Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Booty Call

or Mr. Handyman, literally...lol

That's right folks, I received a call from Mr. Handyman, two in fact, last night as I drove home from my weekend adventure. He wondered if I hated waking up alone as much as he does... well, hmmm, yes, but tomorrow and for the rest of the week, it is best I do wake up alone.

uh no, I didn't tell him that... lol, it was a matter of convenience for him. He had a job to do today on the South side of town, he lives on the North side of town and I live in the middle of town.

He didn't say that either, but I figured it out. I am not ready for that anyway... maybe in a few weeks, but not right now, with very fresh wounds.

It did make me smile... that horse isn't so many hands tall that I am not going to get back on it, I just don't know when I will.

Goodnight, Mr. Handyman, I have a big day tomorrow and it is late. Yes, it sucks waking up alone in the morning, but what is worse... what is worse is when you are waking up next to someone who isn't there for the right reasons or doesn't love you for you, but what you have...

Monday, May 29, 2006

Happy Holiday

That's right folks, in the US it is a holiday. Memorial Day, oh my goodness... isn't that the truth!!! Now I do respect our armed forces and those who have given their lives for our country, but here is my memorial day post that has nothing to do with the real meaning of the holiday....

I met a man that I would marry on a blind date on May 28, married him exactly a year later and celebrated the 28th of each month as an anniversary of sorts. Each Memorial Day Weekend lent itself as an opportunity to have a long weekend to celebrate our anniversary. I thought that one day I would be able let it come and go and not pay attention It has taken 3 years to not pay attention to the 28th of each month. I have done pretty well with it, esp. in April, but then yesterday, it hit me...

Memorial Day... yes, I have great memories and I have horrible memories, and yet somehow as time passes the bad ones are not as easy to remember and the great ones are. I guess when they say Absence Makes the Heart grow Fonder, they had the same experience as I am sure all of you have as well.

What I can say is that I learned my lesson and I will never go back, and rather than remember the bad, I would prefer to remember the good...

How else could I explain my attraction to the man I spent more time with than any other man?

I hope you had a great holiday weekend.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

A MerMan, yeah that is what I need

Added a new picture today... what do you think? I like him very much myself.

I had a date tonight, dinner with a very nice man, and then drinks at Amused Muse's home with some good conversation and laughter... I may live to see another day yet. Good night all.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... and you think ... ?

Immune :: to it all
Together :: again
Blank :: page
Professional :: Development
Thousand :: words
Penetration :: ahem!!!
Shutter :: bug
Upside down :: pineapple cake
Neck :: and neck
Unlisted :: phone number

stolen from Jo and written while stealing a few minutes before I get back to work.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Mother's Day Post Part 2

Both of my sons called and we had great conversations. That felt very good.

RJ came over and installed the new shower head, that will feel good.

I cooked my favorite meal, Fried Chicken, Granny Bea Potatoes, and salad and RJ and I had a great lunch. That was good.

We talked with tears in our eyes, for our own separate reasons, but for the fact we had each other to talk to, that felt good.

AM and Walker called and wished me a happy Mother's Day and I wished them the same. That felt good.

All in all, a better day than I anticipated.

Now on to the list for the day:

Install shower head ... check
Cook great meal ... check
clean out closet ... still doing
wash laundry ... in the process
finish my book, The Time Traveler's wife ... well if I finish the closet
write paperwork for work ... procrastinating, we will see...

have to get busy now, hope you all had a great day, I can't help but think of Jo celebrating her anniversary, and knowing she is having a grand time.

Mother's Day Post

I have called my mom, I have called my friends who are mothers, and now I am going to spend the day with my friend RJ, who lost his mom this year.

As I have said in the past, I think that when I lose my mother in this world, it will completely devastate me. If I can make his day a little less painful, I want to do it.

Walker wrote the best mother's day post imaginable, so if you want to read a touching post, go to Lost Here and Beyond and read.

Others of you, here is what I expect from my day.

I hope my children call, but if not, they are still young, they will figure it out one day.
I wish my friends would call, and I think they will.

I am going to prepare my favorite meal and share it with RJ. He is finally going to install my new showerhead and I am preparing to get my spare bedroom ready for unexpected guests.

