Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Have I lost my mind?

My son informs me that he intends to continue smoking and doing as he pleases and he won't tell me how he is getting the money. He said it in front of the pyschologist... among other threats, etc...

I am at my wits ends ladies and gentlemen. I cut him loose. Here are the cigs, there's your bike, you want to be grown up so bad, go for it....

I have Happy Hour plans for tomorrow, poker playing Friday night, a trip to the beach on Saturday and dinner with RJ on Sunday night.

I know it was harsh, but I don't know what else to do. His father agreed and didn't have another idea, so he "backed me up" as my son would say... since he thinks everything is my idea and his dad and my ex were just pawns who played along.... (I don't agree, but that's just me)

so tell me how crazy I am...

Monday, August 29, 2005

My World is Another World Alex... since you seem to think I left you hanging.

Here it is boys and girls, the cold, hard truth.

I have a problem child of 16, who even though he knows right from wrong, is well-mannered, and can be the sweetest kid on earth. He is about to drive me to an early grave in a hot pink cadillac. I don't think I could get there any faster if I tried myself.

I have money issues, many which I take the credit for, but many more that were from my marriage. I am cleaning them up, slowly but surely, but they raise their ugly heads for attention at the wrong time.

Details removed to protect the innocent

Everyone has been asking me how school was today... Ummm compared to my life, it was a piece of cake... The criers are still crying, the unruly child still refuses to come in the room, and I am exhausted at the end of the day, but it was easier than my son and my ex, by far....

OMG, please, don't tell me we live on the same planet... you don't have the money worries, the bad credit, the problem child.... and you still have your hair, except for Alex, he shaves his, I should I won't have much left soon.

Problem child is at band practice, I am free til 8 pm. I could go eat dinner, but alas, no one to eat with... and besides that it wouldn't hurt me to lose some weight... perhaps a liquid dinner... there are still frozen cosmos in the fridge....

(sidenote, you do remember that the term fridge comes from the brand name Frigidaire, frigid aire, I love it... I am not frigid, and I could use some air)

Calgon take me away

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Blogging? Why do I do it?

More than one person, some bloggers, some not, have asked me about my motivation to blog.

It is my "release". There is a new Anna Nalik (sp?) song out and she speaks of pouring her diary out in a song, so that it will no longer take over the life she has now. I feel that way as well. If I let it out, through the blog, then I can let it go. If I hold it in I will destroy myself little by little. I could write it in a regular journal, and I have, but somehow, when I can see the similarities between what I am feeling and how others feel, it makes me feel not so all alone or the only one dancing to the my own beat. I like how Whirlwind says she has felt like she is the lone ranger and didn't fit into the Stepford way of life. I didn't either, and I didn't understand what was "wrong" with me. I know there is nothing exactly "wrong" , I am just my very own person, who happens to be very different from others.

I enjoy writing my blog, reading what others have to say and reading others blogs and commenting. It is time consuming, but for me, it is part of my social life, without leaving my youngest alone. It works for me, and during the middle of the day at work, I take a peek to see if anyone has said anything on my blog, and it usually lifts my spirits if they have. I cannot post from work, but I can check.

Thanks to all who visit, I appreciate your "addition" to my life when you post. I have met some wonderful people who are from another "world" even though they think it is the same as mine. I would write a blog all about it, but it isn't necessary. I appreciate the light and amusement they bring.

I enjoy blogging, and I like that it is somewhat "anonymous", since I don't have to live, work or deal with you on a daily basis....not even RJ, who I believe is the only main blog reader who posts that I do see sometimes.

You all missed a great Frozen Cosmopolitan Party, next time come after dark, see the fireflies, and help me hang the patio lights. RJ, next time, since you haven't brought the mower yet, we might have to have a machete to fight our way through the lawn to the patio. (Don't let Alex know I wrote about knives or he will make another comment about them being a fetish for me, when really feathers are)

Have a fantabuloso week... all of you

Yum Yum Yum... Frozen Cocktails

I just now broke out the Cosmopolitans... they weren't frozen at the end of the day yesterday. I am working on the last, for a week or so last, paper for my master's program, so I chose to celebrate early. It should be a doozy of a paper. Of course, youngest man/child saw me getting the cocktails out of the freezer and the following ensued:

You can't start drinking now!

Why not? I have all my papers written, except the last one...

Because we are going shopping for school supplies and you shouldn't drink and drive.

Oh, I have to write another paper before we go shopping.

Yeah that gives it just enough time to kick in.

Let's hope so... lol

*really I don't usually drink and drive, at least not much.

Ok, go ask your brother (who has his license) if he wants to go...
Man, why won't people let me have some fun? I am tired of being the grown up....

A NEW KIND OF LIST: What I WANT to DO, rather that what I have to do

Sit in the sun (of course) on the beach next weekend
Go to a mexican food place in Austin that is owned by the same family as my mom's favorite place in Amarillo
See a movie maybe even at the drive in theater
Have flowers to enjoy during the day until this summer I was buying flowers to have in a vase on my desk. This job is so hard so far, I am thinking I might even have them delivered. I am cheap so probably will just get them at the grocery store as usual. Ten bucks goes a long way when it is flowers that make me smile.
Go to the gym each morning yes, it is something I WANT to do, until the alarm clock goes off at 4. I am hoping my "get up and go" will get me up to go...

That's all I can think of right now.. see, not too hard to please... of course, now I can think of a good pool game, or darts, or a good walk etc. but the ones above are the ones that came to mind since this morning.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

THE LIST for Sunday

Take man/children to breakfast.
Clean out the Honda
Wash the Honda
Drink Frozen Cosmopolitans
Sit in the sun
Do some school/job related stuff
Clean my room
Clean the living room
Clean the kitchen
Do Laundry
Get my week's worth of clothes ready
Pack for mornings in the gym
reset alarm
Put Monday's clothes/prep stuff in Honda
Go to bed early

The Mexican

When two people love each other, but they just can't seem to get it together, when is enough, enough?

Never.... boy that was a good point, I have someone I really want to read this, I hope they are paying attention.

Why Do I Need to Clean House?

As I listened to JB and Sandy on Mix Radio in Austin Texas the other morning, they were discussing a recent poll. I caught the conversation mid stream, so I am not sure where the poll came from. The poll was about how people felt about the cleanliness, neatness of their surroundings while making whoopee. (I know, it has been on my mind for weeks now, so buy stock in Duracell, the coppertop stock) So, as it turns out, 90 someodd percent of men are totally unaware of their surroundings and care less. Women, on the other hand, are distracted during Whoopee, if things are undone, messy or dirty or cooking.... at least about 70 percent of them are. Those are terrible statistics....

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies, let it go, the house will wait, the man will not, enjoy him while you can....

Anyway, I clean house to try to distract me from these thoughts. Obviously, today it isn't working.

William Austin Andrews

I was suppose to be working at the hospital all weekend. Bill had called me a time or two, and I had wished him a happy birthday. I teased him that he was suppose to be an April Fool's baby, but it was a joke, so he was born the next day. I know it wasn't funny... you had to know how we talked to each other. I only saw him occasionally, he traveled for his work.

I met him in Amarillo right after my first divorce. I was out at a dancehall with a friend from work. His friend asked mine to dance, then she told me he wanted to dance with me, and his friend told him I wanted to dance with him. LOL, he is from Florida, so he wasn't much of a two stepper, but he was very charming. They took us to breakfast. He was a perfect gentleman, I was so impressed I invited him to join us the next weekend, for my divorce party.
My divorce party was fun, I had 10 men at the house before we left to go dancing and no women, they were all at a volleyball tournament and they made it to the championship, anyway, when they showed up, we left for the dancehall. I had a "date" of sorts, who was acting like an ass... he made it clear up front that he wouldn't pay for me to get in the dancehall, I said it was ok, I have a VIP card.

Once inside he didn't want to pay for my drinks, so my friends did instantly, and then he was off on his own, "see ya later, loser, I don't have to put up with that, that is why I got a divorce". I look around and there is Bill, smiling at me... we dance, we laugh, he tells me that when I am ready to go to breakfast to let him know. God, I can still see that killer smile and shining eyes.

We dated for nearly two years. I drove to Dumas, Hereford, Odessa to see him. I had never flown on a plane, but when I heard it was his birthday, and that he was "supposedly" alone in Decatur near Dallas, I decided to go out on a limb. I talked to him on the phone, to make sure he wasn't going anywhere. I asked my supervisor if I could take the weekend off, since it was slow, and I called and got a ticket on Southwest.

I flew to Dallas, rented a car, drove to Decatur, TX. to surprise him.I had them call him from the front desk to tell him that a package had been delivered for him. He didn't expect me, I don't think. He was there, working for a company out of Florida. I dated him for a great deal of time over 10 years ago. I miss him to this day. We always had a blast. I have always wondered what became of him. I think about him often and still have some B/W photos I took of him while we were in Odessa.

Now that is one person I wouldn't mind running into again.

The Planet's are Aligning... Again

d.k. inspired this entry.

