Slept Late

When I was a teenager
it wasn't unusual
as I am sure it isn't for most
for me to sleep
til way past noon

When I was working
in restaurants
and partying after work
til 3 or 4 am
it wasn't unusual
for me to sleep
til I had to get up
for the next evenings
shift at about 3 or 4 PM

When I was first married
and didn't work
because we had moved
to a place where there
were no jobs for me
it wasn't unusual
for me to sleep
til 11 am or noon

When I was pregnant
for the first time
It wasn't unusual
for me to take a nap
in the afternoon

When my first baby was born
I didn't sleep well
for over a year
he never slept
through the night

When I was pregnant
with my second child
It wasn't unusual
for us (first son and I)
to take a nap
for a good part of the afternoon.

When I had two children
in the house
it wasn't unusual
that I got up early
and stayed up late
most of the time
and

it has just become
part of my life
that my alarm
goes off at 5
and I get up

so sleeping late
and getting more than 9 hours
yes, 9 hours sleep
has become
very unusual for me

when it was once the norm

but this weekend
I slept nearly 11 hours
the first night
and last night
it was 10 hours
because I went to bed
at 10.

So, now I feel like
I slept late
and I caught up
on my sleep

I feel much better.

gosh, I didn't get up
til nearly 10 am yesterday...

woo hoo,
I wonder
if I stayed home from work
a few days and tested my theory
if I could start sleeping til noon again

oh yeah, I had two months to do that
and no, I didn't sleep that late
but I did sleep til after 8 several days...


Have a great day,

I am.

Recurring Dream

I don't know
how many nights
in a row
and some nights skipped
but I keep having a
recurring dream

I think it stems
from the muse
and I talking
about speaking positive
and putting the good thoughts
out there
for the man we want to have
in our lives
and no,
not the same man
but the "ideal" man
we want to have in our lives

well,
I haven't met him
but I am dreaming about him

We are sitting together
and he is trying to read something
and has trouble with the
"fine print"
so I try to read it
we are happy
we are joking
we are laughing
we are having a good time
and I look at what it is
he is trying to read
and I start to look
over my glasses,
because I am near-sighted
and can see without my glasses
when it is close to my face
I catch myself
looking over my glasses
and remember the muse
fussing at me
that I should take them off
instead of looking over them

apparently it is not a good look for me

so I take the off and read it for him
and put them back on

that is all I remember about the dream

and for several days now
when I have had that dream
I wake up alone
in the middle of my bed
(started sleeping in the middle
about two months ago, and apparently
there is a reason, but regardless, I love it)

and I am sad

this afternoon
the sadness hasn't gone away...

I am wishing for the man
instead of the dream
but am still not trying to date
or pursuing anyone.....

I like the dream
and don't want it to go away or end
but am not excited about the sadness
that follows...

Exhausted and Frazzled

For several days,
if not
two weeks

I have not had enough sleep
I have slept
I have slept well
but have NOT
had an opportunity
to get all the sleep I could

I wish I could say
a man was the reason
as the muse may

but I cannot
it is work
it is the beach
it is a bad motel bed
it is working late
it is getting up early
to go to work , or drive to the beach....

anyway,
the beach was great
and as soon as I sleep a bit
I will blog a bit more...

goodnight and sweet dreams

Life's a Beach

and I am so there....

the muse and I are off
for two days
of sitting on the beach
relaxing and
de-stressing...
see ya later....

unless you want to join us...lol

Big Day or I call Calf Rope

Tonight while on the phone
with RJ for the third time
I was trying to do some
home improvements
with no instructions
for the installation
of something so simple
it should not have taken
a single phone call
but it did,
it took two
to ask about the
funky screw parts
that I was trying to
make a hole in the wall to fit

they aren't Molly Bolts
I know what those are
and how they work
but these,
these were something I am not
familiar with

any way
the third phone call
was to say
I Call Calf Rope
and RJ asked
what does that mean?

I was floored
I thought he knew everything
and I can't believe
I hadn't ever said it to him.