If I keep myself busy and have others to talk to, esp. RJ or AM, then I will be able to keep my mind off the obvious loss in my life of late and my first Mother's Day without children in the house.

I miss them all, not just my own two.

Happy Mother's Day...

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Feasting on Friday (ok, Saturday)

I stole this from Jo, and thought it was funny since I am not hardly eating anything. I had a wonderful offer this afternoon to share a meal with someone dear at the Tip Top Cafe (my old favorite, as you all know by now) but I chose a cozy conversation on my couch instead. It was better than any meal I could have eaten today.

What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?
If you are talking Blue Bell brand then it is Mint Chocolate chip or chocolate covered cherry
If you are talking home made it is Blueberry Cream Cheese
If you are talking as a topping, like on a brownie or peach cobbler, it is Blue Bell Vanilla Bean

What are 3 things you would like to put in a time capsule?

I am taking this as a personal time capsule, although I have no idea why.
My blog, in written form, to show what was going on with me at a certain point in history. A picture of me and my sons, and a Texas State Quarter... I don't know why.

Name something you are 100% sure of.

I have had at least one great love in my life, regardless of how short the time we were together was. I have had the one that everyone says you will know instantly and never understand. I didn't think it existed before I experienced it.

Main Course
What is something you do to calm yourself when you're stressed or upset?

Flee, I flee, I get in my car and drive, I leave, I climb into a virtual hole and disappear, or climb a mountain, or mow the yard, or go to sleep... Until I can cope with what is going on, then I return... calmly (hopefully)

If you could receive an invitation to any important event, what would you like it to be?

Ok, my first choice I cannot share at this time, but my second, well that would be the Fourth of July Celebration in New York on a yacht in the bay with the Statue of Liberty in the background with the man of my dreams. I cannot imagine more beautiful fireworks or company.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

I Wish You Enough

here is where that saying I use came from... it is very appropriate right now

I never really thought that I'd spend as much time in airports as I do. I don't know why. I always wanted to be famous and that would mean lots of travel. But I'm not famous, yet I do see more than my share of airports.
I love them and I hate them. I love them because of the people I get to watch. But they are also the same reason why I hate airports. It all comes down to "hello" and "goodbye."
I have great difficulties with saying goodbye. Even as I write this I am experiencing that pounding sensation in my heart. If I am watching such a scene in a movie I am affected so much that I need to sit up and take a few deep breaths. So when faced with a challenge in my life I have been known to go to our local airport and watch people say goodbye. I figure nothing that is happening to me at the time could be as bad as having to say goodbye.
Watching people cling to each other, crying, and holding each other in that last embrace makes me appreciate what I have even more. Seeing them finally pull apart, extending their arms until the tips of their fingers are the last to let go, is an image that stays forefront in my mind throughout the day.

But I learn from goodbye moments, too.

Recently I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough." She in turn said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy."

They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

"Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me.

So I knew what this man experiencing.
"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?" I asked.
"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral," he said.

"When you were saying goodbye I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"

He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more."When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye."
He then began to sob and walked away.

For a long lost man, who I don't know if I will ever see again and
My friends,

I wish you enough!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Just For You

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)

i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Stop the World, I Want to get off

When I was pregnant with my first son, my mother just couldn't wait til I went into labor. She kept telling me what a big baby I was going to be.

Why would you say that? I would ask.

Because you are impatient and you can't stand pain. You are the biggest baby whenever you are sick.

And it is true, I am a big baby whenever I am sick, I am impatient, and I hate being in pain, although I have been told I have a high pain tolerance.

January 14, 1987, I woke up to a bed that was soaked. My husband took me to the hospital around 5 am and I was told my water hadn't broken, I had probably just lost control of my bladder and I was dilated to 3 and could stay that way for days. They sent me home.

Very disheartening... I was getting impatient.

My husband went on to work, a drive over an hour away. I stayed up and tried to sit on the couch and watch TV. I had been on bedrest for a few weeks because whenever I stood up my blood pressure rocketed and I would get dizzy and have to sit down. It took me a week to decorate the christmas tree that year.