Every once in awhile, Amused Muse and I will have strange things happen. Events, people, or just plain weird sh*t, from our past will raise their ugly heads, or intriguing heads, and it seems to happen about the same time for both of us. One of us will call the other and state "the planets must be aligning". Then we both laugh and compare stories. We were both born in the same month, with about a week between birthdays... so we think it has something to do with that, even though our ages are not close.

An example, trying to make it short and sweet... I met a man while in another city last November, we exchanged phone numbers, spent a lovely evening together, just drinking and dancing, nothing more. He promised he would drive the distance to see me. Ever since he has been trying to get me to drive to his city again... and I refuse, I can't be gone with my son's situation. In June, he called again, along with a man I know in Florida who wanted me to drive to see him as well, and another guy who had been trying for two weeks to "pick me up" through the internet was trying to get me to come see him....

Early June Amused Muse called and said her planets were aligning how about mine... uh yeah, check this out... told her, she told me hers, what's up with that?

You never know who you will hear from or run into, but inevitably it won't be the people you really want to hear from or see...

*sidenote: I have driven to meet men, see men, etc several times in my life, only once was it worth it for me, and they never come to see me, so I refuse to do it ever again, until a man shows me he will drive the distance first. I am lonely, but I am not that lonely anymore.

Big City

Sometimes I wonder how I manage to never run into men I have dated before. I have been watching two shows, a new one, Single in Atlanta and my old tried and true, Sex in the City. Today, (yes I tape and watch when I can) I watched SIA, and one of the girls went out on a date to only be in the same place as the last man she went out with that was psycho.
Then on Sex in the City, Carrie ran into Big at a party in the Hamptons, when he was suppose to be in Paris. Of course he was with Natasha (what a bullshit name...inside joke) .

Now, some things that happen with them, I can relate to, but this is not one of them. I never see my ex husband, who, I think, still lives in the same town as me, which is small. Nor do I run into any other man I have gone out with, had a relationship with or danced with. At least, not accidentally. I guess that is one great thing about living by a large city, or is it? There is one or two, that I would like to see once in awhile without it being a negotiated meeting with them... exhusband excluded from this crowd.

It would be nice to be able to say hello, give a hug and wish good things.

A hug, yeah, that is probably the bottom line. Some human contact would be nice...

but the uncomfortable feeling of seeing someone who broke your heart or who was a psycho (returning to the feelings in the shows), no, I don't miss that at all.. that is one thing I don't have to worry about... and boy am I glad...

An "Aside" for the Invisible Man

I was in the grocery store Thursday morning and walked by a display of "Yoda" talking "dolls".... laughed for several minutes in thoughts of you I did, my friend, I miss you as do many others, I have noticed.

Pink Streaming Cosmos Coming My Way

I love the comment from SouthernGirl about pink streaming light is best for you... I can think of many "pink" things I would like to see, streaming, light, or not... today it is going to be Frozen Cosmopolitans, I never made them the other day, they have to freeze over 8 hours. As I type they are in the freezer, with a bottle of Absolute mixed in. I am so excited, in 8 hours or so, I will definitely be ready for them. I need some pink streaming light, and I am gonna make my own...

Of course, if anyone wants to join me, I wouldn't mind....

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Passion and Perfectionism

The other day I was talking to a very intriguing man and a strange thing happened. I had been expressing my surprise that he was single and not dating anyone at the moment, given his positive attributes.

He explained that it was because he is a passionate person. When he dates someone, it is "all about them", but the women he has dated did not reciprocate in kind. He elaborated further only to drive home my initial thoughts.

I could certainly relate to his view. I don't think he meant he was clingy, or that he had to have them with him 24/7. I took it as if he was really into them and their lives but they weren't as into him or what was going on in his life.

I have pondered the conversation content for a week now. It is odd to me how we are all so much alike and how we think we are all so different. I consider myself a very passionate person. I am passionate about my work, my friends, my lovers (if/when I have one), my family, my background, my hometown.... etc...

I am also a recovering perfectionist. I say recovering because I realize there aren't enough hours in the day to do things the way I really want them done and I don't have enough money to be able to afford to pay someone else to do it right. Which, we all know, they wouldn't do it to suit me anyway.

I asked a parent to help me with a simple task of taping down a note in each of the homework folders of my students. I had to purposefully not watch her do it, because there were folds in the tape and it wasn't done "perfectly". I have to let some things go and not be "just so". It isn't easy...

So... in the realm of my conversation with the luscious man, who will never be mine, and the thoughts of passion and perfectionism...

I have decided that although I don't like being alone so much, I would rather wait for the man who shares a passion for life, is as "into" me as I am him, and for that, perhaps it is best I don't look, but simply let it happen, if it is meant to be.

A side note: Starting the first week of school is very hard for me to do without any support at home. When I started teaching I was married, and the home support and thoughtful flowers and cards from him and my mother were so comforting and made me feel like there was a "team" of support behind me. If there is something I really miss each year, it is that feeling. I come home in tears nearly everyday, with no energy left for anything else. Teaching may not pay in monetary means, and it may be the hardest work on the planet, but I am very passionate about it and want to give it my all... and at the end of the day I am empty with no one to fill me up again...

Sometimes passion and perfectionism aren't what they are cracked up to be.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

No Child Left Behind

My own version of No child left behind is the idea that at the end of the day I put the ones that ride the bus on the bus and all the other parents showed up to get their child... ;) and there is no child left behind

The President says we must educate all children equally and all should learn. He has raised the bar and expected schools to "reinvent" how they do things with students, which I don't have a problem with, but he wants them to do it with less money, not more. The legislature of Texas has met in at least 3 special sessions where they were suppose to come up with a way to create revenue for schools rather that 65% of school funding coming from local property taxes. I think (I really get so upset with politics it is best I don't know all the cold hard facts), the other 35 is state funded. There are specific places each kind of funding can cover or go. Anyway, the legislature can't come up with a solution for more funding, or better funding, I think, mainly because they know they want to be re-elected and if they do the "right" thing, they probably wouldn't get re-elected.
Anyway, the money that goes to buy new textbooks and ship them to schools was approved to be spent in May 20-05, but our illustrious governor did not release the funds until last Friday, after more than half the state had been in school for a week. They had a perfect quote on TV from a young man in a computer-related class who said something to the effect of "They want no student left behind, but that is exactly what they have done, we are all left behind without books to learn from". His textbook won't be arriving for another month. My own son, who failed French last year and is retaking it, informed me today that his 'new' French textbook won't be in for another month. Use the old one was my solution... well his teacher wants to wait and use the new ones so they are going to do other things until then.... not that I agree with that, what I don't like is that my child is being "left behind" because of the freakin' governor and the state legislature not doing their jobs. Rick Perry (governor) was in San Antonio this morning and talking double speak as usual.

Funny, a Texas legislator's child can come home complaining there were no sprinkles on the birthday cupcakes at school and the legislature will immediately, the very next day, in fact, pass a law that the birthday cupcakes can have sprinkles on them, but they can't make the decision as to how the schools in the state will be funded to give their child and all the others in the state a decent education.... not to mention the salaries of the teachers who work with his child.

I am ashamed of how public education is viewed in this country, but I am more ashamed of how little the lawmakers respect learning and educators.

You take any one of them and put them in a room of 22, 5 year olds and see if they make it through the day without wanting a raise... and a decent snack for those kids...

Kindergarten isn't even funded by the State of Texas, the individual school districts fund it so the students can be prepared for 1 st grade and not be "left behind". Why are we not working to pay teachers like they have their Doctorate? Wouldn't that be showing that education is valued?

(ok, d.K. You inspired me. I know it isn't a great politically written post, but it has heart)

Monday, August 22, 2005

I am a Survivor (of the first day of kindergarten)

Let's see... I was at work at 6:30 this morning after a trip to the grocery store for a few supplies for school.

I left school at 7pm, and still brought stuff home.

Went to the grocery store on my way home, arrived home about 8:30 pm.

Created homework folders til 10 pm while watching Medium.

It has, to say the least, been A DAY....

I didn't eat lunch, I ate dinner in the car on my way to the grocery store (don't ever go to the grocery store hungry).

I need some instant lunch.. there isn't time to heat anything up...

However, I did survive...

C'est La Vie

First Day of School

Yes, I woke up very early and couldn't go back to sleep. I relayed my post about what I do for my insomnia to Amused Muse. She said "You gave them all those things to try when they don't even work for you?" and today or last night, they didn't....

Anyway, I didn't dream about school, I am sure that will be tonight. I didn't have trouble going to sleep and I didn't have trouble staying asleep until 4 am, so I might as well get up and get ready for my day.

