Saturday, October 25, 2008

Signs Signs Everwhere a Sign

Trying to date
Trying to find myself
Trying to keep my head above water
Personally and professionally

a child at work
who loves to scream at me
and say he hates me
and not do anything I ask
because he has my number
and pushes my buttons
and he had pushed my buttons beyond reason
even with all the new found advice
I have been following
that has worked well
my buttons are being pushed
even though I am holding it all in
it is driving me nuts
so I grab a piece of Dove Chocolate
and unwrap it
to find the saying inside
"Patience is a Virtue"
then I have a very long conference
with parents and administrators
that takes up my entire afternoon
and takes away my energy
to the point I postpone a date
with a man that is very understanding
I open up my email
and find a horoscope that say
"Nothing in your life is a sure thing --
especially right now,
and especially in terms of any business deals.
When it comes to business,
people are often more interested
in what they can gain for themselves
than in what they can achieve in the world.
They have a different agenda than you,
although that doesn't mean they wish you ill.
Just remember to push back when you feel pushed
and to stand up for yourself
if you feel like someone is putting you down."

and that is what I had just done...
stood up for myself when I was
misquoted, not once, but twice
and treated like I was the reason
a child doesn't know how to show respect

so I came home, exhausted
wishing I had gotten to go on my date
so I chose not to stay home

traveling across town
to a temple or shrine of some sort
thinking I was going to a craft sale
to find a very cool shirt
to wear to work
that a coworker had on
that same morning
I found myself
in Haute Couture Land

It was a Shopping Ole
put on by the city's
Junior League
and boy
was I out of their league
I had on black knit capri's
running shoes
a Life is good t-shirt
and a Wii Sweatshirt

and of course
they were all dressed to the nines
with inch thick makeup
and talking in that
"I am such a bitch"
tone of voice
and spending loads of money

I don't let that stop me
nor the 20 dollar entry fee
I pay my money
and walk in proudly
as though it is exactly
where I should be
I walk and shop
not overly impressed
wtih what I see
waiting til I find what I am there for
a tshirt that I can wear to work
and be Queen
Along the way
I keep thinking about a guy
that I met last week
and we really hit it off
he promised to call the next day
and then didn't
although he did text
nice comments
and act like he would call
he hasn't
in a week
so I walk into a booth
that has this really cool brown cap
that says
"think happy stuff"
on the front in pink
and on the back
around the curve
where you adjust it
"change your thinking
change your world"
and I am like
I have been trying to do that
but then I had a relapse
where this guy was concerned
and a crappy day
at work
and I so needed to see that
so I bought it
and two coffee mugs
pink of course
one with the first saying
and one with the second

The ladies were so sweet
and I picked up a couple of other things
and then found out
they had both been teachers
and worked with at risk children
ah.. there are real women
among the rich and bitchy

I continued on my way
and finally came across
the shirt shop booth
and bought my shirt
along with the perfect one
that looked like
that wonderful coffee shop
that I love
and their green coffee diva label
that said
"Instant -insert job title-
Just add Water"
so I had to have that one too

I left
happy with my choices
in purchases
and drove home

today I went to see
a great friend
and personal counselor
and we talked of the men
in my life
to find that I have found
a great love
and the two of us
show great respect
and honor each other's boundaries
because we love each other

but it is not the ideal love
where we can share our lives
the way I want to share my life
with a great love
but it is some consolation

Lunching with RJ on the patio
at a new restaurant
a new location for another
spot we used to frequent
and it was so pleasant
and we didn't talk of mice
or men
we just talked
and I realized
I like those I can talk to
and he helps me
like taking a box out of the car
so that I can have a place for my son
to sit when I go to get him
and go to the grocery store

We shopped at the newest market
that Mr. Turnaround told me about
last week
and we turned down the aisle
where the cleaning supplies
and mops etc are
and there it was

an ironing board
with 4 legs
like I have been looking for
because you see
I have been wondering
if I had made a bad choice
to not let tater back in my life
and his ironing board
was the only one I used
and was actually something
I pondered about

silly I know
no explanation would make sense
but that was a sign

here is your ironing board
that you have been searching for
and at a decent price
so I bought it
and no longer wondered
if I should let him back in
I know I shouldn't
and I won't.

I came home
and after I was alone
I got a little sad
thinking about being alone
after my date for the evening
canceled and I couldn't say much
after all,
I had done something so similar
the day before
so I tried to be understanding
but at the same time
in the quietness that followed
I found myself a bit sad
especially with all the revelations of the day
and I opened another chocolate
and it's wrapper said
"Laugh , laugh and laugh some more"
so I turned on the tv
choosing to watch the movie
of the 4 women friends
that live in the big apple
and make much whoopie
which I had yet to see
esp. when it was in the theater
as I sat and watched I became
there are some spots that are very close to home
and some that were just plain sad
and I guiltily open another chocolate
cursing the fact I should be dieting
and it said
"Chocolate therapy is oh, so good!"

and then as I contemplate
what to do next with my dating life
and whether to let the great date man from last week
go completely
I get one that says
"Share your Dove Dark (chocolate)
with someone new"
so I am going to get back up on that horse
Remembering a quote from the movie
"No one gets everything they want"
which tells me to quit fearing what I want
but understand I may not always get it
which I already have learned so well

I wanted a great love
and I have one
in Mr. Duvall
even though it is not the
definition of great love I would profess
it is the basic definition
and he is great.

the signs are all guiding me
and I am going to
think happy stuff

*sigh, it is good to be back,
I missed being here so much!