I turned this way and I turned that way, but I couldn't get comfortable.

When I went to the bathroom, I noticed there was some blood on the tissue paper. I called the hospital nurse back.

Oh that is to be expected since we checked you this morning, don't worry about it, unless it worsens...

I was uncomfortable and getting more impatient.... but I went back to the living room and continued to try to lie down and watch tv.

About 9 am, my discomfort continued to grow. Then there was more blood. I called the Dr.'s office and she asked me if my husband could still drive me to the hospital.

I explained he had already gone to work, but I could drive, it wasn't that far.

So I drove myself to the hospital just as the sky began to spit snow and the wind began to howl.

The nurses hooked me up the fetal monitors and took my vitals and examined me again. Dr. Mary came in and she checked me. The nurses told me I wasn't going to have a baby that day with a very condescending smile.

I looked at her very sternly and replied, Oh yes I am.

Dr. Mary had them give me some morphine to relax, I couldn't lay there on that bed in any position and be comfortable. The fetal monitors were still normal and the belt to measure contractions was doing absolutely nothing.

At 2pm the nurse checked me again and said that I was dilated to a 5 but I could still walk around like that for days.

My mother showed up somewhere around then. We decided not to call my husband until the contractions started, or I was dilated to a 7.

At 4:30 they checked me again and I was dilated to a 10 and I had to start pushing. My contractions were all in my back, and the meds they gave me had me trying to not concentrate on my pain, but my mother stroking my hand from when she got there til we went into the delivery room. My huband showed up about 10 minutes before Gavin (nickname) was born.

At the time I didn't know anything was wrong, but I found out later....

The cord was wrapped around Gavin's neck 7 times, he was gray when he entered the world and had a very low APGAR score, I think a 2. I was not in the best of shape either, my placenta did not all break loose, instead it was in tears and not all where it should be.

Each time the nurses came in they pushed on my stomach and blood would gush from me like a river.

They finally decided I was bleeding too much and scheduled an emergency D&C.

When the Dr. who would be doing the surgery came in to see me, I was so low on blood that I had trouble hearing him and was fairly incoherent, but I know I wanted to know how good a dr he was and what exactly he was going to do.

As you all know, it turned out just fine. Gavin is making his way in life in Seattle. I went on to have one more baby even though I had originally wanted at least 6.

Some things are just not meant to be.

My mother would always brag about how well I handled the delivery and how I wasn't as big a baby as she thought I would be.
I chalked it up to the idea that
I knew when the day was done, my child was going to be there, so it was worth it. The pain would end and I would no longer need to be impatient.

I wish I could say the same for today.

I am in pain.

I have things I need to say and cannot.

I don't know when it is going to end and my impatience is getting the best of me.

I am trying.

I do not wish to inflict pain on anyone else.

I don't know when this pain is going to end and that drives me crazy.

This is when my impatience gets the best of me and I do stupid things, forgive me.

Everyone's advice is

Be Patient (and we all know how well I like to hear that)


Give it time, time will heal all wounds

They are so easy to say and so hard for me to do. I know they are difficult for others to do as well and I don't want them to hurt either. I certainly do not want to contribute to the pain of other's regardless of how angry or selfish I have been.