Wish me luck! Send me good vibes throughout the day. Think of all those little darlings who don't know how to line up in a line, stay in their seats, transition from one activity to another, and who would like to be at home, just like I would, with their moms to the point some (several) of them cry before the day is out.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Streaming Pink Light Just for you

I have changed the template of my blog in support of all those in our lives who have cancer. So many times when I see things like cancer occurring in the lives of people around me, I don't know what to say or even how to act, so sometimes I am only supportive by being quiet. I know that sounds funny, but I would rather say nothing than say something inane that doesn't sound sincere. I am the one to give a hug or squeeze a hand. I think that came about when my dad died. I had all these people saying things to me that sounded insincere or just going through the motions and I don't ever want to do that for someone else.
Southern Girl told Alextrex that pink streaming light was the best light to brighten your mood and pink is the color for the women's cancer movement, so here is to you and all those around you who are affected by cancer in their lives. I wish you enough.... the story of which is:

"I wish you enough!"©By Bob PerksContact Bob

I never really thought that I'd spend as much time in airports as I do. I don't know why. I always wanted to be famous and that would mean lots of travel. But I'm not famous, yet I do see more than my share of airports.
I love them and I hate them. I love them because of the people I get to watch. But they are also the same reason why I hate airports. It all comes down to "hello" and "goodbye."I must have mentioned this a few times while writing my stories for you.
I have great difficulties with saying goodbye. Even as I write this I am experiencing that pounding sensation in my heart. If I am watching such a scene in a movie I am affected so much that I need to sit up and take a few deep breaths. So when faced with a challenge in my life I have been known to go to our local airport and watch people say goodbye. I figure nothing that is happening to me at the time could be as bad as having to say goodbye.
Watching people cling to each other, crying, and holding each other in that last embrace makes me appreciate what I have even more. Seeing them finally pull apart, extending their arms until the tips of their fingers are the last to let go, is an image that stays forefront in my mind throughout the day.
On one of my recent business trips, when I arrived at the counter to check in, the woman said, "How are you today?" I replied, "I am missing my wife already and I haven't even said goodbye."
She then looked at my ticket and began to ask, "How long will you...Oh, my God. You will only be gone three days!" We all laughed. My problem was I still had to say goodbye.
But I learn from goodbye moments, too.
Recently I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough." She in turn said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy."
They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?"
"Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me.
So I knew what this man experiencing.
"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?" I asked.
"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral," he said.
"When you were saying goodbye I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"
He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more."When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.
"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye."
He then began to sob and walked away.
My friends, I wish you enough!

Thanks D.K. I stole your clock link

Now you will all know what time it is in my world.

It's a Sunshiny Day

I have much to do today, so here is the list.

sit in the sun
Work on my paper for my master's class.
sit in the sun
Make stew in the crock pot
sit in the sun
Make Mexican casserole
sit in the sun
Do Laundry
sit in the sun
Put together clothing choices for next week
sit in the sun
clean livingroom,
sit in the sun
clean kitchen,
sit in the sun
clean dining room
sit in the sun
Go to the movies (Skeleton Key)

That's about it. I spent a great deal of time getting what little tan I have, I don't want to lose it. Come and join me, I will make froze Cosmopolitans too...

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Toasted, Yes, I am

In Bennu speak, that means I am more than a bit tipsy. It was a rummy day... it started off with me working, yes I said working, on a Saturday. While I sat in my way too quiet room working, I decided to turn the tv on... and low and behold there was a 30 minute cartoon using the "Bennu" bird as the basis of the story line... seems in the cartoon the Bennu was the creator of the universe... hmmm, very interesting, so I watch to see what happened. I don't remember the name of the cartoon but I think it was a cross of Einstein's name and someone elses. Keep in mind, I am toasted.
Anyway, then RJ came by and helped me run some errands and we went to lunch. I had the Rico Rita with lunch. There is a limit of two for a good reason folks, and I only had one. Then we ran a few more errands and I left to go see Amused Muse, after promising to go play pool later.
Amused Muse entertained me and fed me, but most of all, she supplied me with mass quantities of rum and Diet RC cola. It was great. So about 8, I left to meet RJ at Bombay Bicycle Club for a few games of pool (he will say he whooped me, but really I played the dumb woman card and lost on purpose). I quickly found that my new glasses are not conducive to playing pool. I will wear my contacts next time... boy am I glad I wasn't betting. After a few games we chose to sit and talk awhile, near the bar. Lo and Behold a young "gal" came in wearing shorts that were way down on her hips and her shirt was tied up under her breasts. She had a great body, but I was looking at her thinking she could have shown off her body in a more positive manner without the low riders like a plumber (but no, her crack wasn't showing). Anyway, RJ and I discussed her outfit and how a woman could think it looked "good". A little while later the waitress came by and said something to the effect of:

I saw the once over you gave that woman and I totally agree, I couldn't believe what she had on. I totally get it.... something to that effect... RJ said he was going to blog about it, so maybe his mind isn't as clouded as mine... I laughed though, I didn't mean to be that obvious, I was just my little toasted self having my own good time... I got caught giving the "look"... oh well, C'est La Vie (that's french Alex) lol....

so now I am home, giving Bob a booty call... see you guys tomorrow after Skeleton Key...

Bon Noir.

White Noise

No, this isn't a movie review. It is a comment on why I use a box fan for white noise to help me sleep. Maybe it is because if I am at the beach the sound of the water and wind are so relaxing they put me to sleep, but the tapes of that sound doesn't. Maybe it is just because I CAN'T hear what the man/child is doing or when the oldest one comes in, so I am not awakened to only not be able to go back to sleep.... and when camping, it might keep you cooler to have a small oscillating fan turned on, or then again, it might just keep the critter noises around from waking you up too early.

Friday, August 19, 2005

It isn't anything a good strong drink and a roll in the hay won't take care of

Amused Muse has some man stuff going on in her life. Plus we are about to start school next monday. I talked to her yesterday, to hear how she is at times, frustrated with her SO, who isn't suppose to live with her, but he is for a *supposed* short period of time. So, LSS, she gave me the LD on what was going on and then she said the title...

Yeah, but the second one is difficult when you don't have a SO.... so how do I relieve my stress... ?

How's Your Art Hanging?

And for those of you who don't know what I am asking (it is aimed at the man in the cave, if he is reading), it is a simple *Hey, How ya doing?* .

I had my first day of meeting my new charges. They are so cute. I went over all the business with one young man, named Jakob, about what bus would he ride, does he know his colors, numbers, abc's... then I asked him if he had any questions he wanted to ask me...

Yes, How do you bathe a cat?

Woo Hoo, Very Carefully Jacob, Very Carefully

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Movie Review

Alex, who has become a ghost, wants us to review Skeleton Key. I won't be watching it tomorrow, but perhaps Sunday afternoon. I really would prefer to do some heavy drinking on Saturday and then go see Wedding Crashers. Amused Muse and I are mulling it over. We are both pretty broke til the first of the month, so I have some free movie bucks and she has rum.... sounds like a movie date to me... and a silly good time, which if you read my last post, you know I need it...

Just do the Damn Dishes!!!!

My home has become a prison. I am so tired of coming home to not one dirty bowl per man/child, but sometimes they have multiplied exponentially, so there are two on the coffee table, one on the dining table, one on the kitchen counter, one near the sink but not in it, and you guessed it, not one of them has been rinsed out, so there is *gunk* all over them... then there are drinking glasses, cups, spoons, knives, and whatever they mixed stuff up in, or heated it up, or poured it out of.
My solution:

Each man/child has 2 of everything, because they can relate to that (yes, you know what I am talking about, even if some of you that I know only have one). 2 plates, 2 bowls, 2 glasses, 2 salad plates (yes, I know they don't use them for salad) and unlimited silverware. The *pairs* are color coded. Green for one, Blue for the other. I, on the other hand have the use of all the other dishes, all at my disposal.... which I know isn't working, but I haven't made a decision about me yet....

Why you ask? How does that work? Well, if I say something to the youngest about what is on the coffee table, he denies, and puts off on older MC. Older MC denies and says he is never in the Living Room, which is true, he is a hermit in his own room... NO ONE, except me, fesses up to the use of the dishes...

Youngest MC has been home alone for two days now. He sleeps late, so that helps, but he has been unsupervised for the 6 hours or so before I get home (my school has started, his hasn't). I call and leave a long verbal list of things to keep him a tad busy. I call and make sure he is answering the phone. I have not once gotten him personally. He calls me back and says he was napping or feeding the dog, or some other lame excuse that I am not sure I should believe.

I come home, last night at 8(went to HH remember) and tonight I was home at 5 because I had driven back to have a conference with all his teachers at 3:30 and then came home. NOTHING< I REPEAT NOTHING on the list has been done. I calmly tell him to do the dishes, which consists of loading the dishwasher, and he starts asking about the reason for the colored dishes, if it is so that he only washes his own dishes. I explain that I don't care what color his dishes are, that if I tell him to do all the dishes, he does them... end of discussion...

he starts arguing, I explain I will not argue, drop it and move on, I am done, just do the damn dishes.... I give him another list, explain it must *all, I mean * all get done before I get home tomorrow or he will lose something of value to him.

So... what is he doing? Sitting in his room playing an electric guitar...

You know, if there was a return aisle for children you want to exchange for another, today I would be in that line, at the front, looking over the others...

I know aliens have taken my son somewhere and one of them is here in his body... because that is not "my son"....

