Sunday, April 23, 2006

Variety is the Spice of Life

One particularly beatiful day, I rode in the car with Amused Muse as we made our way to a small town not too far from her abode. Country roads, which I call two lanes, meaning one for the oncoming traffic and one for going our way traffic, although some people refer to as one lane roads. I have been down one lane roads, someone has to pull over so you can pass by them on those.

Anyway, we are driving down a twisty turvy (yes that is my made up word, it is a good one, leave it alone) road, and all of the sudden there is a man,

a man standing in the middle of the road...

a man standing in the middle of the road holding a sign...

oh did I forget to mention that Amused Muse was in a particularly nasty mood, with neither of us having had much caffeine and we were on a quest to find a geocache, in fact to be the first to find it? Anyway, she was very fussy to say the least and I was still not too awake, but not so fussy...

a man standing in the middle of the road holding a sign that said STOP

there was also a large truck that drove down the road the same direction we were traveling, but we could not follow. It became apparent to both of us that they were doing road construction and the road was... indeed, metamorphosized into a one lane road, and with much traffic, it didn't seem that it would be prudent to let the travelers traverse without assistance by the state on Good Friday of all days...

So, we are sitting there, watching the man, who is not particularly attractive, wearing blue jeans, a khaki workshirt, orange vest (so hopefully he won't be run over by a driver not paying attention) and work boots.

Amused muse is perturbed, she is fussing about how they have us waiting for road construction on Good Friday, there is a curve to the right so we can't see what Mr. Stopsign can see and we are waiting, and waiting and waiting... she fusses some more...

I try to think of a distraction, as I look at Mr. Stopsign... hey AM's boy toy, yes, I prefer boy toy to boyfriend, and if you know him, you know why... anyway, her boy toy distracts her with sex, so how can I work an angle that has to do with sex, but requires no physicality since we all know we both like men...

"Hey, I have a question.."

"what?" she says pissily (yea, I made that one up too, just now)

"Have you ever seen two similar penis's? I mean, aren't they all different? and you know, they are like a box of chocolate, you never know what you are going to get."

"hmmmmm.... that's a little deep for breakfast time conversation."

"I mean, think about it, look at Mr. Stopsign, how tall do you think he is? what do you think he is packing?"

"yuck" and I can see her wheels turning in her head (that's right RJ, you aren't the only one who can do that...

"I know there is nothing to those rumors, yes rumors, that if they have big feet, or big heads, or big hands they will have a big penis, and boy was I disappointed when I learned that was a hoax... "

she laughs, we are looking at Mr. Stopsign and now there is a car right behind us with an antsy bitch driving, who nearly didn't even slow down until she was on our ass... She is combing her hair and putting on lipstick... must be a Good Friday Luncheon or something ....

"You are being awful quiet AM... you don't like my topic?"

"No, I am thinking of all the men I can remember"

we both laugh

" I think the only commonality among men who were substantially endowed (yes, I reworded that) was that they were tall."

"well to me, anyone above 5'10 is tall"

"I am talking above 6'2"..."


"yeah" and then I am thinking about Paul, my first love... wonder where he is... He was over 6'4" and he was hung like a horse... imagine my surprise to find that every man after that wasn't like him...

Then we start discussing different men who have been in our lives, and how some have straight penises, some that curve, some that look and act like they are substantial and aren't and some who have next to nothing but can put on a good show in bed just the same (overcompensation on some levels). We didn't really discuss names because see that didn't really apply.

So I look up and Mr. Stopsign is still standing there, beer belly hanging, he is about 6 foot or so...

"what about him, what do you think he is packing now?"


"I didn't ask you to sleep with him, just guesstimate what you think he has under his belt"

"Probably less than he would like, but more than others" ok, I thought that she might say that, but she didn't really...

what she said was...

"are you going to blog about this?"

