ATS

Yes, Walker, we can call the new man I met, that lives Across The Street from the muse, ATS for short. He is an enigma. I could give a life history, or one that I have come to know in a very short amount of time, but that would take time and could be considered invasive I think, even though we are all friends here, but here are the things that impress me most about him.

He speaks several languages, 5 Native American languages, French, Italian, Japanese, Portuguese, Spanish and English, that I know of... and there are more...

Where are you Alex Trex, did you hear that? lol

He is very intelligent and yet he doesn't flaunt it, he hides it rather well until it suits him or his cause.

He has a very dry humor and is surprised at how many of his jokes I do catch. I like it when I can make him laugh.

We have many interests in common, like I know how to weave and have a loom. He knows how to build looms and has made some. I know the difference between Hopi and Zuni jewelry and he grew up on the reservation, even though he is, in his words "a white boy", so the fact I know something about it, impresses him, which is a good feeling for me.

It is almost so good I keep pinching myself to see if it is true. There is chemistry, but I am scared of it, and like others whose blogs I read, I don't know why. So, when/if I have acted with bravado and said that I wouldn't push that away with a stick, here I am, eating humble pie.... sometimes, as good as you know you are, it is hard to hear that someone else thinks so.

I am scared to risk my heart, and I never thought I would be, but I am. I was taught that if something looks too good to be true, it probably is, and this man and his intentions, as good and honorable as they are, look too good to be true, and I don't want to hurt again, when it crumbles.

I can hear all your pep talks already, and I know it is ridiculously too soon, to tell what is going to come of it, and to be having these thoughts... irrational, irrational, irrational is what keeps going through my mind. It is weird, I resisted meeting him for months, yes the muse has been trying for months to get me to meet him. I have a plan, a goal, a pennance for myself and my life that should have lasted a year or so in this new place, with a new lifestyle taking shape. Yes, I wanted someone to date, and have been trying, and now, this man has come into my life and I want to dig a hole and put my head in it... why? I am scared? scared of? getting hurt is the best answer I can come up with. I am intimidated for one... and he seems to genuinely like me, but it is too soon.

Yeah that is the thought process... and it plays over and over.