What are Friends For?

I have lost a friend
one I was hoping to hold onto
and for reasons
I don't fully comprehend

oh I know
what made her mad
but I honestly didn't think
it was worth the cost
of the entire friendship

and she,
well,
she didn't ask me
she took what others told her
and made assumptions

Then she attacked

of course I am not without blame
I did something to hurt her feelings
but not as
cruelly and intentionally
as she assumed

what is funny
is that I don't want to hurt her
and I thought I would be really upset
with the loss
of a friendship that has spanned
over 3 years

we talked everyday
we shared intimate details
of our lives
I thought we had each other's back
and I have since found
she did not have mine

not to worry
I am not angry
I am simply

disappointed

and we talked multiple times a day
and it has now been over a week
during the holidays
which are sometimes hard for her
and for me as well
and I have been
perfectly ok
with not talking to her
or anyone for that matter

the thoughts of
...oh I should call her and tell her "blah blah blah"
no matter what it is
didn't even subside
because I haven't even had those thoughts
which is really
really sad

so ... I have been asking myself
what was our friendship for
if it was to end so abruptly
and for something I see as minor
and forgivable
on both our parts
if I do not miss it

I think I do not miss the drama
although I drew it out of her
each time we talked

I do not miss the snide asides
she seemingly was unaware
she stabbed me with often

I do not miss
walking on eggshells
for many reasons

and I do not miss
trying to be the
"everything friend"

although I know
I create those roles for myself
and am drawn to them
like a moth to flame

so .... are friends in your life
for different reasons
and as some state
"seasons"?

I talked to someone
yesterday
who says he has all the friends
he has ever had
unless they died
even though they may not talk
or stay in touch
he still considers them all friends

so I told him the long
sordid details
as I recall them
and he says

well then,
either you speak to her
or she speaks to you
or you choose not to

If I did speak to her
here is what I would say

I am sorry you were hurt
it was not my intention
nor do I think the cost of our friendship
appropriate for the deed
you so mistakenly understood
I committed
I wish you well
I will bother you not

If you choose to contact me
I am not angry
I am simply
disappointed