Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Screw Me Over, I am Getting Used To It

I am livid
Absofuckinglutely livid

so I may jump around
but I will try to write
something worth following
til you get the gist of it
or get to the end of it

I am a curious person
I am a very curious person
and when they say
Curiousity Killed the Cat
I just didn't get it
until I was burned
by my over zealous curiousity
I mean
I have said
how I had to know
what was in the christmas packages
as soon as I saw them
rather than waiting til
Christmas Morning

so believe me
I do understand that feeling

When I dated Mr. Turnaround
I was curious about what was going on
with him
and I never searched
but when I saw notes
on his bar
in his house
I was a bit nosey
when I should have ignored them
and saw just enough
that he seems to attract women
who want to cook for him
or want him to picture them
with little or no clothes on...

oh wait a minute
that could be any woman

I have been sneaky enough
to receive a nickname
from my friends and coworkers
as a super sleuth
I can usually find out anything
I want to know
about someone
based on just a few comments
or none at all
if I search well enough
and I don't even have to spend
any money to get the scoop
on someone

Sneaky Sleuth is true
I can be
and have been
but not usually
unless I am under suspicion
that I should be suspicious

when Tater
showed his true colors
as a sleuth in his own right
by hacking into my email
and from there
found this blog

I was/am furious
and at the same time
I did understand it
to a certain extent
I understand the curiousity
I loathe the deception
I understand the idea
that it would be difficult
to think I would know
that someone was reading

I loathe the thought
that I am not smart enough
to know someone was reading
or hacking into my info

I was smart enough
to ask
while we were in Vegas
and I was checking email
on his laptop
if he would be able to save my password
and he lied
he said no
when he fully knew
that it would be saved
and he would have access

I wasn't smart enough
to see through the lie

and now
now I know
what he has read
and when
and how he got here
since I had not even hinted
at my moniker
or what blog site
or anything
as instructed
by Walker and others

I didn't see it coming
I had no idea
he would use my email
to find my blog

which it doesn't bother me
for him to read now
I have said only good things
until today
and I won't apologize
for Mr. Duvall
to anyone
or even justify him

It just is
until it isn't anymore
and I don't know when
that will be

then I come home
to a son
that chose
to take his day off
to lose 100 dollars somewhere
after getting drunk
on a pint of Jack Daniels
that he paid someone to go
into the liquor store
next to his job for
and when I got home
after a great happy hour
and a disturbing conversation
on the phone with Tater
I found him passed out
in his bed
with the empty bottle
and the drawers in all my
dressers, chests, beside tables
who the fuck knows
what he was looking for
all I know
is that
I am tired of being
fucked over
by those
who claim to love me
and care for me

not all
but 3 people
in the last month
one who I work with
is the other
but I am really not up
for talking about that
I just am tired

tired of having people
who claim to be my friend
treating me
in a way
that does not
in any way
resemble what I call
a friend
a lover
a son

so Amy is singing
a song
that epitomizes
how I feel
screwed over
just as she screwed over
the man she loves

I guess I can't say
I wasn't forewarned
by Tater
he did tell me
he was no good

and now,
I just don't think I can
I don't think
I can
let it go

even though
part of me wants to

part of me knows
it was better
to find it out now
than it was
to get sucked in
any further
and find it out
in a much worse way
later on...

I am really
I keep thinking
I know I am upset
and at times
I am more upset
and others
I laugh and wonder
if I am really
over reacting

I think that comes from
being screwed over
so many times in life
that it is now
just part of life for me
and I expect it

that is terrible isn't it?

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Viva Las Vegas

Wonders never cease

I have been invited many places
many times
by different men

sometimes it is
just a small town
not too far away
sometimes it is the coast
closest to where I live

sometimes it is just to go
get a coke
or a drink
but last week

Last week
the Hippie, or Tater,
as he has proven
to be
One Hot Potato

asked me to go

we left Friday morning
we took care of business
(his work business)
that afternoon

then it was
a Las Vegas Show
great food
a bit of gambling
souvenir purchasing
sight seeing

and other than that my friends

What happens in Vegas
Stays in Vegas

I had a great time
it was
an all expense paid weekend
gambling and all
so I am not out anything
from my pocket