Calf Rope
which means,
to those of you
unfamiliar

I surrender

I never think about others
not knowing it
I know it is not common
to just the area where I grew up
because Mr. Duvall
uses that term as well
so maybe it is a farm thing
or a small town thing
or a cowboy thing
if you know you can tell me

but today
I surrender

I have had tribulations at work
I have had troubles with Apt. Property managers
at home
I have had upset parents of children
for things unrelated to me
A child was lost
because he didn't stay with his "group"
but I found him

I had a great op
or so I thought
for a time share at the beach
and from all the advice
I gathered from others
I chose against it
even though I still think
it was a great deal
and it was hard giving in
to the idea that I shouldn't do it
at least not right now.

I walked today
I worked today
I tried to drill holes
in my bathroom wall
but alas
that will have to wait
til the morrow

Now I will sleep
and with the rain on the windows
perhaps I will sleep well
so I can tackle
the tasks I have tomorrow

and deal well
with the unseen trials
and tribulations
that tomorrow may bring...

CALF ROPE

Brand New Day

Once again
my life is my own
and my home
is my own

My son moved out
He was asked to leave
he refused to pick up
after himself
in the smallest of ways

I thought
when I laid down the law
and told him to go
that I would get
an argument

But I didn't

I thought
that when it came
down to the wire
I would tell him
he could stay

but I didn't

I thought
that when he
came back
because his father's
money hadn't arrived yet
to help him out
I might let him stay
til it did arrive

but I didn't

I thought I might
miss him
and the all night hours
of the door opening
and closing, the TV blaring
the car starting
the cigarette smoke
wafting up and in my window
his lurking in the hall as
he went to bed at 4 am
and the door being
unlocked when I got
up in the morning

But I didn't

I thought I might
wake up several times
being spooked
as I am alone in the house
again.

But I didn't

I slept great
over 10 hours
both nights
I feel great
I have been cleaning like
a mad woman
and I am so glad
to have my house
to myself again.

And as for him,
he is glad too, he came by
yesterday
to bring me Chicken Chow Mein
and when he said he didn't have
the money yet and his
roommate wouldn't let him
stay til he did
I gave it to him
and his dad is going to
reimburse me.
We got along better
than when he was here...

We both knew it was time
for him to leave the nest.

But I didn't realize
it was time
for me to have
my own space
just for me
and that I don't really
feel like sharing it.

but now I do.
and it is
a
Brand New Day.

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder or I Have a Pot to Piss In

In a previous life
the one I had
during my first marriage
and in the first few years
of the lives of my children
I owned and operated
an antique and craft shop
in the antique district of
Amarillo Texas
During that time
I started collecting
good antique pieces of furniture
mostly somewhat rustic
and I love a great Hoosier Cabinet
that is in original condition
not refurbished
or a new one made to look old

I have many stories
regarding the 4 years I had the store
including how my oldest son
who was born right after I started
the business
was the best salesman I had
at the age of 2,
when he was waiting on customers
when they came into the store
You see
I took him to work with me
every day.

Anyway, I learned
through this period in my life
that I appreciate
really interesting
and original pottery
hand thrown pottery
and I had a potter
who created great pieces
just for the shop

and occasionally
while at a craft show
I would pick up other pieces
of pottery
that caught my eye

A few years ago
many years after
I closed the shop

I found some great pottery
that is from Peru
done simply
in black and white

and the decor in my living room
was black and white
so I felt compelled
to purchase a few pieces

There were many pieces
each different
some were plates
some vases
some bowls
all designs reminded me
of my favorite Indian jewelry designs
bold, simple
elegant
Hopi Indian designs
of course
they aren't
they are from Peru
so I searched for just the right
pieces that were
great and good conversation
pieces
and would look great
in my living room
I found a plate
that at a distance
has a 3D effect,
I found a vase
that has wiggly lines
that look like fingers
holding it
and I found
one more
one that I thought was so cool
it was different
from all the rest
it was a vase
but the neck wasn't straight
it was bent,
and it had a wider base
with diagonal black and white lines
that reminded me
of feathers
or arrows
it was tall
and I thought it was just the
coolest piece I had ever bought