"uh, I wasn't thinking about it, but now that you mention it... " we both laugh "I really just brought it up to get your mind off of sitting here waiting for him to turn the sign and we can go on our way"

I did want to say, in my defense and hers, that women don't usually have these conversations and I didn't find out a thing about her boy toy except that she obviously likes whatever he has and when he has it...

Personally, I have a preference, but it isn't so "defined" that many men wouldn't fit into it...

but now, when we go to the VFW, we will be discussing the possibilities of the men we see, just as banter between us ladies...

Oh and AM did tell me she has heard another possibility to determine the size of the package and what it holds by looking at the bridge of a man's nose... hmmmmmm so If I am staring at your nose, you will know

We have both had a little variety, and it is good to know we aren't all the same and yet we are...

What I didn't tell her, was about the men I know... or have known... but I won't be mentioning anyone would know here...

Short, cocky SOB, had nothing in size, but knew he way around a woman like none I have seen before

The Cat Man, man he had a package but he couldn't keep it inflated, the best oral I could have ever imagined

Man of my dreams (yes, he pops up in my dreams) didn't have length, but girth, but he knew how to use it to his advantage

Ex's- hmmmm both well hung, if they ever figured how what to do with it, I applaud the women in their lives now

and Paul, given it was my first experience, possibly the best I will ever know, given my adolescent ignorance... I loved him first, what can I say...

There were a few inbetween, but not noteworthy to mention... I do notice that men with not much of a package try to make up with it in cockiness...

Is that like the Napoleon Syndrome?

Thursday, April 20, 2006

The Circle of Trust

Amused Muse and I have a great time nearly everytime we are together. She knows I am having trust issues with ATS. She reminded me of a scene in Meet the Parents when the dad tells the fiance' "We have a circle of Trust and you, Focker are not in the circle of trust", or something to that affect. So our new slogan is "You're outside the circle of trust, Focker". I love it, it makes me laugh everytime I say it or hear it and today Amused Muse made it in Word and emailed it to me. A circle that says Circle of Trust in it, and Focker outside of it. I printed it and put it on my desk. I laugh everytime I look at it.

Who is in your circle of trust? Mine is actually quite small, it includes RJ, AM, and my mom, and that is about it.

Time Out

Some weeks come and go and everything moves along smoothly. This is not one of those weeks.

The state mandated tests for school children, or TAKS Tests were administered this week. No, they don't give the test to Kindergarten, but it does affect us. Each day during the week, besides the PE/Music/Art rotation time, we have a special class, such as computer literacy, library, counseling, etc. Well, during TAKS weeks, we do not go to those special classes. You wouldn't believe the difference it makes in your demeanor with the students. OMG!!! We even had to eat lunch with them for two days.... I needed a break, and I know they needed a break from me as well.

Plus, ATS and I have been meeting for breakfast all week. Not because we need to eat, but because we have no other uninterrupted time together. That's right folks, his phone rings and we are interrupted any other time we try to hang out for just a little bit. It is very difficult and it is extremely aggravating. The few minutes we are together in the morning is when I would be preparing for my day with kids. So, needless to say, I haven't had much opportunity to get much done before class, during specials, during lunch and after school, well I had tried to meet with ATS twice, which were total chaos, and one day I had a dentist appt., and boy was that fun.

Get the idea yet? not getting anything done... 22 fussy children calling my name, no support from the one I want it from... yeah, it has been a week among weeks for NOT A GOOD WEEK.

So, tomorrow I am taking a time out. I have given ATS his walking papers for now (will revoke them when I feel better). I am going to Happy Hour at Amused Muse's home and Saturday I am sitting on the beach just being me.

I'll blow the whistle when Time Out is over, until then, sit your happy a** on the bench and wait.

Friday, April 14, 2006

This one is great

Hope you are reading Amused Muse

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Lessons for next week

The letter E
Life Cycle of a plant
Plant Parts

Everything, envy, enticing, energy, empty, elves, every, enter, eagles, enter, ... come one, help me out here...