UGGGHHH Calgon take me away....


peace and quiet
child support
peace and quiet
child support
peace and quiet
child support....

well I guess I will keep him here a little longer, but if things aren't better by Christmas, I am giving myself the present of sanity and passing the job to his dad, I know how that sounds, but I also don't want to go to prison for killing my son....

Now Honestly, we all, those of us who have children, can relate to this feeling... I hope it goes away soon, because if I said this outloud, I would be flogged in my town, and by my family...

Tough Love, I hate it....

The Cat Man

The last guy I guess I could say that I "officially" dated worked for the same district I do. He didn't work at my school or any school and I really didn't have any contact with him, but when we quit seeing each other, it still felt funny. I had to go to the building where he worked a time or two on business, I met others he worked with, so when I saw them it was weird, I guess because I wondered what he had said to them. So, to explain to Alex why I don't want to date anyone who works for my district, much less my school (even though he sizzles), I will tell the story of the Cat Man.

Divorced man, father of one (weird) teenage son. Lived in an apartment, drove a VW Passat station wagon. Owner of two cats, one of which had a fur problem, it was falling out in tufts. Grown cats, registered, male and female, brother and sister.
Many weird things, like he *had* to see me every day, which I got accustomed to, so then it wasn't so weird, but then he didn't want to see me but once a week. "After the initial dating period of one month, we should not see each other so much". WTF? ok, fine,
Anyway, the cat with the hair falling out. We took him to the vet. The vet did all these tests, cost big money. Said he must have been chewing on some special plastic, did Cat Man let him chew on plastic? NO, CM said.
The last, and I do mean the last time I was there, I went to the bathroom, and the cat was chewing on the toothbrushes in the cup by the sink. The toothbrush I took for me, and CM's toothbrush.

"ummm... Cat Man, did you know the cat has been chewing on our tooth brushes?"

*with a straight, serious face*
"Yeah, of course, they need clean teeth too..."

in honor of Roxxy, eeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

That was all it took, all of the sudden I was in the twilight zone and had to leave. As I left I heard him talking to the cat as he held it... (is she crazy? of course you want clean teeth, just like me...)

Now, I haven't told that story to very many people, mostly just guys who ask about my dating life. That was over a year ago, and now I just don't want to date, even if I do want a man in my life.
The twilight zone is not a place I want to be. I have enough weird She ite in my life now. It is nice to look at someone or talk to them and have that "crush tingle" and I didn't know if I was going to find that again, so that is fun... but that is enough right now...

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Happy Hour

Today was a magenta day Alex, you would be so proud of me, I went to Happy Hour. Yes, I took some time for me. You have asked me through email so many times if I am feeling better. Right about now I am feeling really good. Went to Happy Hour with the Librarian, and .... you guessed it, the PE Coach. NO, they aren't dating...*evil delicious grin* BUT, he is 10 years younger than me... *sigh* I can still enjoy his company and not be tempted to cross the "line". I really like him though, he is a very verbal, passionate, funny and quick guy. The Librarian is as well. I was really excited when they invited me to join them. We are now all drinking buddies but we are keeping on the DL, because we don't want a big crowd joining us all the time. I am sure I will go to HH with others at other times, but it is nice to feel "safe" saying what you want to new coworkers and not worry about who it will be repeated to.

Bottom Line, I laughed, I took some time for me, I got a hug in the end and now I can feel somewhat refreshed (for a day or two) and it felt good.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Dick... :What I didn't get done last night

And NO< Alex, That isn't a sexual innuendo comment.

Alex has made a confession. He is lazy. He likes distractions. Blogging is a distraction. Last night he was down (who isn't?) and was wanting a cheerful banter convo with Roxxy and myself to distract him from his blue mood since his (way too serious, way too fast) girlfriend was gone, after he spent the entire weekend with her.

Alex, honey, blogging is not a money maker for the folks I know here. It is a distraction. It is a creative outlet. For some, a political creative outlet, and others, like me, just an outlet to get things out of my head.

I hope that if you chose to not get something done for a little while or even just a minute, you will take the time to show up here. Just wear a mask and use the secret password and handshake and I will know it is you.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Movie Review and Movie Dates

Movie Date Alex? Only if it is The Skeleton Key or Wedding, I can't wait to see it. I have no interest in seeing War of the Worlds or Tom Cruise. He did all that publicity because he and Spielberg made a bad movie, bad, bad, movie.

Movie Review: This weekend we watched The Jacket and Finding Neverland. I loved them both. The Jacket was intriguing and difficult to watch. Difficult in that it was painful, I felt so bad for the main character that when pain was inflicted on him I flinched. It was a bittersweet tale, as was Finding Neverland. I love just about every movie Johnny Depp is in. Kate Winslet is ok in most things, but she was really good in this one. I didn't know the story behind Peter Pan, and actually the only version I have ever seen is the movie with Robin Williams in it. I liked the line about us always chasing after time, and the crocodile had a clock in him. Anyway, it is a very good movie.

If it were a perfect day: It would be magenta, but alas, it is just a day one shade off of blue, but hey it is a start

AlexTrex, don't you dare ask me what color magenta is... google it.

The family trauma has been solved. My mother was quite the queen of cool and didn't give me the hell she could have... *big heavy relaxing sigh...

Today was my first official day back at school. We had a teacher inservice all day, but it was a good time to "mingle" with my cohorts. The PE coach is quite the hottie, but I think the librarian has her eye on him.... of course, that was first observation, so I might be wrong...wink wink, nudge nudge...

Worked in my room afterwards, got some great ideas in an email from a friend that is a former kinder teacher. Filled some small tin buckets with sand for a good place to keep scissors safe.Sand, my friend, yes, I said sand. Sand is my friend, sand is my friend, sand is my friend (inside joke see beach posts to get it).

Youngest man/child finally figured out that he can take the trash out without being told if he notices when it is full. That lesson just took 16 years... actually, I had a flailing fit with him on Saturday. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, I lost my cool, my arms were flailing, I was crying and screaming, and he was literally freaking out. I told him to get out of the house, that I couldn't look at him for awhile. Now considering that I am usually trying to keep him in the house and out of trouble, this request was quite perplexing to him. I found him in the carport in a daze afterwards, when I thought he would have jumped on his bike and gone for a great big joy ride via my request to "GO, JUST GO". Man, why didn't I do that one sooner? You just never know what is going to work.

After a crowded and time consuming jaunt to the local grocery store, I came home to the chicken noodle soup I put in the Crock Pot yesterday. It was ok, but I need to figure out how to do the spices with that thing. Of course, I emailed Alex for a recipe yesterday and didn't get a response til this morning... oh well. The soup is good and is good for my soul as well. I feel a bit brighter today (note the color in my post Cherie)

Now it is time for Master classwork. NO time time think of lightning rods or Bob... but soon, soon, PePe, I will be looking for you...

Saturday, August 13, 2005

The color of the day: Blue

Today I am blue. How did they come up with a color to describe a mood? Does that mean The Blue Man Group (which I have never seen) is a show about melancholy fellows? Blue is a cool color, as in it is the cool shades category as compared to red in the warm shades category, so is a blue mood cold or even cool? Does it mean you are cool to others? or that you feel cold? or that your mood is one that is cold to others? Or maybe it is just that you turn blue from holding your breath... I don't know,

What I do know is that I am down. It was a long week, stuff I needed to get done at work didn't get done, stuff I needed to get done at home is still waiting for me to get done and I don't want to get up out of my chair. I bought a movie on the DVR and watched it. Youngest man/child seems to have not done anything but rent movies with his dad this summer so he has seen virtually every movie on Movies on Demand and recommended "The Jacket". Have you seen it? Well if you have you would know why it just added to my mood. It is dark, almost black and very good. It has a bittersweet story to tell and I could definitely identify with Jack.

This morning I thought that if I got out of the house and ran some errands it might help. So I dragged youngest M/C along, and we went to get some Migas for breakfast, visited a few garage sales (a mother/son bonding mission as part of the whip M/C into shape and keep him out of trouble), and to Home Depot for school supplies (yes for those of you who know nothing about the life of a teacher, we get supplies everywhere). Somewhere in the mix I realized I didn't have my cell phone with me. When I returned home I had a voicemail message from Amused Muse stating she hoped I was out having some fun rather than doing school stuff (uh yeah I was) or taking care of M/C (uh yes I was) or cleaning house (uh yeah I should be doing that instead). So no, I wasn't exactly out "having fun" but then again it wasn't exactly torture. What I know she meant (yes, we speak the same language) was that I was doing something for "me" just "me" and no, I wasn't and I haven't since I returned from the beach and I need to... very very soon... but for now, I am cleaning house as soon as I finish the last sentence. For those of you I haven't talked to much lately, in the immortal words of one of the people I care most about in this world. I just need to find my way, give me some time and I will get there. Or at least that is a paraphrase of it. In the meantime, visit Roxxy, or AlexTrex, or RockJock, they have brighter colors every day, like Orange, and Red, and Green even. I will return, I will write, I will read, but I might not reply.

Insomnia: What exactly is that?

As I have mentioned in another post, I suffer from what I suppose is Insomnia, at different times in my life. Someone asked what I do when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep. So here are some of the scenarios of what I do.

