Very Much in the RED

The low down dirty truth, to be professed here and now. I have joked, hinted, and flat out shocked some of you here and in person about it, but now is the time to spill all the beans.

I am In The Red, so deep, I can't see the sky. My youngest son went to live with his dad, which meant I had to give up my child support, which was nearly as much as I make teaching. Several things had to change.

1. I had to move to save some money and gas. I was traveling too far each day to school, and renting a place I couldn't afford without the children there.

As a result, my rent didn't lower much, but some, but the gasoline bill was cut significantly. I now spend 1/4 th of what I was paying monthly.

My utilities are much less due to the fact I don't pay water, but I do pay electricity and gas.

I do not have central heat and air, but window units, which I detest and use more electricity than I want to pay. The heat was suppose to be gas, and the heaters are permanent fixtures, but they are turned off due to lack of proper parts to fix them. Needless to say, I am disappointed.

2. I have taken on more opportunities to make extra money at school, but it comes back to me in the end of May check and end of July check, which does me no good in the mean time. I will teach summer school, if hired for it, and if not, I will find another kind of work for the summer.

3. I have no washer and dryer hookups, so I must go elsewhere to do my laundry. It isn't too bad, until I don't go for two weeks, and the fact that the clothes don't feel as fresh as if done at home.

4. I am broke 2 days after payday, when all the bills are almost paid and just thankful that by next February I will be in a better place when a home I do own, (in a town I will never live in) will be paid for and I can make it through each month without being in the red. Perhaps I can find a way to get back in black by then or soon after.

Why say it all here? I am stressing out over it, worried about whether I will eat or be able to buy gas to get to work and know that by the end of this month I will not have internet access at home, or TV cable. I will have internet access at school, but there will be no blogging or yahoo email, or instant messaging or online dating.

It may make it easier to lose weight and go more natural (no hair appts., can't afford my makeup, no expensive hair products that I think I am addicted to), and an opportunity to appreciate the simpler things in life and I may get more reading done.

At least the month of June I will be teaching each day, so no Air conditioning running at home but I will be cool in my classroom.

RJ and Muse won't let me starve, I know that, but at the same time, I don't want to have to rely on them.

We all go through tough times and this is one for me. As all others, this too shall pass, but the reality of it is driving me crazy, so if I act strange that is why, and if I am quiet for awhile, that is why as well.