Whew!!! I passed the test

It has been a topic of discussion of late, so just for the record...

You Are Not a Gold Digger

You go out of your way to take care of everything in your life.
Including money - which you've got plenty of, thank you very much.
And you have no intentions of being a trophy girlfriend for some bald guy.
Just make sure that hottie you met isn't scheming to be your boy toy!
As a successful woman like you knows, gold digging goes both ways these days.


Sucks... in a nutshell

Sweet dreams if you can sleep, I don't think I will tonight.

The Inexplicable

Amused Muse had a weird experience last night while trying to sleep. She felt someone move her hair from her face while laying down trying to sleep. There was no one there with her.

She reminded me of my own ghost I have in my new digs. One night he purposefully tried to scare the shit out of me through a dream. So I told him straight out that I wasn't leaving so he best leave me alone and would do the same.
The time he scared me, he crawled over me, woke me up and I thought he was going to hurt me, then I woke up.
After our talk, I have heard him move throughout the house at times, and even caught glimpses of movement I couldn't feasibly explain. But the other night he redeemed himself.
I had an inexplicably horrible evening and returned home only to feel very lonely. I laid down in my bed to sleep in a fetal position, and due to pure exhaustion and disgust fell fast asleep. I slept most of the night with the sensation that someone was spooning with me in the bed. It was very comforting and I think my ghost knew what had happened and how it had put my pysche in turmoil of what I should do about it. He came to comfort me... what a great ghost.

Do you believe in ghosts?

Unconscious Mutterings #166

I say ... and you think ... ?

Buck :: aroo
Harry :: Back
Play :: with me
Monstrosity :: The Interstate Highway
Nightclub :: The Moon Palace (a great dance hall that once stood in Amarillo, TX)
Missing :: person
Sprout :: Jolly Green Giant
Flavor :: Red is not one
Identity :: crisis
Saucy :: bitch

stolen from La Laquet, have a go, see what you think...

