Passion and Perfectionism

The other day I was talking to a very intriguing man and a strange thing happened. I had been expressing my surprise that he was single and not dating anyone at the moment, given his positive attributes.

He explained that it was because he is a passionate person. When he dates someone, it is "all about them", but the women he has dated did not reciprocate in kind. He elaborated further only to drive home my initial thoughts.

I could certainly relate to his view. I don't think he meant he was clingy, or that he had to have them with him 24/7. I took it as if he was really into them and their lives but they weren't as into him or what was going on in his life.

I have pondered the conversation content for a week now. It is odd to me how we are all so much alike and how we think we are all so different. I consider myself a very passionate person. I am passionate about my work, my friends, my lovers (if/when I have one), my family, my background, my hometown.... etc...

I am also a recovering perfectionist. I say recovering because I realize there aren't enough hours in the day to do things the way I really want them done and I don't have enough money to be able to afford to pay someone else to do it right. Which, we all know, they wouldn't do it to suit me anyway.

I asked a parent to help me with a simple task of taping down a note in each of the homework folders of my students. I had to purposefully not watch her do it, because there were folds in the tape and it wasn't done "perfectly". I have to let some things go and not be "just so". It isn't easy...

So... in the realm of my conversation with the luscious man, who will never be mine, and the thoughts of passion and perfectionism...

I have decided that although I don't like being alone so much, I would rather wait for the man who shares a passion for life, is as "into" me as I am him, and for that, perhaps it is best I don't look, but simply let it happen, if it is meant to be.

A side note: Starting the first week of school is very hard for me to do without any support at home. When I started teaching I was married, and the home support and thoughtful flowers and cards from him and my mother were so comforting and made me feel like there was a "team" of support behind me. If there is something I really miss each year, it is that feeling. I come home in tears nearly everyday, with no energy left for anything else. Teaching may not pay in monetary means, and it may be the hardest work on the planet, but I am very passionate about it and want to give it my all... and at the end of the day I am empty with no one to fill me up again...

Sometimes passion and perfectionism aren't what they are cracked up to be.