I don't still have the
living room I had
but have recently
put all my black and white
things up in this living room
as well
As I put out the pottery
I looked again
at my perfectly unique
One of a kind pottery pieces
and realized
that with it's crooked neck
and wide base
it looked like an ancient
Urinal
yes,
I now have a new outlook
on my wonderful piece of pottery
it reminds me of
a pot
you piss in

lol

so as I was cleaning house today
I dusted it
and thought of how it represents
our relationships with others

Just the other day
the muse had asked me
why I thought relationships end
and I think her post was called

What is the shelf life of a relationship

and I told her part of the reason
was that people stop working on them
and part of the fun of a relationship
with someone else is momentum

but the pottery is a great example

In the beginning
it is shiny and different
and you are drawn to it
for that very reason
You think it is unique
and unlike anything
you have known before
and you cherish it
and am proud that
you found it

and you show it off to others
and think they find it
as great as you do
and they are happy for you
and then life
takes it twists and turns
and things change
and move
and the part of your
house, or your life,
you thought your great find
would fit into perfectly
changes into another one
or you move forward
and life changes you
and then one day
you look up
and something has changed
and when you look
at your pottery
all you see
is a simple item
that when bedridden
comes in handy
but it doesn't hold
the same luster
or desire you once had
for it
and sometimes
you are even nervous
that someone else
is going to see it as you do
even though
you would like them to see it as
a very unusual
and interesting extension
of you.

I want to see that vase
as I did
the day I bought it
but even now
I keep thinking
that the art dealer
that sold it to me
was thankful
that some poor
ignorant woman
bought the one piece
they thought they would never sell
because it looked like a urinal
and after she left
they had a great laugh
at her expense
after she went on
and on about how
unusual it was.

Just a post

I feel compelled to post,

though I've not a clue what about

so this is merely a rambling
mumbled mess... or so
I imagine it will be

Have I told you
how much I want
someone to send me
flowers on the first day of school?

I told my son
but imagine he will
have all his money spent
by then

I told my mother
who promptly told me
that she would rather
wait til she sees me
and take me shopping

well that would be nice
but she won't really "go"
she will hand me money
that she thinks is "alot"
but in reality might not buy
more than a shirt
and instruct me to drive
to Hick Town and get several things
that are really swanky
for me to wear

so all my avenues for flowers
have been traveled
with no success
so perhaps I will buy those flowers
myself...

Have I told you
that school starts tomorrow
and I brought stuff home to work on
over the weekend

I still need to make playdough
finish Homework notebooks
make a behavior management system
that involve plaster of paris
and flowers on dowels
in a galvanized tub

I am making two
One for me
and one for a buddy teacher

and she is cutting
the tennis balls
for my chairs
or rather
her father in law is

I also need to make
flower pens
write the weekly newsletter
and finish my lesson plans.

Yeah, not much of a weekend
I know,
but maybe, just maybe
I will sleep tonight
if I am ready

I also want to go shopping
for one new outfit to wear
tomorrow
but don't know if I will get to it.


Did I tell you
I picked my phone up
out of my purse
and it had
the white screen of death
I can't see who I am calling
or who has called me
but it will ring if someone calls
and I can talk
I can put in someone's number
on the keypad and
call them
so if I do go shopping
I will be stopping
at the Radio Shack
to see about another one
and then choose...
phone... or
new outfit
phone... or
feeling pretty
phone.... or
something that will last
more than 3 months

this is my 4th phone this year
that is ridiculous.

I can't keep a phone
why would I think
I could keep a man
lol

so yeah
No news in that area
still not dating
still not worrying about it
but every once in awhile
(usually when reminded
by some insensitive ass
who asks "why" I don't
go out on the weekend,
and where are all those men
from just a bit ago)
every once in a while
I think I would like to

then I think again
and say "no"
still not ready


although, I know
Mr. Turnaround
is back in town
and I have thought
of him as well
starting his new year

I just reflect on my mistakes
and how I don't want to
make them again

Passion has it's costs
Not being on the right page
at the right time
doesn't help

so even though
the thought of dating
crosses my mind
I have too much to take care of
right now
myself included

esp. since my son
is still here
and not looking like
he will move any time soon.

so those little
chill pills in my purse
that I was
taking
"as needed"
which was 1
in the last 2 months
has dwindled to 10
in the last week.

