawn chairs
with my mom
my son
and my friends

but obviously,
you know
things don't usually go as planned
and I am not there

my son didn't ask off of work
and I won't leave him here alone
for over a week
we didn't go

of course, yesterday
he found out that he doesn't have to work
until Saturday
and we could have gone
yes I know,
every year but that was 2 days too late to leave
so here we are
The muse and I contemplated
a local baseball game and good music

but due to the ever changing weather
(read as instant downpours with no predictability)
we decided we didn't want to be rained out

after buying the pricey tickets

so at the moment there are no big plans
I 'magine I will mosey over the the park
by RJ's house if it isn't raining
he tells me they should be
as good as the ones I love and miss

back home
so I should at least see if there is anything to that

The Beach? you ask

for several years
I have gone to the beach
in fact
the muse and I went last year
and we talked about it
but we haven't gone yet
and I am not going today
it is a long drive
when coming home late in the dark
and really
that thought was always with the idea
that someday a man who loved me
would travel there with me
so.... no.... not this year

the dates are plentiful
the depth is not...
but I am having fun
most of the time.

but I digress

We are celebrating our Independence
I am a very patriotic person
It is important to me
to stand at attention
when the Star Spangled Banner
is played, and that men remove their caps
and I don't mean just stand up
I mean stand straight and tall and proud
I sing it also when we all know I can't sing
and when the Pledge of Allegiance is said
I think everyone should have their hand
on their heart and looking at the flag
with respect and honor

There was a time when the boys were in boyscouts
and they went around before holidays such as this
and put out flags in the yards of every one in town
(when we lived in a small town)
and I have always had a US and Texas flag in my classroom
(you would be surprised at how before 9/11 classrooms often didn't have flags)

and then there was 9/11
and it was a horrible tragedy
I am not talking about that today

I am talking about being patriotic
so after 9/11
people had flags out all the time
(which if they are flying after dark
are suppose to be lit)
they had them on their cars,
in their offices
they had paper ones taped to their windows

all of the sudden there was a shortage of flags
for the flag making companies
because we must now flaunt
our patriotism

I was outraged
these were what I know as
fair weather fans
only it wasn't due to fair weather
it was due to an attack on our nation

and I have noticed
slowly but surely
the flags all started
to fade away
just as a bad memory does

My 18 year olds birthday
is June 14,
which is flag day
and the story I have told before
is that he always asked
why the flags were out that day
(in a small town, you notice when
every yard has a flag flying)
and I told him, for a long time,
it was because it was his birthday
and the whole country was celebrating

I didn't notice many flags flying on that day
this year
and it will be interesting to see
how many are out when I go out today

and I am hopeful
that all those who had been
so outwardly patriotic
were now understanding
that even though it is great
to be proud and raise your flag
on every day
or special days
it is better to be inwardly patriotic
and teach your children to be
proud of the country they live in
and understand all the freedoms we have
that so many others do not
and with freedom comes responsibility
to make good decisions

and then to realize
that even if you teach them
they will be the ones deciding
how they will honor themselves
and their country by the decisions they make

I read somewhere in the last few days
how much "less" patriotic we are
than we were right after 9/11
I hope that we are not less patriotic
but there are just fewer flags flying

that didn't exactly sound right
I hope the flags that are out today
and on other days
represent those who are truly
deep down patriotic
and not just a knee jerk reaction
in anger
for a tragedy
like a bulldog
protecting his yard
after a bully sneaked in and stole his bone

I also hope
for a quiet day
for all our troops
and no one's life
is lost on this day
of independence.

Happy 4th of July
for my American Friends
and as for you Walker
maybe someday you can
come watch the fireworks
cuz you know
everything is bigger and better
in Texas