Once Upon a Time

There was a woman named Bennu, grown with nearly grown children. The children decided to venture out on their own and left their mother to find herself and a new life.
Bennu found a comfy place to live that fit her inner being and her pocket book. She moved twice as much stuff as would fit in her comfy new home. Now, often she didn't like to unpack the boxes, due the fact she didn't know where to put all her treasures in a cozy place that was less than half as big as the one she moved out of. So, she sat, day after day, evening after evening, with boxes, and stuff all around her. She would clean out a few boxes here and there. The kitchen cabinets were brimming with dishes, glasses, cups and groceries. The dining tables, one for breakfast and one for dinner were covered with items she just stared at and wondered where to put. Each day, she tried to trudge up the stairs with items that should be upstairs and each morning she came downstairs to find all her shoes in the floor around the computer desk. You see, the desk is where she stops when she gets home and unwinds. So her jewelry, shoes and mail all end up on the desk. The tv is often on and either she is watching something she has taped, has it on for company or is asleep on the couch while the droning television drowns out all the small noises that startle her awake.
She has a blog, she writes to get things out of her head and down where she can read them and not feel so stressed and uptight. Others help her know she isn't crazy, just human and a bit more honest than she should be at times.
Her new home is somewhat lonely at times, her friends rarely come over and she wishes they would. She also knows that her new digs do not compare to those of her friends, and at her age, she feels she has little to show for the turmoil and hard work of her life thus far. Then she realizes her material things don't make her or break her, they just show the paths she has been down and some of them do serve as comfort to her.
She has a magic wand that has a hidden Elvis in it. The point is to turn it up and down until you find Elvis, his pink cadillac and a few other choice items. It is a de-stressor, and she loves it. She has a paperweight made of cut glass in the form of a triangular prism. Inside is sand from the Texas Gulf Coast and small sea shells. She turns it this way and that, dreaming of where she wishes she were on a daily basis, and uses it to remind her of what is truly soothing to her, the beach, the sea air, and the incredible treasures to be found in the sea.
Her bed is upstairs, so the night air feels good coming through the windows. She can look out and see the swimming pool from her bed. The moon rises and when it is full it shines through her window like a beacon. She feels at peace even though she isn't in the best part of town.
Each week, a few more boxes disappear, a table is uncovered and things move to new hidey holes, only to be retrieved when needed.
Slowly her friends start to come share her new home. They sit and visit and allow her to create meals for them. They sit out in front, in her patio chairs, drinking lively libations and regaling each other with wild tales that create laughter and camaraderie. She is happy. She doesn't feel fulfilled, she knows something she truly wants in her life is missing, but she is happy.
Her work as a teacher keeps her busy, and she loves every minute of it. There are days, or weeks, that her work is covering her coffee table, the couch and part of the floor. She has so much preparation to concern herself with, and she likes giving it her all. When she is distracted and cannot do her best, she feels as if she has let her students down.
Some nights when her friends are busy or she has an important day or week coming up, she stays late to work on school stuff. Sometimes RJ, a friend, comes and helps and keeps her company. It means so much to her when her friends care about her work and her enough to help her and take an interest in what she is doing.
Still, she wishes there was one very special person in her life. Someone to be there when she lays down at night, so she can reach over with her feet and touch his feet. Just enough to let him know she is there and to warm her feet if they are cold. Someone to wake up next to and watch as he sleeps peacefully. Someone to talk to about what she expects her day to be like and to listen to what his day might hold for him. Someone to bring her the first diet coke of the morning, so she can have her caffeine fix and appreciate his little gestures. Someone to share the evening meal with, because eating alone, whether at home, work, or in a restaurant, just doesn't appeal to her at all and sometimes she chooses not to eat because of it.
There are men who come and look like they may be prospects for what she is seeking, but they fall to the wayside here and there. Some right away, and some linger and then take a nose dive. Some come and stay and look like they are going to make it to a mile marker she hasn't been to yet since being on her own, but then things just peter out and they disappear. Each time, a little bit of her dies along with her hopes of what she wants to have in her life that is missing.
She knows the new place is temporary, she picked it as a temporary solution to problem she hopes will resolve itself in a year or so. Still, she likes to think that it might not be temporary. It is a comfy place, she does like many aspects of her predicament. She even decides that she likes being alone, but she doesn't like feeling lonely.
Then her best friend introduced her to a man that lives across the street from her. Now, her best friend, Amused Muse, lives in a very nice neighborhood, with large houses, large trees and all are on large lots. Amused Muse would love Bennu to live closer. Bennu loves Amused Muse's home and the area, and when she visits she rarely wants to return home, but she does. So the idea of the Man ATS is very inviting.
Bennu finds he and she have much in common, such as a knowledge of Native American jewely, the way of Navajo, the part of the world they both grew up in and the crafts and products of the same area. They think a great deal alike and have fun making jokes. Plus, when he kisses her, her stomach drops, just like when she was 14 and the cutest boy around kissed her.

Unfortunately, his life was cluttered with excess baggage that kept tearing things aprart. He kept claiming how he couldn't keep all the women in his life happy at once, but the way Bennu saw it, he wasn't trying to keep her happy, he was just trying to keep himself happy, because he liked being with her. There were so many things he would tell her that just didn't add up. When she asked, he hemmed and hawed but he always had an answer.

Bennu is a pretty sharp cookie, sometimes she just prefers not to see the obvious, so for awhile she wanted to believe ATS and trust the entire situation. But then, it got to be too much for her. She had gotten comfortable with him being around so much and then he was gone. The ex, well, she manipulated the situation to where Bennu sat at home all one day waiting for ATS to come over and enjoy a roast and vegetables and his favorite cake. He didn't show up until after she had gone to bed.