Stress
lack of sleep
too much to do
too little time
anticipation of financial obstacles
the end of yet aonther "tie" with my last husband
which brings mixed emotions
each time one comes up
although it is great
to be out from under them
it still brings me sadness

it doesn't really matter
how bad you want something
to work
relationship wise
you both have to want it
or be willing to give it

so that is all
just a post
sharing random thoughts
early on a Sunday morning
before I "officially" start
a new year
so tomorrow
is the start of something big

send your self flowers...

looks like I will be...

Oh yeah, I am all over that one
thanks mom

A New Leaf, Turning Over

I have worked all weekend.
I have cleaned out boxes that I haven't opened
in years... literally, some 2 years, some 3, and one
that I think had to be from at least 7 years ago.
I found fantastic things that I had forgotten all about.
I found things I had been wondering where were.
I found things I would have just as soon forgotten
and never been reminded.
There are only a few boxes, containers, hidey holes
that I have not gone through in my classroom. And by
the end of the week, they will be done as well.
My biggest obstacle in life is organization. As much
as I want to be organized, I am not... or I should say
I was not, but now I am.
The question is if I can maintain it, at least in my classroom.
I have other things that are types of organization
I am working on.
The most important and the one I am really excited about
is my new budget.
As I was cleaning out my desk today and re-organizing
I found my receipts for things purchased for the last two
years. I have spent my "entertainment fund" and more
on my classroom every month for over a decade.
Well that will cease and desist right now. When I have
to choose between school goodies, or my good time,
my good time will be winning, I assure you.
Anyway,
our official first day back is tomorrow.
I am not excited. I am, however, looking forward to having
a room that is organized and neat and clean. So the last
several weeks of preparing will pay off in the long run.

Due to the fact I have been working on my classroom
and my budget, my daily walk has fallen to the wayside.
But in the spirit of leaf turning, I am going to start back
tomorrow, right after school. I intend to walk every day,
but will be happy if I make it 4-5 times a week. The goal
is 5 times, but we will see. Then I can start writing again
on Underblog.

So, not only are there three big changes in my life occuring
at the same time. There is one that isn't. I am not dating.
I am not trying to date. I am doing ok with it. I am finally at
the point that it is ok if I don't. So, I am not pursuing it,
but if it happens, I am open to it. Guess you could say
I am just not looking. Everyone else around me seems to be
more concerned about it than I am. My son has fussed at me
more than once about not having any dates. Heck, he has
even started inviting me to go clubbing with him and last
night he had an extra ticket to a local venue and offered it,
but it wasn't the kind of music I like, so I declined.
So... a metamorphosis of sorts.

I would say, well that's all... but golly geez, that's a bunch.

To Do List

When I first started
this blog
Many days I wrote my
"To Do" list here
and then as I got it done
I changed the font color
but that was when
the background
wasn't my favorite
playground
so I won't be
changing the color
I am not sure I can
get it all done in a day
anyway
but tomorrow
is my first
"unofficial" but
"official" day
back at work
I was there every day
the last two weeks
either in
workshops
or working in my room
but tomorrow
is everyone I work with
who chooses to come
of their own free will
because it is
"strongly recommended"
that we show up

but enough about that
I am thinking
that now is the time
to create a new habit
and it is to make the list
on Sunday
try to get it done
but if I don't,
to choose one thing
to do each day for the rest of the week
till they are all done
since I woke up
to what my very young
co-workers would say
is the crack of dawn
I think I might make it
through most of it
without issue
but we will see

