Over the last few months, I have made an observation about men.
Whether you are having a conversation, writing them an email, or conversing in a blog... LADIES< keep it on one subject only, don't ask more than one question and keep it short and simple.
I have had interactions with numerous men in the last few months and it is my observation that they will not multitask to your liking in discussing more than one thing at a time, or answer more than one question. It will be the answer to the "give me simple direction" question, or the first or last question you asked and they will ignore the rest. Then when you ask again, *where did you say you were this week?* if there is another thought process, question or thought along with it, you aren't getting the answer.
Now, I know they are smarter than that, so what the F... is it? I don't know. Maybe on Mars they are taught to do one thing at a time so that when the time comes to do "that one thing" they can do it to our satisfaction ') I don't know.
(yes, it is late, yes, I am frustrated, yes, this means you, if you are a man)
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I have the same problem with one of my best friends, who is male and is extremely smart. I finally confronted him with it and he said just because we are friends did not mean he felt compelled to tell me everything about his life. So if there were questions he did not want to answer, he just didn't see the relevance of it to our friendship.
For example, if I say, "Do you want to have lunch on Thursday?" He'll tell me more precisely, "I can't" or "Sure".
But if he says he can't and he doesn't want to say why, then he just doesn't.
I read your post on the Mars-Venus why don't they say more thing and this is probably just another one of the M-V quirks.
If I ask, how was your weekend, he'll say fine. or ok. It's never Great of fantastic. even if he had a good time.
Maybe men just don't see life in superlatives.
My advice is that if you asked the question once and it wasn't answered, just let it go.
Men don't seem as comfortable being forthright about where their boundaries are when it comes to friendship I think
Jessie
It could also be that they think you should already know, so why ask again. I went out with a guy who didn't know that I have a poor verbal memory. If it is written down and I read it, I remember. When I am told something, I don't retain it as well. He would tell me something and I'd end up asking three of four times for the same information. After we broke up over something else, he told me that he felt as if I had been testing him, trying to catch him in an inconsistency and he could not understand why I would do that.
So just something to keep in mind if your OtherHalf is avoiding questions
Jessie
hahahaha :-) great post. what was the question? Honey did you take the trash out? Or Where is this relationship going?
Those two always got the glazed I do not understand what you are syaing robotic look....
Cherie
Jessie,
Maybe you could ask "what" he did this weekend, and you would get a better answer.
Yes, I will consider your advice, it is good advice.
Cherie,
One was "what are you planning this weekend?" that I asked a friend.
Jessie,
There isn't a better half at the moment, but thanks for the posts.
that's the real mars venus difference. I plan everything to the detail. My boyfriend and my male friends don't. This weekend for example, my boyfriend left it up to me to decide what to do. And my friend who is male - I invited him to hang out with us this weekend, and he said ok. So if you had asked him what he was up to this weekend, he'd probably have said nothing, or I don't know.
I would not be too hard on men. It's just a communication difference, not necessarily wanting to keep things private. Also I find that some people, men or women are more flexible and go with the flow. So it doesn't matter to them what happens or what they think they are doing.
I think a better question would be to ask "Have you got anything planned for the weekend." That way if he says yes, you can decide whether to ask for more details. And if he says no, then you know that's all the information you're going to get.
When I talk to my mom, I tell her I'm doing laungry or going to the bank etc. My boyfriend just says, "Nothing." even if he's going to mow the lawn or go to Home Depot.
Guys are just like that. It's no point being over sensitive.
Of course, it would be nice to actually get a real response other than "huh?" when I ask, "honey would you take the trash out..."
But I've learned not to interrupt TV watching with life changing decision questions...
cherie
Great blog by the way, very personal
I appreciate you all visiting and commenting. I think I should clarify a bit. I wrote an email to a friend with several comments, a few questions, and a response to the questions or comments they had asked/said to me in an email. In his response, I didn't get any answers to my questions, but a comment to my last comment in my email.
I talked to a male friend on the phone, which I have already written about, and he comment on how his sister wrote him an email asked him several questions about his emotional/physical status and then asked about an electronic device at her house that she knew was once his and should she discard it.
He responded to the question about the electronic device.
My best friend has a SO and she is always regaling me with stories similar.
That is where the post is from.
I like men, I love them in fact, this is just a post showing how frustrated I got over time and needed to get it out.
Thank you all for visiting, I hope you will return, I like to see others perspectives on my thinking (as I know it is skewed). And RJ, I am not sure about your NON POST< but hey, that is ok.
It's clear that with your friend's emotional email question that he simply didn't want to deal with those matters then. It's easier for men to deal with tangible things than with emotions. But for some women that is true too. As for emails, I now have a rule of thumb not to expect too much. Just because I have the time to sit down and write emails or answer emails, doesn't mean other people do as well. My boyfriend used to put off answering letters and emails if he didn't have the time because he wanted to give the person a fuller response. But he later discovered that a friend he had been meaning to contact had passed away, since then, he will respond to every letter or email even if it is a one line sentence. Knowing this about him makes it easier for me to understand and then to approach him later with a question I want answered. Sometimes I find that he just didn't think it was so important and that there were other things he thought more important to answer or deal with.
You can always bring this up with your friends and clarify what you want or expect. But you may not like what you hear from them. If they are responsive, that would be great. But if they think you are being an over sensitive shrew, they will either they tell you to Butt out of their personal affairs or they simply say ok and just shut up even more.
The deeper the friendship the less likely this is going to happen. But if they are going through a stressful period in their lives, they may not appreciate any intrusions. I lost a very good FEMALE friend this way when I kept badgering her to talk to me about her feelings about a personal matter.
Hope this helps.
Cherie
I gotta ask...Rock Jock? hmmm interesing identity...
Cherie,
Rock Jock is a geologist... hence the name. He has some great posts on his blog about his vocational adventures, give it a look if you like.
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