Bennu doesn't like turmoil, she likes excitement, adventure, peace and harmony, but not turmoil. She asked ATS not to call until his baggage was diminished, and the ex was out of the picture completely.

You see, Bennu knows men she could have affairs with, she has had married men in her life before, not that she is proud of it, or prefers it, she doesn't. She just knows that she does not ever want to feel like she is the other woman ever again. The "he who shall not be named" did her in on that, and never again will she be a party to that feeling.

So, the happy ending isn't here. Bennu now feels alone and lonely in her digs, they are sad to come home to and she wants to be anywhere but here... she needs to find her way back to being content in her little abode and hope that when ATS can be around without interruption, he will.

She misses him greatly already...

Doug Hit the Nail on the Head, So to Speak

Sunday, April 09, 2006

The curse is broken

Once upon a time I lived in Rockport Texas. While there I took a walk often down by the bay. A 5 mile walk total, and I loved it every weekend. One day while walking I saw a woman about my age rollerblading down the street.

I could do that! I thought, so I went out and got some blades. I rode them about 4 times a week. There was a brand spanking newly laid asphalt street near our house that was over two miles long. At the end of the street there is a motorhome park that is paved in cement, so I would roll in there and go up and down the rows before returning to the smooth black comfort of the street and head home.

I skated that route and around the highschool which was on the other end of the street nearly every day during the week for over 3 months. My thighs, my butt, my calves, and my stomach all reaped the benefits. It is by far the best exercise I have enjoyed.

Of course all good things come to an end. I chose to move to New Braunfels to try to revive a marriage, and we all know that didn't pan out. There was not a fantastic street, that is flat and smooth for skating. There were many inclines and rough asphalt, and I was busy trying to save a sinking ship.

Then when it failed, I began hiking and while out one day I jumped down off a small ridge and blew out my Anterior Cruciate Ligament in my left knee. Having never had surgery or health problems that weren't child bearing related, I was the biggest baby and my recovery was not as I would have liked.

I have been studying fear as of late. It is so interesting how much fear rules our lives. It certainly does mine at times, when I don't want it to at all.
I have been in my skates once since my surgery, while out one night with RJ. I talked him into helping me see if I could get into them and stand up with my knee. Of course we had been drinking. I could skate, I was thrilled. I had on my knee brace and it was a dark parking lot/street and RJ had on boots so he couldn't keep up with me... so I just skated to the end of the street and back.

Since then there were issues with children, moving, jobs and all that other stuff that life is made of. And then... then there was yesterday.

I needed to get my mind off of where ATS was, and RJ was kind enough to join me at Woodlawn park. I rolled very ungracefully around the 1.33 trail, with RJ right there, in his running shoes, holding my hand until the fear of falling on my knee subsided. Of course I had to stop a few times to catch my breath and rebuild my strength in believing I would be ok to continue.

Woo Hoo, I made it, I rollerbladed, I didn't fall down, and I could tell how much it was going to make me feel better, if I went to do it more often.

Today, I believe I will try to do the same, except without RJ (he is in his cave) and near my abode.

It elevates my mood to see that I can conquer that fear, not only where my heart is concerned (yes, that is going well so far) but also in other areas.

Don't let fear rule your life, go out, be brave, try something you have been wanting to try, do something you want to do, as long as it is not harming others or hurting others.

Break your own curse.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

This One's for you Daddy

Today is the anniversary of my Daddy's death. He left this world 21 years ago today.


spoiled me

one Christmas, I wanted a fake tree instead of a real one... I was less than 10, but I had it in my head that was what I wanted. We couldn't afford a real one, much less a fake one, and I didn't know that until I thought about it many years later. We had a real tree and I had many many presents under the tree.