Monday, May 08, 2006

It's All About ME

Stolen from La Laquet ... here you go ... it's all about me, me, me, me, me!
I AM :: able to pinch with my toes
I WANT :: to be at peace with myself and others
I WISH :: I could have the time with my children when they were little back again.
I HATE :: dishonesty and losing trust
I MISS :: the flexibilty of teenage bones! I bounced out of bed and swam each day and had boundless energy ... no I drag myself out of the pit each morning and need caffeine to keep me going! and this one was Jo's but I agree with it so fervently that I couldn't change it
I FEAR :: cockroaches that can fly...
I HEAR :: peace and quiet, no noise in my neighborhood this time of th emorning
I WONDER :: if I am meant to be alone, *smiles sadly*, it would just be nice to know... then I could relax and stop trying to meet a good man.
I REGRET :: not putting my children's pictures in albums.
I AM NOT :: sexist, racist, ageist or homophobic.*yes, Jo's again, but it fits
I DANCE :: every chance I get
I SING :: to my little charges everyday and when I have the music up so loud you can't hear me, I can't carry a tune in a bucket
I CRY :: easily, because I am a very passionate person, and they flow when I'm both happy and sad.
I AM NOT ALWAYS :: as nice as I want to be, but I am working on it
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS :: wonderful creations in clay, copper enamel art, paintings, weavings of all kinds, and badly written blog entries.
I WRITE :: my blog, poetry, lesson plans, curriculum for teachers, presentations on Critical Thinking and letters to my friends and family.
I CONFUSE :: the sincerity of people and their motives
I NEED :: time to heal
I SHOULD :: be in bed alseep.
I START :: worrying when I shouldn't
I FINISH :: first, last, or in the middle, but as long as I finish, I am happy (think about it, it will make sense in a second)


Yes, I know, you all thought there would be no posts here for a week, and now it is as if I am brain vomiting.

Ok, so it isn't as if... I am brain vomiting.

If I get things out of my head, then perhaps my heart will heal faster.

If I had blogged all I had thought about blogging, it would have been ... Well, it would have been ugly and that would never do, would it? :)

I cleaned off my desk yesterday, to help try to keep my mind off other things. I thought I had removed all reminders of my recent indiscretion but I picked up an envelope just now, as I was preparing to dust and redress my desk and looked at it to see why I was keeping it.

A quote, the one and only I wrote down from HIM.

"If there is anyone I want to be deep with, it is you. Deep in Love, Deep in Lust, Deep in Shit."

and the tears began, again.

I know I will be fine, I know I will be just grand, I just don't know when it will be... and you know how that drives me crazy.

Yes, I threw it away.

I hoped the tears and heavy head and hurting heart would all that I would suffer, but apparently my insomnia has returned. So here I am with nothing to do very early in the morning.

I could have gotten up when I first woke up and made it to the plane to go to Cozumel, but I decided that the trip was tainted and I could not enjoy it at this time. Perhaps I am not meant for such folly, and if so, that is fine.

It was a hard decision, and I wrangled with it right up until 9 pm last night. I have never had such an opportunity, but then it turned into something ugly and I would not have enjoyed it as I had wanted. I have traveled many places alone, and even though I have enjoyed them immensely, regardless of other factors that could make them not so fun, it is not my desire to travel alone. It is my desire to have someone there to enjoy the entire experience with. I don't know when I will have that opportunity again, but I will take it into consideration when it does.
Then again, if it doesn't I am ok with that as well.

I keep thinking about my great aunt, who has been more of a grandmother to me, who never lived or traveled more than 100 miles from where she was born and how she lived a very full and happy life.

It doesn't matter where I go or how much of the world I see. It matters how I choose to spend my life where I am each day. I am going to try to do just that.

Yesterday afternoon was a great respite. Mr. Duvall was in town, which has never occurred before, we have always met in a quaint little town that lies between his town and mine. Yesterday he had been north of Austin on business and was on his way south.

We met at "The Villa" or at least that is the English translation, and had the best afternoon I believe we have ever had together.

He surprised me because he wasn't wearing his usual attire. He had on blue Khaki shorts, a short sleeve white button down, that looked great, sandals (which really surprised me and made me smile) and a baseball cap. His tan was returning and he was in rare form.

For a few hours, my laugh and smile returned.

Then I met RJ for a Poolside and lettuce wraps at my favorite Chinese restaurant. And in my tradition, here is my fortune from my cookie:

The strengths in your character will bring you serenity

I hope it is true. I am ready for some serenity.

Thanks for all the emails everyone, and caring notes, and esp. for being there for me, RJ, Muse, Walker, your love and caring mean the world to me.

Now I think that is the end of the brain dump. At least for now... and you all know that will wear off in a few hours and I will be back.

Saturday, May 06, 2006


Recently in a discussion of why I am so "weird" or different, I was told "If you watched 10 people do the same task, eight of them would do it the same way. Two of them would do it differently, and not necessarily like the other one (of the two) and you are in that two out of ten."

I have thought about this for a good long time.

