Once Upon a Time

There was a woman named Bennu, grown with nearly grown children. The children decided to venture out on their own and left their mother to find herself and a new life.
Bennu found a comfy place to live that fit her inner being and her pocket book. She moved twice as much stuff as would fit in her comfy new home. Now, often she didn't like to unpack the boxes, due the fact she didn't know where to put all her treasures in a cozy place that was less than half as big as the one she moved out of. So, she sat, day after day, evening after evening, with boxes, and stuff all around her. She would clean out a few boxes here and there. The kitchen cabinets were brimming with dishes, glasses, cups and groceries. The dining tables, one for breakfast and one for dinner were covered with items she just stared at and wondered where to put. Each day, she tried to trudge up the stairs with items that should be upstairs and each morning she came downstairs to find all her shoes in the floor around the computer desk. You see, the desk is where she stops when she gets home and unwinds. So her jewelry, shoes and mail all end up on the desk. The tv is often on and either she is watching something she has taped, has it on for company or is asleep on the couch while the droning television drowns out all the small noises that startle her awake.
She has a blog, she writes to get things out of her head and down where she can read them and not feel so stressed and uptight. Others help her know she isn't crazy, just human and a bit more honest than she should be at times.
Her new home is somewhat lonely at times, her friends rarely come over and she wishes they would. She also knows that her new digs do not compare to those of her friends, and at her age, she feels she has little to show for the turmoil and hard work of her life thus far. Then she realizes her material things don't make her or break her, they just show the paths she has been down and some of them do serve as comfort to her.
She has a magic wand that has a hidden Elvis in it. The point is to turn it up and down until you find Elvis, his pink cadillac and a few other choice items. It is a de-stressor, and she loves it. She has a paperweight made of cut glass in the form of a triangular prism. Inside is sand from the Texas Gulf Coast and small sea shells. She turns it this way and that, dreaming of where she wishes she were on a daily basis, and uses it to remind her of what is truly soothing to her, the beach, the sea air, and the incredible treasures to be found in the sea.
Her bed is upstairs, so the night air feels good coming through the windows. She can look out and see the swimming pool from her bed. The moon rises and when it is full it shines through her window like a beacon. She feels at peace even though she isn't in the best part of town.
Each week, a few more boxes disappear, a table is uncovered and things move to new hidey holes, only to be retrieved when needed.
Slowly her friends start to come share her new home. They sit and visit and allow her to create meals for them. They sit out in front, in her patio chairs, drinking lively libations and regaling each other with wild tales that create laughter and camaraderie. She is happy. She doesn't feel fulfilled, she knows something she truly wants in her life is missing, but she is happy.
Her work as a teacher keeps her busy, and she loves every minute of it. There are days, or weeks, that her work is covering her coffee table, the couch and part of the floor. She has so much preparation to concern herself with, and she likes giving it her all. When she is distracted and cannot do her best, she feels as if she has let her students down.
Some nights when her friends are busy or she has an important day or week coming up, she stays late to work on school stuff. Sometimes RJ, a friend, comes and helps and keeps her company. It means so much to her when her friends care about her work and her enough to help her and take an interest in what she is doing.
Still, she wishes there was one very special person in her life. Someone to be there when she lays down at night, so she can reach over with her feet and touch his feet. Just enough to let him know she is there and to warm her feet if they are cold. Someone to wake up next to and watch as he sleeps peacefully. Someone to talk to about what she expects her day to be like and to listen to what his day might hold for him. Someone to bring her the first diet coke of the morning, so she can have her caffeine fix and appreciate his little gestures. Someone to share the evening meal with, because eating alone, whether at home, work, or in a restaurant, just doesn't appeal to her at all and sometimes she chooses not to eat because of it.
There are men who come and look like they may be prospects for what she is seeking, but they fall to the wayside here and there. Some right away, and some linger and then take a nose dive. Some come and stay and look like they are going to make it to a mile marker she hasn't been to yet since being on her own, but then things just peter out and they disappear. Each time, a little bit of her dies along with her hopes of what she wants to have in her life that is missing.
She knows the new place is temporary, she picked it as a temporary solution to problem she hopes will resolve itself in a year or so. Still, she likes to think that it might not be temporary. It is a comfy place, she does like many aspects of her predicament. She even decides that she likes being alone, but she doesn't like feeling lonely.
Then her best friend introduced her to a man that lives across the street from her. Now, her best friend, Amused Muse, lives in a very nice neighborhood, with large houses, large trees and all are on large lots. Amused Muse would love Bennu to live closer. Bennu loves Amused Muse's home and the area, and when she visits she rarely wants to return home, but she does. So the idea of the Man ATS is very inviting.
Bennu finds he and she have much in common, such as a knowledge of Native American jewely, the way of Navajo, the part of the world they both grew up in and the crafts and products of the same area. They think a great deal alike and have fun making jokes. Plus, when he kisses her, her stomach drops, just like when she was 14 and the cutest boy around kissed her.

Unfortunately, his life was cluttered with excess baggage that kept tearing things aprart. He kept claiming how he couldn't keep all the women in his life happy at once, but the way Bennu saw it, he wasn't trying to keep her happy, he was just trying to keep himself happy, because he liked being with her. There were so many things he would tell her that just didn't add up. When she asked, he hemmed and hawed but he always had an answer.

Bennu is a pretty sharp cookie, sometimes she just prefers not to see the obvious, so for awhile she wanted to believe ATS and trust the entire situation. But then, it got to be too much for her. She had gotten comfortable with him being around so much and then he was gone. The ex, well, she manipulated the situation to where Bennu sat at home all one day waiting for ATS to come over and enjoy a roast and vegetables and his favorite cake. He didn't show up until after she had gone to bed.

Bennu doesn't like turmoil, she likes excitement, adventure, peace and harmony, but not turmoil. She asked ATS not to call until his baggage was diminished, and the ex was out of the picture completely.

You see, Bennu knows men she could have affairs with, she has had married men in her life before, not that she is proud of it, or prefers it, she doesn't. She just knows that she does not ever want to feel like she is the other woman ever again. The "he who shall not be named" did her in on that, and never again will she be a party to that feeling.

So, the happy ending isn't here. Bennu now feels alone and lonely in her digs, they are sad to come home to and she wants to be anywhere but here... she needs to find her way back to being content in her little abode and hope that when ATS can be around without interruption, he will.

She misses him greatly already...