teased me

He had a toad one day. I was about 7, so it looked like a huge toad. I wanted the toad, so he made me a deal. I had a huge jar (f0r a 7 year old) of pennies and I gladly traded it. The next day the toad died. I am sure now I held it too long or too tight, but at the time I felt cheated... I wanted my pennies back, but Daddy said he wasn't going to trade back for a dead toad, he didn't need a dead toad.
I wish I could have asked him what he would do with a live toad, but I didn't think of it.

taught me silly things

You know the signs on the road that are yellow with a black bending arrows, some curve one way, some curve the other and some curve both ways, signaling a curves on the road? Daddy told me they mean for drivers to watch out for snakes. I told people that until I was a teenager and about driving age. So, what? are you thinking I am gullible? yes I am.

brought me cool stuff from his travels as an engineer for the railroad

autographed pictures of the Harlem Globetrotters
comic books he exchanged everytime he went to Sweetwater
something chocolate

and he loved me almost as much I loved him.

Unfortunately, he was an alcoholic who refused to stop drinking. and ended up drinking himself to death. He was selfish and suffered from low self esteem... thank goodness I didn't see those traits until right before he died.

Some years the anniversary comes and goes and then I remember about a week or so later. Some times I find I have a hard time for weeks before and after.
This year, I didn't realize until this morning while writing the date on 22 certificates for our awards ceremony this morning.

ATS has definitely had my mind pre0ccupied, and it is a good thing.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Stolen Questionaire from Jo

1. How did you get the idea for your profile name?

It is my geocaching nickname and the name of the Egyptian version of the Phoenix

2. What song are you playing now, or wish you were playing?
Meet Virginia by Train was playing, I have my varied music burned to the computer and I play it first thing in the morning.

3. Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry?
I don't think I have cried, but I have been very sad about some of them.

4. What colour underwear are you wearing?

5. Do you want a baby?
NO, I had two and they are practically grown, now it is my turn to be the baby

6. What does your dad do for a living?
He died when I was 22, but he was an engineer for the railroad

7. What does your mum do for a living?
She is retired, but she raises and sells Chihuahuas, she was a book keeper

8. What is/are your pet's name(s)?
No pets now but the best one I ever had was Chief, an Alaskan Malamute

9. What colour are your bed sheets?
White on White stripes

10. What are the last 3 digits of your phone number?

11. What was the last concert you went to?
John Mayer

12. Who was with you?
My two sons

13. What was the last film you watched?
Failure to Launch, in the theater

14. Who do you dislike most at this moment?
The bitches across the hall

15. What food do you crave right now?
Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate (I am trying to lose weight for the trip to Cozumel)

16. Did you dream last night?

17. What was the last TV show you watched?
Grey's Anatomy... I am addicted

18. What is your fav piece of jewellery?
My wedding ring, not for the symbolism anymore, but for the beauty of the ring, I miss wearing it greatly.

19. What is to the left of you?
A lavender candle on the desk, some bills, and my walking shoes on the floor
20. What was the last thing you ate?
Breakfast, sausage, mushroom, onion, and cheese omelette that I made

21. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex?
22. Who last MSN'd you?
I do Yahoo, and it was Walker

23. Where is your significant other right now?
still looking for me... (aka I don't have one at the moment, but there is a prospect)

24. Do you have a crush?
Oh yea

25. What is his/her name?
Matthew, George, and Robert

26. When was the last time you had your hair cut?
Two weeks ago

27. Are you on any meds?
No, but some people think I should be.

28. Do you have a mental disease?
I am additcted to diet coke

29. What shirt are you wearing?
My Stanford University T-shirt

30. Are you sexy?
I have been told I am, and recently as well

31. What's your favourite store?

32. Are you thirsty?

33. Can you imagine yourself ever getting married?
I have, I don't think I will again, but you never know.

34. Who's someone you haven't seen in a while and miss?
Audie, I haven't heard from her in months and we just get so busy we let time pass by, and sometimes I really want to know what greaat things are going on with her and how her kids are.

35. Where do you work?
For a large school district in the city, teaching Kindergarten, and I love it