First of all, I am a nightowl who has been forced to learn how to be an early bird. During the school year I get up at 4 am and go to bed between 8 and 9 pm. The insomnia I experience during this time is that I wake up about 1 or 2 am, mind racing, school, children, problem man/child at home, bills, money, etc... can't stop thinking. Usually I get up, go to the bathroom, turn on the box fan (if it isn't already on) for *white noise* and lay back down, concentrating on my breathing, relaxing my body, and trying to clear my head. Usually I am telling myself how I will handle each thing that is running through my head when I wake up.

Example: I don't know if I paid that bill or not, I will check my bill pay and checkbook in the morning. I can't do anything about it right now, let it go.
I will worry about man/child tomorrow, right now I need to rest or I won't be able to stay awake to make sure he is out of trouble.

Other times I take something over the counter called Phenylgesic to help me sleep, if I am having a difficult time sleeping for several days in a row and have a really big day the next day and make sure I can sleep for a full 8 hours.

If I wake up an hour before I have to get up, I just get up and get something done that needs to be done. Usually it makes me feel like I accomplished something at the beginning of the day.

If I try several things, and none of them are working, I get up and chat online with my friend in Australia. Or I do write stuff down, if something in particular is bothering me. Sometimes I make myself lay there and think that if I didn't get any sleep, I would get rest from laying down.

I have found that if I turn on the TV I won't go back to sleep, because I will pick something that I have recorded on the DVR and then it is too interesting to make me sleepy.

I try not to eat sweets, greasy food, chocolate or caffeine after 3 pm, if at all, because if I do, I don't sleep well, have freaky dreams and generally don't feel good.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. I need to live that one as much as possible.

Hope that helps. I always thought insomnia was the inability to fall asleep, but I don't have that problem, I just have trouble staying asleep.

Friday, August 12, 2005


It is Friday, right? This week has flown by. Of course, being sick didn't help. I lost that day completely. Yesterday, as I was moving all the furniture around, finding my cool desk stuff (I like interesting gadgets on my desk for kids to play with *carefully* while they are talking to me, or waiting to ask me something), I finally got to meet all my colleagues that I will be working with this year. They seem like a great bunch and I am excited about that. Sometimes you get someone who just rubs you the wrong way from the very beginning and you have to work closely with them, and that SUCKS> I don't think that is going to happen here, but we will see.
Apparently I have the classroom with all the *new stuff*. The teacher who was in my room previously was added to the mix two years ago. They had to create a classroom from scratch, so the district bought her all *new stuff*.
Funny, it has dirt, grime, crayon marks, etc. all over it and it definitely doesn't look new. I am carrying a load home each night to wash really well and clean up for my sweet darlings that I will be teaching. So hey guys, let's say *newer* stuff. The ironing board is, afterall, broken.
Today, I have to get my bulletin boards done (very time consuming), attend a luncheon with my bosses and team leaders, get all the stuff I have laminated put on the wall or in lockers, or on the floor, wherever they go. Clean my room extensively, it is a mess. Set up tables for students to use. I guess that is about it. I am hoping to be done by 5 since I think that is when they will lock up for the day. Then I have more, yes more, masters work to finish *see Alex, you aren't the only one*.

Tom0rr0w, first I am going to work out, then at home, I have plenty to do, I just don't know where I am going to start.

I had a really bad personal day yesterday. A monster raised his ugly head and I had to involve my mom, who, as we all know, is perfect and never made a mistake in her life. Funny, as I thought of how the monster wasn't what was upsetting me, what was upsetting me was the thought of hearing what my mother had to say about it and how I didn't want to hear her *speech*. It was worse than years of torture. Fortunately, when I explained to her how I knew what she was going to say, she didn't say it. She was very good about it actually. Now she will have to talk to me about it again today, so I am dreading what that one will be as well. I will just go about my business, I have plenty to think about as it is, and worry about it when it gets here.

I think my worrying keeps me up at night. I was sleeping like a baby for weeks for a while. This week I have been waking up at 3 and not being able to go back to sleep.

Diet Coke time, see you later.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

The Party is Over, or at least, My Summer is Over

I felt better this morning, even though my stomach is still making strange noises and hurts when I eat.

Spent the day in my room, cleaning out the storage closet, organizing and repacking stuff in the closet. Spent an hour laminating stuff for the walls, floors, etc.Picked up youngest man/child, took him to register for his school year, then we went to eat a meal that I wish I hadn't eaten, considering my touchy stomach (hadn't had any breakfast or lunch, I was so busy working). Then he wanted to go by the music store, and then it was a trip to get a hair cut, which turned out to be a head shaving. (It looks ok, could look better) Came home, spent 3 hours cutting out laminated sh** and am just now getting to my blog.
About the time I got all the stuff put up in my classroom, just when it was time to start putting the furniture where I wanted it, I had to leave to pick up son. So that is the first thing on the list tomorrow.

I am now aware that I will not have another day *unto myself* for quite some time. Also the surprise, *oh by the way, we need you to....* have already started. A luncheon with the *leaders of my campus is on Friday.

I see that Alex has made a couple of posts, and I wish I had time to respond the way I want. I will try to get to it tomorrow, Friday at the latest.

I will say, Alex, you have never *offended* me. I respect your choices, even if I don't agree with them. As well as all my friends. Sometimes I just disagree so much with some one it is impossible to be friends with them. I mean, you do have to have some common ground eh?

It's bad when you start planning what you want to do on Labor Day weekend as a *break* when it isn't even the middle of August.

Tomorrow night will be filling of baggies with hair gel for manipulatives to outline letters, shapes, etc. for kinder kids... if you want to help, just come on over...

And Yes, all the other teachers have more done than me, but by golly, their closets don't look as good as ok now I feel better...;)

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Being Sick Sucks

I don't know what it is but I felt like crap all day. Food didn't taste good, nothing I drank, except Powerade would stay down. I am achy, my head hurts, and I just want to sleep. I have slept most of the afternoon and evening as it is. My stomach is queezy.
Being sick does suck, but being sick with no one to take care of you sucks even more. Oldest manchild went to his friend's house after work, with no thought of his mother laying in bed at 5:30 in the afternoon. Youngest manchild is a handful when I feel good, so when I don't, he runs wild. At least he did ride his bike to the store for the Powerade. Now I am glad I let him have the bike.
So yeah, being alone is fine and dandy, until you are me, when I am sick. I know most men don't want someone taking care of them when they are sick, so this might be a difficult concept, but I like someone making sure I am going to be ok, and they don't find me days later after the cats have been eating on me.
Yes, I took some pain relievers (naproxen sodium), drank the fluids, ate some plain goldfish crackers, ate a little ice cream and I think I might feel human in the morning... we will see

I haven't been sick in a very long time. I was trying to remember the last time just a little while ago and I couldn't tell you. Of all the adventures and differences in my *routine* this summer, you would have thought the water, or something would have made me ill. But no, it is right now when I have so much shit to do that it shows up.

Thanks Murphy, you have struck again...

Good Morning Sunshine

Ahhh... now that I am back to reality... took the day yesterday to do one thing, yes, one thing... those assignments for my master's class. I probably have one more day of them, but that is tomorrow. Today I am off to my new working digs to design, set up, prepare for a great new year. Have a fantastically wonderful day Alex, RJ, Roxxy, Friendly Anons, MyzChaos, and whoever else reads this dribble. If you want to read something really deep and intriguing look at Alextrex's blog on Motivation and Inspiration, that'll keep ya busy for a

Judgemental or Opinionated? You Tell Me

Seriously, you tell me...
Someone anonymously posted yesterday on my rantings saying I was judgemental. I really try my best not to be judgemental, although, due to my upbringing, it does creep back in.
I see myself as opinionated and stubborn more than anything else close to the category of judgemental.

on a side note. Just because I don't agree with what another person does, I won't say it is wrong, I will just say I don't agree with it. I don't agree with someone posting anonymously to attack me. This anonymous poster was not Cherie or Jessie or the other friendly anons. So next time, if you feel the need, please leave a name or keep your thought to yourself. This is my blog, it is here for me, you have a choice to read or not read, use your best judgement.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Today's List

Straighten up living room
clean off desk
Wash dishes
cook roast in Crock Pot
wash laundry
Master's Class Papers
clean out car
vacuum car
wash car
prepare shopping list for tomorrow
fill baggies with hair gel for classroom manipulatives

This is a list longer than is manageable for my day and I even left some things off. The washing of the car is, now, obviously, not going to happen. Youngest manchild is loading school stuff to go to my new classroom as I type.

I love my new crock pot. I can say CROCK POT because that is the brand name, by Rival. It doesn't have the two compartment option that Alex mentioned I should get, but then again none of the ones I saw did. I figure I can buy one of the smallest one quart size later to acheive that purpose of cooking veggies or something else separately. I do see that I will have to prepare it the night before if it is as complicated as the roast was, for time sake. Anyway, the roast is in, on top of onions potatoes and carrots, and a little fresh garlic is on top of the roast. I read the directions, viewed some recipes and can't wait to eat the roast for dinner... Just 6 short hours away and it will be ready.