• Wash Dishes- my son gets out a clean glass for each drink, and since he has started making money, I have made a deal, if he buys I cook, and he loves homecooked meals- esp. mine, so there are dishes from dinner yesterday- bbq'd ribs, mashed potatoes, and boiled okra- and yes it was very good... today is pot roast with all the trimmings (DONE)
• Laundry- I tend to wait til everything I own is dirty to do my laundry, since I don't have washer/dryer hookups and go to the automated washers about 100 feet from my front door. I am trying to remedy that, I have several loads, but not as many as usual... it will be a job for the entire morning, that is for sure ( DONE)
• Clean the living room- it won't take much, mostly picking stuff up, dusting, and sweeping the floor (and the top of my desk, but that isn't as bad as it looks, most of it is trash or a bill I need to pay)
• Front Porch- my son moved home, and the front of the place looks like a trailer park. He smokes out there and leaves stuff out there, like it is an extension of his room. It is time to show him how I want it to look on a daily basis. Of course, I would like him to keep it looking that way, but we all know what will happen. (DONE)
• Clean the kitchen- which is the floor, stove and counter, after I do the dishes. I want to re-arrange the refrigerator since I have fresh veggies from the farmers market that I want to make sure I don't forget about and not eat because they were in a bag.
• Clean my bedroom- which is the chore that probably won't get finished. Recently switched the furniture with the other bedroom that my son is now in. Of course I had stuff in all of the drawers of both sets. So now I have all of the stuff out of the drawers of what I put in the room he is in, and the drawers in my room are full. I need to clean out and put away, in addition to washing my sheets and sweeping the floor... which will get done today (sheets and floor)
• Saved the best for last- the one I loathe- Clean the bathroom- bleck!!! I hate it, but I do like it when it is clean...

So if you feel like helping, come on over, if nothing else,

company is always good...

Farmers Market

I love it
I grew up in the country
on 5 acres of land
and we had a garden
a huge garden
of
okra
squash
cucumbers
watermelons
green beans
snap peas
jalapenos
green peppers
all kinds of peppers
tomatoes
not just your regular
Beefeaters Toms
but
cherry toms
pear toms
grape toms
and then romas

I love the yellow
pear tomatoes

and on 2 of the acres
we grew corn
and there was a large
peanut crop in another spot

we had chickens
and roosters
many different kinds
and I was so young
I don't remember
the kinds
but I would if I saw them

we had rabbits
I played with them
petted them
fed them

and then my dad
would string them up
and butcher them
in front of me
and save the skins
to be tanned later

we had a steer
that my dad
had intentions
of feeding
until he could be
made into steaks
roasts, and hamburger

the steer was like
a big dog
that my brothers
played with all the time

we had pigs
sows in fact
that my brother
raised as part of FFA
and we were out
in the cold one weekend
building a pig barn
so they wouldn't freeze
when they had their piglets

my dad had an old John Deere tractor
that he loved going out
and plowing
or dragging
railroad cross ties
to make his "ranch"
fence
with the crossties
as posts
and 2 x 12s
as the rails
it was gorgeous
when he was done
after 2 years of building it

we had winter wheat one year
it was fun to run around in
and hide from the dog
or mother or daddy
or my brothers

I had a pony
named Baby Doll
She liked to buck me off
(explains alot doesn't it? lol)
she looked like a welch pony
but she was only half welch
I don't remember the other half
but it was one that
explained her stubborness
and it wasn't a mule mix
she was very ornery
and loved to eat cucumbers
that had grown too big for us to eat
one day I gave her
a jalepeno
that had grown too big
and she whinnied
ran to the water trough
and put her head into it
up to her eyes

She had a colt once
and a few days after she had it
we had a storm
and the next morning
the colt was dead
my mother and brothers
buried it
before I could see
what had happened
I think the lightning scared
Baby Doll and the colt
and I think she got
caught in the electric fence
(pre-ranch fence)

all these memories
have been coming up
because I have been
shopping at the farmers market
for the last month or so
and the wonderful
taste of home grown veggies
and melons
have had me wishing
for a garden of my own

I have always like working outside
whether married or single
it was me who was the main one
who mowed, weed eated, edged, watered
and took care in general
of the yard
I have had huge flower gardens
and vegetable gardens
and the last few years
I have been in an apartment
and not had to mow a yard
in about 2 years
Some days
when I come home
and the mowers have been here
it is such a relief
that I didn't have to do it
and I like to brag
that I "mowed" that day
and that my friends should come
hang out in my freshly cut yard.
It has taken awhile
but part of me misses it
the feeling of a job well done
and sitting out in a yard
as the sun sets
watching the fireflies come out
and feeling like a kid
with great wonderment
and excitement at the sight
of each one.

Then again
a garden would be preferred

I hope I have that chance again
before I am not able to
get down and dirty
in the garden.

If not, I will shop
at the Farmer's Market
from now on...