It makes sense to me.

I mean, people don't understand why I do things the way I do. AND I don't understand why they are so oblivious to the way they do some things.

Here are some of the quirks I have noticed:

I tilt my head to the side to drink out of a straw (but hey, some men find this very sexy and have told me so. They like it and they think it is cute, so I ain't changing that one)

I like to have a bevnap, or beverage napkin for those of you who don't have a restaurant/bar background, under my beverages when I drink at a bar, at a table or anywhere I am going to be sitting at a table and having a drink or dinner.

I like good service and I hate to have a plate sit in front of me when I am finished eating. I want it carted away fairly soon.

I know I am using dining experiences to prove my point, but there are others.

I like a cold diet coke first thing in the morning. I like them cold, poured over ice and with my straw. I like to drink them before I get out of bed, while I am in the shower, and while I drive to work. (if there is an addiction I have, it is to caffeine and diet coke is my vehicle)

I tend to pick my spot at a table based instinctively on my left-handedness. Others who I know, who just happen to be left-handed as well, have pointed out that I take the best seat and leave them to bump their elbows on the wall... well it is better than beating your head against a wall isn't it? oh yeah, they do that too... anyway...

I take my shoes off as soon as I stop for a second in the house and think about it. This could be at the front door, under my desk, by the dining room table, by my bed, or in the bathroom. I hate wearing shoes, and my feet are starting to show the abuse I have inflicted on them for years by going bare foot. I hate wearing shoes all the time.

I like to sit by a pool and dangle my toes in the water, but I don't have to get all the way in.

When on the beach, I am happy to just sit and listen to the waves, or watch the water and wild life. I don't have to be entertained the whole time.

I can sit down at the computer, chat with a friend, read my daily blogs and laugh, read my email, write a blog entry, look at woot.com, pay bills, check cell phone usage or work on school stuff or all of the above and I might be there 20 minutes or like today, nearly 5 hours. It is an escape you know, when I have no other.

I Like to make my day with my 22 charges fun and educational but with just enough love mixed in to make it a great day. I don't like humdrummery and it offends me when others just want to make it through the day. That explains the bitches from hell and why we don't get along. I love what I do, I want to have fun at it, and I want them (my lovely little 5 year olds) to have fun too.

But I think, the thing that makes me one of the 2 out of 10 is that I am honest. If I like you, you know it, and if I don't like you, you know it. I am straight forward, or as RJ would say, I am blunt, I don't beat around the bush. I am loyal to a fault. I treat my friends the way I would want to be treated and sometimes lose friends because they aren't willing to do the same. I don't forget, but I tend to forgive easily and not hold a grudge (even when I want to).

There was a time I would yell and throw fits, but I think that went away with the last husband. I don't have that much fight in me anymore. I was once very clever and conniving (or so the wicked witch of an exhusbands exwife from hell described me) and a multi tasker, but that has gone away. Anymore, I sit and try to not be too reactionary when pissed off (ok, I know I still am, but all I said was that I try) and try to do the right things in the right order, give the benefit of a doubt and be the best that I can be for me.

So, if being the two out of ten means that I can be a better person, friend, confidant, employee, etc. because I do things on a higher level of consciousness and with higher expectations of others ....

then I like those statistics....


I have said it before and I will say it again... Collateral, The Movie, in the first 5-10 minutes is one of my all time favorite scenes. Jamie Lee Fox gives the woman who was a passenger in his cab a postcard of an island so she can take a vacation anytime she wants.

That's the short version.

The long version is that in a matter of a few short minutes they both can feel the energy or chemistry between them and he gives her one of his prized possessions that to someone else is nothing more than a post card. They are the best gifts, and even the ones that cost a lot of money, if they are something that the recipient really wanted and would prize, can be good gifts too... but only when you understand the sacrifice behind them.

I have never asked for a gift back before today. I don't know that I really even asked for it back, but when I gave it, I simply said that we were a package deal. I sacrificed too much to let it go with him without me. Now, I sit here looking at it wondering WTF I am going to do with it. I wish I had not accepted it back, it put a smile on his face, and it pained him to return it. Maybe that was the best part, to see him in pain over what he had chosen... so in a way it was my collateral and I had to collect it, due to default of promises made.