and a man who treated me
like a queen
so girls
they are out there

just good luck finding them

Viva Las Vegas

and I am so glad to be home
sleeping in my own bed
where it is quiet
and comfy

Sunday, February 17, 2008

A Gift Tied Up With A Red Ribbon

A week ago Friday
I had an invitation
to join Mr. Duvall
for an evening
of fun
(mucho mucho lovemaking)
and it wasn't our normal evening
it was an evening
at my favorite motel
on Padre Island
the next day
I sat on the beach
in 80 degree weather
and no wind to speak of
and took in
the sea air
the waves washing ashore
the few gulls (rats with wings)
and several small birds of interest
and the wonderful rays
of sun and warm air
washing over my body
in a swimsuit

I sat on the beach
with a smile on my face
thoughts of a man
who brought me a great dinner
shared several great conversations
made sweet passionate love to me
that is different
and somehow better
each time we see each other
washed me lovingly all over
in the shower
and let me sleep in
when he had to work
early that morning
how am I ever going to find
anything better than that
I can't, he
he is
he is THE
he is THE KING
and then I drove home
with a sunburn
and a huge smile on my face...

Last Wednesday
February 13th
might as well have been
Friday the 13th
It was
to say the least
a horrible day
but before it turned
into a bad day

I had my cell phone with me
I keep it with me
nearly all day
every day
even though I can't talk on it
while at school
I use it as my watch
since I don't wear one

While working after school
with a tutoring group
I looked down
and saw that I missed a call
I didn't hear
the words to the song
of my favorite ringer
which is
King of the Road
It is the ringer
for Mr. Duvall

for all important purposes
My King
of the Road

When he calls
I respond in kind
and get on the road
so that I may get SOME
of him

I was bummed to say the least
I hate to miss his calls
but also
have to say
it is rare for him
if not
out of character for him
to call in the early afternoon
and he had left a message
which was
call me in the morning
between ten minutes before seven
and ten minutes after seven
if you get the chance

Now boys and girls
I know the rules
and the rules with Mr. D
are that you don't act sentimental
or discuss how you feel
I can't tell him I love him
even though I do
I can't expect anything on any day
much less on a day like
Valentine's Day

so.... he called on the 13th
and asked me to call him
on the 14th

his only remaining brother
is ill and in the hospital
it could be he has something
to tell me regarding him
but I doubted
(while secretly hoping)
his need for my call
had anything to do
with the day of Love

so I waited
with plenty to keep my attention
off of him
and on much less pleasant things
much to my dismay

but on Thursday morning
at 20 til 7
I smiled
oh yeah
I have a call to make

but I have to wait at least 10 minutes
so I called the Muse
and talked to her
then I looked at the clock
and I had one minute
til I could call
but I wait two
just for good measure
and so as to not seem
too eager
even though
he knows I am

and I called at 9 minutes til 7
and he answered the phone
with a really upbeat and sexy voice
that said
Happy Valentines Day
and I replied
Happy Valentines Day to you too
then he said

I have a red ribbon tied around my neck
and am just waiting for you
to open your gift

I laughed
that is the best gift I could ever get
and I asked
are you sure it is around your "neck"?

and followed it with
I can't wait to open my gift

He is the king
of tough guys
that shows his softer side
with me
and can be ever so romantic
while at the same time
reminding me
he drives the boat
he makes the rules
and he
in this great dance
we have been boot scootin' to
for over 3 years...

He is the king
the king of my heart
because he treats me
so well
and he surprises me
when I don't think he will.

Now, if there is someone
that I can have that with
he needs to show up
No one will ever
rise above

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Where Have All The Good Dicks Gone?

The other day
I was chatting with a friend
a male friend
and the concept of the word
came up
He asked me
what I thought
was "average" for a man's penis

Hmmm... Mr. Duvall is great
but what he works me over with
is what I would call average
with his technique being
head and shoulders above the rest

but honestly
I hadn't measured

Sure, I know
that in the last couple of years
no other man
I have had the chance to encounter
has measured up to
what I would consider
in fact
much less
Above Average

But as far as a
Standard Measurement
All I have used
in a very long time
was my own rule of thumb
along with my hand

No one has been a handful
much less more than a handful
or a mouthful
in a very long time

The only measuring stick I have used
in Three years
realistic or not
has been Mr. Duvall

but that wasn't in size alone
but the entire package

It has crossed my mind m
more than once or twice
that perhaps
my earliest sexual experiences
left me with
unrealistic expectations
of the average size
of a man's dick.
They were,
the three I remember vividly-
were more
than a handful
and in one particular case
two handfuls...