Now off to do the dishes...the dishwasher has run once, been emptied and is now running again. I am about to steam some citrus fruit with some cinnamon to give the house some fresh clean air, it is amazing the smells that it clears, eats, or dissipate, not just cover up. Try it sometime. (I also have to teach menchildren to not use so many dishes)

Youngest manchild is doing laundry so that is good. He also walked by the crock pot and commented how it looked like it was already done, and could we yeah, we can eat, at 6 pm. See you then, now get busy...

Now we have had gourmet chef salads prepared by moi for lunch and pork roast with potatoes, onions and carrots for dinner. Now all that is left to do is the desk, my master's work, creating the classroom manipulatives, while laundry is washing and making the list for tomorrow's shopping.

Man Bashing: A Conversation with Yoda

Yoda, I wasn't trying to manbash, and yet, some people were really offended by my post about trying to ask men questions.

awry they go the best laid plans

I was just trying to explain how difficult it was for me to try to converse, with not one, but about 5 different, in varying ways, men that I know in different situations and yet they all responded similarly.

Mars they are from, patience must you use

ok, so how do I let them know I was asking for assistance to understanding, which I think Cherie and Jessie have given.

go you must let it

ok, then I will let it go,

We're not in Kansas Anymore

Yesterday I attended a "Super Saturday" for teachers. That consists of two hour workshops for teachers to attend to work toward their *magic number* of staff development hours for the year and hopefully learn something they can use in their classrooms.

Since I am changing from a GT teacher (gifted and talented) to a Kindergarten teacher, I thought it would beneficial for me to attend the kindergarten math and science workshops.

The math workshop showed me some ideas to make independent games the kiddos could play to learn shapes and a few other things, I thought it was *overall* helpful, but nothing I couldn't have read. I prefer a make and take, where you have something to use in class when you leave.

The science workshop walked us through the first 10 science lessons. I wondered why they thought we couldn't read, or if the curriculum was new so no one else had seen it. I finally decided that it wasn't new curriculum, and I know they thought we were smart enough to read.
Then we were talking about helping the kinders figure out that a stick of clay, whether in it's stick form or in a ball form still weighed the same.

AND THEN IT HAPPENED and I had an AHA moment. They didn't know the difference between mass and density and what they have to do with the weight of an object.... DOH... and even the staff development leaders weren't sure. and NO, I didn't stand up and teach the lesson... don't cut off your nose to spite your face, is the thought that came to mind.

I am in a room of Kinder teachers, not the usual 3,4, 5 th grade teachers that teach that concept and others.

Kinder teachers are another crowd and I am going to have to be conscious of that everytime I attend a meeting like this.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Men and the ONE answer

Over the last few months, I have made an observation about men.

Whether you are having a conversation, writing them an email, or conversing in a blog... LADIES< keep it on one subject only, don't ask more than one question and keep it short and simple.

I have had interactions with numerous men in the last few months and it is my observation that they will not multitask to your liking in discussing more than one thing at a time, or answer more than one question. It will be the answer to the "give me simple direction" question, or the first or last question you asked and they will ignore the rest. Then when you ask again, *where did you say you were this week?* if there is another thought process, question or thought along with it, you aren't getting the answer.

Now, I know they are smarter than that, so what the F... is it? I don't know. Maybe on Mars they are taught to do one thing at a time so that when the time comes to do "that one thing" they can do it to our satisfaction ') I don't know.

(yes, it is late, yes, I am frustrated, yes, this means you, if you are a man)

The Question Game Courtesy of Slinky

Slinky posted a note to one of my blogs and I responded by looking at her blog. She has a blog where a friend of her asked her 5 questions and she had to answer them in her blog. If, after reading my blog of 5 questions that she asked of me and my answers, post with a note with the words Interview Me, and I will respond with 5 different questions.

So, Here We Go:

1. What was your favorite fairy tale story? What made it so special?

Baba Yaga and Vassilisa the Brave

It didn't become my favorite until I was an adult. It is a Russian Version of Cinderella. Vassilisa's mother has died, her father remarries... blah blah blah, the difference is that she has a small doll her mother gave her. She is sent to the witch's house to get a candle for light because the mother and sisters have used all their candles. The witch tells her she will give her the light but she must clean the house, she gives her a huge list, including a decadent meal to prepare and the witch leave. The small doll comes to life and helps her get the work done. The pictures, the story line, the side details, it is a wonderful story.

2. Have you traveled to any place really amazing (it can be close to home or far away). Tell what makes this place so special

I have been several places that have been amazing, but not necessarily in the ways I think others would consider amazing. I grew up near Palo Duro Canyon in the Texas Panhandle. It is the next best thing to the Grand Canyon, which I hope to see in the next 3 years.
It is a special place because of the great layers of the earth that show in the sides of the canyons, the hoodoos (the most famous one is called the Lighthouse. When I was in my late 20's I had the opportunity to show the canyon to the love of my life. We hiked and hiked and found ourselves on a cliff above the walking path of others and no way to tell how to get down and it was getting dark. It was about a 15 foot drop. Both of us were a bit apprehensive of jumping down. We hadn't taken any water so we were tired and energy-spent. He took a big breath and jumped down. Then he made sure I didn't fall the rest of the way off the cliff after I jumped. We were so proud of ourselves and relieved that we stood there and laughed and hugged and it was a great moment.

.3. You get to have dinner with one famous living person (so not a dead person), who do you pick and why?

One? Just one? oh man now I have to decide to go world peace, political or Hollywood.Ok, I am going to go with the man I have a crush on. It would be (drum roll please) Nicholas Cage. I have heard he is an odd duck, and other than his huge marriage mistake, I think he is a pretty smart guy. I want to know what he is like in real life and he is very intelligent, so it would be an interesting conversation if nothing else.

Second choice: Jamie Foxx because of his comments on what it is like to play Ray Charles.

4. What smells, tastes and sounds make you the happiest?

The smells: The salty sea air (what a surprise huh? ), Peach cobbler baking, fresh rain, clean cotton sheets, lavender, real lavender, and a man straight out of the shower. .

The tastes: Chocolate, fresh vegetables, cherries, chocolate dipped strawberries, Tchai tea, bacon, and hot chocolate.

The sounds: Music, a baby cooing, a child laughing, a man groaning in pleasure (sorry, but it is true), my sons saying they love me, my students when they finally "get it" and the waves crashing on the beach.

5. If you could only visit one country before you died, where would you go and why?
When I was a teen it would have been Greece, but now it is Italy.

I hear Italian men love women, all women, not just young ones. I want to find out for myself. Plus, ever since I watched Under the Tuscan Sun I want to move there and buy a villa. The colors, the sea, the countryside.

Now remember if you want to get 5 questions from me to post on your blog just ask me to interview you. Otherwise I am curious as to your responses to my answers.

My Personal Taste in Art

All my life my family has had games, card games, board games, word games (esp. Scrabble) etc. One of the games I had was called Masterpiece which was based on great works of Art. That was my first exposure to some of the art I saw on the cards in that box. My next great experience with art was with my own masterpiece. I was in Third grade and we were creating watercolor masterpieces. My picture, which was of a sunrise over the mountains and showing the shadows was displayed in the Principal's office for a time. Now, considering that was the year my parents moved me from one school to another, the watercolor was the highlight of the year.
When I started college I took a design class, it kicked my butt. I did a great grid work of a girl in my mom's highschool yearbook that was laying back with her face upside down and her hair flowing down toward the bottom of the page. I sent it to my highschool sweetheart who had always commented on my artistic ability, so I never say it again. I took life drawing classes and I sucked at it. Plus, the nude male model was not attractive and I didn't enjoy staring at him for hours.
When I returned to college after my second child was born, I took an Art History class. There I learned I was intrigued by almost all art I was introduced to.
The earliest Cave paintings
Cathedral Rose windows and flying buttresses
Egyptial art and esp. Queen Neffertiti (when I took jewelry making, I made a pendant of her, and I loved it for the longest time, then it disappeared)
and the rest in no particular order
Impressionists- Manet, Monet, Van Gogh,
Toulouse Lautrec
M.C. Escher
Rodin (esp. Le Baiser and La Danaide)
Georgia O'Keefe
Picasso (although some not much, others greatly)
and I am sure I have left more out than I have included.

I tend to look for local artists whose work I like to hope that perhaps one I purchase might become as famous as Van Gogh's Sunflowers...

I never did find my way in painting, I am too much of a perfectionist. I tell my students less is more all the time, and yet, when it is me, I can't leave it alone if I don't think it is perfect.

I have found my way in Weaving. I am a weaver but haven't done much in the last 15 years, due to children. I still have my loom and will start back with it when I am no longer playing MOM all the time.

I tend to buy hand thrown pottery, hand blown glass, and stained glass if I am going to buy a piece of art. I like my art to be functional. I don't like dust collectors, so I try to keep those at a minimum.