Collateral, the movie, was on today, in fact it still is, but I only watched the first few minutes... it is the best part, for me.

Dream the Impossible Dream
Be open to meeting great people anywhere and be a person of integrity that shines through
I hope I can do that again soon.

Mr. Duvall

She knocks on the door, he answers wearing his starched button down shirt, starched and creased jeans, cowboy hat and boots. He smiles, and she smiles. She steps inside, gives him a light hug and he offers to make her a drink. He has been at a cookoff, making killer bbq and winning prizes. He doesn't smell like smoke... because he has already had a bath... and he plants a big kiss on her, and says it has been awhile.

She has on a black skirt, camisole, bra and a sheer top with a huge poppy bloom on the front. Black stockings and high heels... he likes it when she dresses up just to let him undress her.

Yes, it has been too long. She explains how she has suffered temporary insanity for about 6 weeks, but it is over now, and she is glad to see him. They smile at each other, make a toast and sit down and catch up on each other's lives as she gives him a foot rub. When she finishes both his feet, he reaches for hers and returns the favor. They laugh and kid each other and some sweet kisses pass between them...

then a whole afternoon of great lovemaking ensues, until they both collapse and can no longer count how many times they have both encountered pure ectasy... they stop in between and chat, wet their whistles, shower or eat great bbq or other decadent items with each other in bed.

Never has she known a man like Mr. Duvall, he is a great dancer, very much a gentleman and can make love to her for hours until she cries "uncle". He is the oldest man she has ever been with and she wonders what his libido would have been like when he was younger, given what he can do at 57. His honesty, caring, and purity of heart make her know that even though there will never be more between them, she is happy to have him in her life.

The sun starts to set, she needs to start home because she has much to do the next week and he has his life to get back to. They say their goodbyes, wish each other good things until the next time they meet and drive away.

He always calls her to make sure she is home safely and she smiles when she sees it is him calling. He cares, she cares, there are other things in life that are much worse... but her Sunday afternoons with him ... pure heaven.

Today he took her call, and her Sunday Afternoon is looking very very good right about now...

(of course all names have been changed to protect the innocent. He looks like Robert Duval so that is his nickname, she met him on her birthday over a year ago and hopes she never has to call again and tell him she cannot see him again, his feelings were hurt even though he was hopeful for her prospect of a good man in her life (what a joke) the one and only time that has occurred since he met her)

I Have the BEST Friends in the WORLD

You never know what good friends are until you need some help. AM and RJ have really stepped up to the plate and taken really good care of me lately, despite the situations in their own lives.

I appreciate them so much... so if you have friends in your life who are there when you act stupid and love you anyway, let them know how much you appreciate them.

Act Stupid? Oh yeah, el stupido would be my behavior over the last month. I had the situation pegged from the beginning and stated as such and yet, the power of persuasion by an enigmatic man was more than I could resist.

I have gotten past the el stupido stage and am now at the WTF stage of NOW I can go back to my new life as it was before the MADNESS of the Craziest Bitch I have ever seen and her ball-less wonder, oh let's see, Walker came up with that one... Wee Willie Wonka.

Walker is now in the circle of Trust, we had a great talk today, and found that we could be dangerous when putting our heads together and coming up with new terms, or nicknames or topics to blog about... he told me how to say ugly things in other languages, like Arxithi, which fits CB or WWW but WTF, I am not that ugly, at least not most of the time, so then he came up with pousti, but I said that was still too much, so then he came up with Wee Willie Wonka and I said WWW... we both laughed...

yeah, I laughed, I needed a good laugh... and my friend Walker was there to make me laugh. RJ went with me to the "exchange" and made sure I was ok. AM was calling and checking on me quite regularly, so I have been surrounded by great people in the circle and one ass who just wishes he could be in the circle and one crazy bitch who wouldn't get the joke if I tried to explain it...

E v e n i f I t a l k e d r e a l l y s l o w

but hey if I were screaming... oh yeah, I don't do that, she does...

I am very thankful for my friends.

Thanks to all my online friends as well...