One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

If you have been reading long
you know that my co-workers
for the two previous years
were challenging
when it came to "getting along"
and this was suppose to be a
"fresh start year"
with Boo and I and three new ones added
to the mix
well apparently
from the little talking to
I received yesterday
the three new ones are fine when with us
but are going to the supervisors
with complaints about me
and even though
I have read a Dale Carnegie Book
and 7 Habits book
and have been "trying" to
win friends
it ain't happening, according to the powers that be...

hmmmm
well I was contemplating a move
next year, after actually
contemplating it this year
it would have come to fruition in June
if I hadn't thought I had something
to hang around for
that was just working out of town
for the summer
and my son hadn't stayed longer
than expected
but alas
here I am
truly contemplating a move
not just in the Alamo City
Not just in the Lone Star State
but anywhere
anywhere there is a title 1 school
that needs a a kinder teacher
who is a damn good teacher
who has a high IQ and can work
just fine on her own
or with others who aren't back stabbers
or mealy mouthers

If they only knew what I have heard
or seen, the shoe might be on the other foot
but one of the things the book says
is not to gossip

so here I am
looking at the coast
the Gulf Coast, the East Coast
the hill country, but close to the Eastern
part of the Alamo City

My mother would love for me
to return to the Panhandle
but I know I cannot survive there
due to the weather
lack of trees and water
but perhaps somewhere in between

yes, I had recently thought
of two more years here
then building a house
and if the year turns out well
I may still consider that one
but not at this time

All I can do at this point
is continue to work
on my heart, body
and apparently my personality

I guess we are all suppose to be lemmings
and not the individuals we are
in the new world

what was really funny was
that she suggested I go to counseling
and my counselor
who I have seen off and on for 5 years
due to my son situation mostly
but with work too
wouldn't agree with her at all
because we have discussed it

guess I will stay in my room
and enjoy my kids
who are great
it is going to be a great year
with the kids
and the rest
well
it will come out in the wash

but yeah
I wake up at 3 am
thinking more than I should
I am teary

it's like being told
you are the bad penny
and you won't ever be any better

so boys and girls
it isn't ok to be different
or yourself
because we all need to play nice
and get along

which is what I was trying to do...
but it's like trying to play basketball
when you are really a football player

you are like a bull in a china shop

so it has been a hard week.

and as happy as I am
that the muse
has someone to cook for
cook with
sleep with
hold her and say sweet things to her
it is really hard to hear her talk about it
because right now
I need someone here
and they aren't
and I have to realize
they may never be
and I have to learn
to do it for myself

It is a big order
and a hard one
so Ia m going to work on it now

I may not be around much for awhile
it was hard enough to sit down today
and write.

Have a great day...