Good Morning Sunshine

Oh I love it when I wake up to nearly grown men, one is fussing that the other is taking a shower and he has an "out job" at 8:30. The other one is 20 minutes late getting in the shower because he wouldn't get out of the bed. The fussing one usually doesn't get up til after 8 so I thought nothing of the showering one getting clean at this time.

Motherhood, it's not as fun as it sounds.

ps. Out Job- oldest child has just gotten permission from work in computer repair type facility to visit customers homes to work out their technological problems without another employee there. He even gets to take his own car. He is turning out rather responsible, so that is good.

However he didn't attempt to coordinate the shower times last night before we all went to bed.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Party City Again

hee hee hee, it still cracks me up...

It sounds like more fun than it is... lol

this manchild needs to have some positives that make me laugh, so I have to relish every one I get... most of the time he has me pulling out my hair or biting my nails wondering what he will do next.

Murphy's Law Strikes Again Part II

I was out of town all summer. My 18 year old was holding down the fort. Nearly every day I called him and asked about the mail. If there were bills, he told me what they were while I pulled up bill pay on the computer and I paid them.

Oh yea, my cell phone carrier doesn't send me a paper bill or an email notice, I have to look at the site... and guess what, I forgot to do that until I got a text message from them on my phone monday. I promptly sat down, pulled up bill pay and whipped out over 200 dollars to cover the late bill and the one for this month that isn't due til the 23rd.

This morning, I try to call Amused Muse to see when she is meeting me to help with the design of my new work space. I get the operator for the cell phone company (it's late, the correct verbage is not with me, oh think talk like Yoda I will), who is in India and doesn't have full command of the english language and is hard for me to follow in my southern drawl hearing. I explain I paid the bill via internet bill pay on monday, it should post soon. She says it hasn't and I can pay a payment of 60 dollars and they will restore service. Whoa, hold your horses there missy (that is for Alex, he thinks all Texans talk that way), I do not have an addition 60 bucks to shell out just so I can rack up daytime minutes today.
No thanks I reply, I will wait until you receive payment and restore my service.
Then she has the nerve to ask me if I had good service... now you all know I don't think there is any good service left in the world.
I ranted about wanting to talk to an American, in America not to someone in India about my business in Texas because I will use slang terms she will not understand, I have to ask her to repeat herself several times because of the cadence of her speech and I don't appreciate the company doing outsource work so that they can pay them a pitance of what they would have to pay an American.... blah blah blah, and hung up.

Of course, I know instantly that the only time my mom will try to call this week is today, since I now have no phone service.
(she called me at 10:30 tonight, and yes, she had called, and she was pissed, (she has never missed a payment on anything in her entire life) and I had to hear about it, like a 10 year old.
I also knew that my 18 year old, who has the second phone on the service would be having a coniption fit and would not know how to get in contact with me all day... oh well, at least I will have a quiet day and I have a phone in my work space to use for Amused Muse and RJ.

Periodically, more out of curiousity than anything, I would pick up the phone and hit redial to see if I would get Amused Muse or the operator. Twice I tried it, once after 8 pm when childman and I were going into the bookstore, and it was the operator everytime.
When we leave the bookstore and start driving home, my phone starts ringing, it is a girlfriend, who I haven't talked to in weeks. I asked her if this was the first time she had called, and she said yes. I asked if the phone just rang normally and with a "what the hell" voice she said yes, it rang 3 times.... oh ok, I tell her the story, we chat awhile, and then I say I have to go, we are home, I need to call older sibling to see if he paid the 60 bucks.
I call my oldest son, and his first words were, You got the phone working... hmmm I guess they got the payment... and now my mother will definitely have called, since the phone was out of service for less than 12 hours and she doesn't call but about once a week.

Yeah, I am still her screwed up daughter who can never be as good as she was.... but I think I am having more fun and not as uptight...

Murphy, please leave me alone I have a hard enough time with the law of gravity...

Murphy's Law Strikes Again

While I was in Florida, my fancy digital camera, a Nikon 5mp (mega pixels Alex) Coolpix 5200 stopped working. It is a pricey camera, so I am bummed. I will need to take pictures of those gorgeous Kinder Kids I am teaching this year. I need to take pictures of my classroom for future stories I will want to regale my avid readers with, etc. And, now that I don't have a camera, I NEED it more than ever (you know that feeling, even if it isn't a camera in your personal scenario).

While I was in Amarillo, I explain to mom that I need to have the camera checked out. So, we drive to the camera shop she suggests, 30 miles away. When we get there, I realize that I don't have the camera with me, but hey, I can look at them while I am there, plus Santa is there with me, so maybe she will get the hint.
The sales person told me that it may just be the compact flash card, sometimes they go bad. Suggested I find another one, without buying one and check it out. Aha, she gave me a glimmer of hope, and glimmers don't last long.
Well you know from the previous post, the camera is dead. It wasn't the easy solution, but the hard one. Now I have to pack up the camera, mail it to Nikon, pay for an estimate and see if it is worth fixing.


Party City

My son and I were out running errands after the Dr. appt. and we were at a local shopping center (I would say strip center, but Alex would make some lewd remark) and there is a party supply store called Party City. My son says

"It's not as much fun as it sounds."

I laughed and laughed, then at dinner, I mentioned how funny and clever I thought it was, and he says "I don't think they will be using that line as their advertising slogan".

Yeah sometimes we have fun together.

I am still laughing, maybe I have a bent sense of humor, or it's a location joke (as in you had to be THERE).

Thursday's List

Take son to Band Practice done
Take load of school stuff to new room done
Unload and put aways school stuff done
Take "Before" pictures of room done
Plan design of room started it, but I am not done
Eat Lunch Took RJ to lunch for fixing my bike
Pick up bicycle done
Visit with Amused Muse did, but not for long :(
Buy lawnmower didn't have room in the car along with the bike
Pick son up from Band Practice done
Dr. appt. done
make dinner (actually will probably be DerWienerschnitzel, sorry Alex, I can't eat healthy ever single meal while raising teenagers) done, only had Greek Gyros instead

oh and I am sure there is more, but now I am off to get started on the list... we will see this evening if I had any luck getting it all done.
Had my camera checked out, it is dead :(
Browsed the Bookstore picked up some children books
Browsed Lakeshore Learning store and got some goodies for my kiddos and room
All in all it was a productive day...

Mark another one off my calendar

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Bitchy Mood = Bitchy Post

When I was young and dating as a single teenager and even into my twenties, I think I had a list of what I was looking for in a man for a LTR. Then as a single woman in my late twenties, I was pretty much just interested in a man who would treat me decently. Now in my early 40's I have learned a thing or two.

1. When someone asked me out, I didn't think

hmmm.... how much money does he make?
hmmm.... is he taller than me?
hmmm.... what kind of car does he drive?
hmmm.... does he have kids? (at my age everyone has them, or they aren't going to, at least not with me)

I DID think: well he asked me out, so I should go and be polite, you never know what might happen.

After a truckload of dates I found the men I had spent way too much time with had at least one of the following:

low self-esteem
power issues
sanity issues (yes, seriously, was even in the hospital for it)
passive tendencies that drive me nuts

I guess those pretty much sum it up...

So after hearing that Alextrex doesn't date women who:

are not legally divorced no matter how separated they are (which I think is great)
are in debt ( I don't know one person that doesn't have a house payment or a car payment, and some credit card debt of some kind, large or small)
have children (at his age this is reasonable, although I don't know why it bothers me, I suppose because I was a single mom in my late 20's early 30's)
are not bilingual and/or multicultural. (He gave good reasons, but I still think a woman could learn another language and become more multicultural, so I am not buying that bill of goods.)

anyway, I thought I might should rethink my list, because if I was going to have a list as extensive as his, it could explain why I live the life of a leper.

Perhaps, I have that kind of list subconsciously, and I am not even aware of it, so it could be part of my drama/baggage/issues.

so let's see...

I like a man who can lead, we have established that, and believe me, he is hard enough to find... and remember fellows, leading doesn't not always entail doing things your way, but letting the woman have her way.

I like a man who has healthy self-esteem but isn't too full of himself that he can't see past himself to see me standing in front of him.

I like a man who enjoys his vocation, and yet will take the leap to another one if given the opportunity, so maybe I should have said,

I like a man who is willing to take chances and is open minded

I like a man who is non-judgemental

I would prefer a man who doesn't have children living at home (been there, done that, want to forget it)

I want a man with a healthy sex drive but who understands I am not going to sleep with him on the first, second or even third date. After that, I hope he can keep up with me.

I want a best friend, who loves me for who I am and who I love for who he is.

hmmmm, maybe that is why I am a leper right now.

and yeah, if I ever do find him I think I will know him at first glance, but as they said in HITCH,

I hope the love of my life is not waking up with someone else every day, but if he is, I hope he is happy.

It is easier to have the list of some of my single and somewhat snobby acquaintances , who have mentioned to me, that their list includes how tall he should be and that he have hair and that he make x amount of dollar, and have a good, recognizable name in the city.

I dated Mr. Mercedes, who is an architect and did most of the work on the riverwalk in downtown SA. I met his friends and mingled with his crowd without any problems but when it came right down to it, the money, his stature, his hair, and his good name didn't sell the bill of goods to me. Neither did the things that I couldn't deal with, which for his protection, I won't mention here.