That was many moons ago
hence the question
"Where have all the good dicks gone?"

Many times
the muse and I
have been shocked
and dismayed
as we hear from our friends,
acquaintances, and coworkers-
all that are women,
that they do not like sex
they don't enjoy it
they see it as a chore
they avoid it when they can
they want it over in a hurry
when they can't avoid it

I would hate to think
that the men in their lives
that they are sleeping next to
is a man with a really good dick
that isn't getting
to come out and play
on a regular basis
much less whenever he wants to.

Just as I hope that
the man of my dreams
if he has mistakenly married
the wrong woman
isn't unhappy when he wakes up each morning
and looks at his wife,
but is happy and looking forward to the day.

I hope the man, no, DICK of my dreams
if taken by another woman
isn't being neglected
and wasting away
being held captive
in a pair of tighty whities

but is being appreciated
for his more than "averageness"

which by the way,
according to the chart,
emailed to me
by the friend mentioned at the
beginning of the post,
6 inches is average.

that's what I am talking about

Where are those boys?
I need a better radar

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Nice, Very Very Nice

There was a time I hated that word


I didn't want to be told
not one more time
that I was

or that was a NICE DINNER

and yet
now I find it
to be one of the highest compliments
I can give some one

I have two
paying me

and it is
to say the least

Tater (formerly known as the Hippie)
met me for breakfast
on Saturday
and I had some errands to run
that involved children's books
and the rodeo theme

so he went along
and he purchased
about 6 hard back picture books
for me to use at work
with my students
and it was a complete surprise
and I was thrilled
with his generosity.
I used those books in class
yesterday and today
and they were a huge hit
with the students.
Nice, Very Very Nice

We also had great conversations
a terrific breakfast
and we shared some good laughs
and it was very comfortable
I was thrilled...
That was more than nice

the Law Student
met me for a drink
when he got out of class
at 9:00
We had a great conversation
He made a date for Saturday
We had a good time
and it was very NICE
He tried to make a date for Friday
but I have plans already
in Corpus Christi
and a date at the beach
My date with the beach
on Saturday morning
and hoping the weather is good
I am way past due
on my supplement
of sea air and waves crashing
on the sand
with my toes dug into the grains
like a tree
rooted in rich soil
taking nutrients
from the air, water, and land
it is where I flourish

and with my son here
believe me
I need the respite...
and when I get back
I have a date...
with my crush man

That is
Very Very Nice!

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Cloud Nine

I haven't mentioned
the Law Student
since before Christmas

He was the guy who took me
to see my favorite Christmas lights
in Johnson City

We had a great time
that I felt ended way too soon

and actually
that was the last time I saw him

He made me feel butterflies
you know
that feeling that not just anyone
awakens in you
that instant attraction
that could be called
a Crush
to use a school girl or school boy term
or should I say
He makes me feel all giddy
and school girlish

and the last time I felt that was
was with Mr. Turnaround

so I have been missing
what I feel is instant chemistry
that so many people chase
and rarely find is reciprocal

and tonight
I found out
during our DATE
yes, we had a date
that it is reciprocal

His honesty
is very refreshing
He was very forthcoming
with good thoughts
and wishes
and he let me know
that if there was anything
I wanted to ask him
he would answer honestly...

and he did...

He was a perfect gentleman
we went to dinner
and then discussed our musical venue choices
we decided we could make our own music

*wink wink

we retrieved firewood from my back yard
and burned a nice fire
in his backyard
while drinking libations
and playing his guitar and singing
or listening to his stereo
and his extensive music collection
it was a great
Intimate evening
full of conversation
and comfortable bouts of silence

I am completely comfortable with him
and I think it is vice versa as well

so yeah,
I am floating on Cloud Nine
and hoping it lasts a while...

what cloud are you on?