I won't settle, even if I end up alone, it is better than being with the wrong person for the wrong reasons.

Rambling thoughts on several topics

Someone I once considered more than a friend returned my call yesterday. My original call was to ask about where a bicycle shop that would carry a recumbent bike would be. Of course he called back late yesterday afternoon, when I was already home. His job is very intense and he is "run ragged" daily.
It was good to hear his voice, I always like talking to him. He makes me think, and I like that. The things he made me think about yesterday is that men deal with the ending of a relationship much differently than women. He is obviously very much not his regular self, but I can't tell where he is, because he has retreated back into his cave. He has been there for over 8 months now. Most of the time, when I have heard his voice, there was still a glimmer of light, until this time. He is obviously having a tough time, and yet he won't talk about it. I didn't know how to try to talk to him. He didn't want to talk about it particularly either. When I asked how he was doing, he told me "what" he had been doing. When I pointed that out to him, he regaled me with a story of his sister telling him the same thing... still, he didn't answer the question. Finally, he said he didn't know how he was doing, but I know he isn't doing well. You guys who read this, any insight to your Mars behavior in this situation would help. He is a strong person, i know he will get through it just fine, but I want to actually BE a friend, and I don't know what to do to accomplish that without doing it in a woman's way.
When I went through my breakup, I wanted my friends around, I wanted to talk to them and they were great to listen about how I was feeling. Obviously, that isn't going to be beneficial in this situation.

I like what MyzChaos said in her blog (I don't know how to do links, sorry) about how much to tell or not, whether it is ammunition or a trust issue. My marriage was to my best friend. I told him things I had never told anyone, not even my mother, who I am very close to. I thought my secrets were safe with him for a long time. He never told anyone that I know of, but now I am not so sure he kept it to himself.
He definitely let it affect him and he didn't talk to me about it, but it hindered our relationship and I never knew it until it was much much too late to save the relationship.
Amused Muse is still very good friends with her exhusband, so the conversation about why I am not has come up more than once.

First of all, I was willing to do anything to save that relationship and marriage, he was not. He was emotionally absent and chose to stay that way.

Second, our friendship was the best, and the basis for the relationship, and I am not willing to let him have the best part when he wasn't willing to even try to save the rest.

Third, my feelings are obviously still very raw, and I am somewhat, for lack of a better word, bitter, so I don't think that is going to go away anytime soon. I have tried to let it all go, but deep down, when you have invested almost all of yourself, and I say almost, due to the few things you do not ever share about yourself with someone else, for whatever reason, sometimes it doesn't all go away for a very long time.

Does it stop me from thinking I am ready for another relationship? NO. Does that mean I am looking for another relationship? NO
Does that mean I don't want one? NO

so there's the mystery. or the old shoes, or the conundrum. I agree with MyzChaos, that place they make you go, that you don't want to be, and yet you can't leave is miserable. You have to force yourself to do something else.

MyzChaos worries she needs to grow up because all her friends are. Not so... but realize that when they have children, your commonalities will go "poof" to a great extent. Don't settle.

Amused Muse and I have an acquaintance that got married this month. She didn't tell anyone until it was done. She sent several people links to the photos, who were taken by a professional photographer.
Amused Muse said it wasn't a spur of the moment decision since they had a photographer.

What? Look at those pictures, she had two friends there, no family. His daughter and a friend were there, no other family. It was done at the Vineyard, not a church. There were no flowers other than her bouquet.

Oh, so then Amused Muse asked why her mother wasn't there. Well she does live out of town and is in poor health, but then she does have local family and sisters that could have been there...
Her smile in all the photos looked very fake. She is a beautiful woman but she does put on a facade that never ceases to amaze me. She is the social butterfly trying to climb the social ladder, which is why she is the acquaintance and not a friend.
You never know which facade you will see.

Anyway, Amused Muse says, very prophetically, "She settled". Yes, I agree, she didn't want to be alone, so she married a man that doesn't fit most of the descriptions she had previously discussed openly of what she liked in men. But hey, now she doesn't have to be alone, or do her own taxes, or worry about how much money she spends each week....

yes that is how shallow that pond is.

Last Christmas I had a guy I was seeing that bragged on our first date that he had not 1, but 4 mercedes. Hence his nickname became Mr. Mercedes right away. He flaunted what he had, felt the need for me to know. He finally asked why I never really respond to those comments. I told him it wasn't what he had or the promises of courtside seats to Spurs games (which I never did get to see), but what he was like on the inside. Needless to say, it was fun while there was mystery and intrigue. Now, there isn't any intrigue and he had major issues and still does.

It is the thrill of the chase isn't it? Isn't that why we do things like courting, geocaching, or go through life seeking that great vocation.

I don't know, but I feel better just getting it out. Now back to real life...

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Today's Conundrum

It is a personal goal of mine to rehab my left knee, strengthen my right knee, lose a little weight, gain some muscle tone, and increase my cardio. In my research I have found that water exercises are best for the conditions of my knees. The gym I belong to has a pool and in the mornings from 5 til I have to leave for work, it is open swim. Every evening they have a White Water class at 6:30 and on Saturdays at 9 am. It isn't an issue of whether I can attend the class. What is an issue is my child that I cannot leave at home. He isn't a small child, but a large one, who would not listen to a babysitter. I could take him with me, if I add him to the membership, and he could lift weights, but I don't think he would. He cannot be left alone. He wants to take guitar lessons, but it would only be one day a week and not for enough time to cover the time the WW class takes. I am already leaving the house each morning at 4:30 to work out, get dressed for work and then going to work.

There has to be a solution, but I don't know what it is yet... and no, I can't put him in the pet carrier, CPS would haul me away for that, but it was another one of my thoughts.

Today's list

Answer Alex's email
Answer Alex's posts
Post to Alex's blog

oh wait, those were the afterthoughts for yesterday's list... hee hee hee... no wonder they didn't get

Welcome to MY WORLD

Today I thought I would check out the locations of the health club I am a member of, since I have a new job in a different part of town.

So, I drove to San Antonio, stopped at the one closest to my house, found out which ones have pools (just took 3 employees and 20 minutes to answer that question).

Then I drove across San Antonio to the one closest (it isn't close) to my new job... oh yeah, they don't have a pool. I get there, ask for a woman who can show me around, so she can go into the dressing room with me. After 10 minutes waiting at the counter, there still isn't a person materializing, who was supposedly going to be right there, so the 14 year old at the counter (he looked 14 and acted 14, so he was 14), paged someone, a male, over the PA system. Someone yelled across the club that he was busy. So the childman said he would show me around. He walks out from behind the counter, and I start following him around the corner. As I get around the corner there is a set of stairs. I ask if the dressing room is upstairs. He says yes, as if it was an incredulous question. I told him that would defeat my purpose of rehabing my knee. I don't do stairs right now, so to forget it. I left very disappointed in how my day has gotten started.

Now I am all the way across town, near my new place of employment and I couldn't decide whether to go by and meet some people, including my new administrator. I decide to go by the teacher supply shop and pick up my favorite calendar for the new year. I stop and wait 10 minutes until they are "officially" open. I go in, and there are 4 employees at the front counter. One is on the phone, one is waiting on a customer, one is looking around, then looks straight at me and walks away from the counter and one in walking toward the counter but is talking to someone at the laminating machine. The guy who walked away is now walking back, I say to him, looking at him and with eye contact on his part "excuse me, could you..." and he walks away... says something to the person at the laminating machine, turns back around and I start to say the same thing again. By this time I am getting very P>O>ed at the fact you don't get good service anywhere anymore and that young people don't have a clue what SERVICE means. Then the guy yawns while looking at me, without covering his mouth, so I take advantage "HEY, could you tell me where the calendars are?". He looks confused and asks what is the title of it, and if it is the one they give away free... I explained that if I wanted the free one I would purchase something else to get the free one, and that it is the one that goes for the school year, not the calendar year. He turns walks away and mumbles... I say "EXCUSE ME?" and he says to follow him and he will show me where the calendars are... well, how about that, there it is, plain as day, so I pick it up and head back to the counter. As he rang up the sale he asks if I found everything alright... DOH...

Later in the day I went to Dillards to get a new swimsuit. I hate Dillards. I only go there if I abso effing lutely have to go there. The last time I needed a sports swimsuit that was where I found one. It is also the worst place for service, at least in my experience. I picked out several, started toward the dressing room and there she was.. the salesgirl, yes, girl, she had to be about 16 years old. She showed me into the dressing room, told me to ring the bell if I needed something, which I did after the 2nd suit, she brought the right size and reminded me to let her know if there was anything else I needed help with. I found one that fit, and after I paid for it, I expressed to her what a pleasant experience it was and that I appreciated her actually doing her job. She looked at me as if I were a leper...

Oh well... maybe we won't end up in the second dark ages during my lifetime, but for the most part, I think most of the young, and I mean "very young" workforce (no offense Roxxy) don't have the same definition of service with a smile that I have or most people of my generation.