You know that prayer?
the one I won't name
because anyone who googles it
will get this blog address
if I use the name
the one that says
God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference
between the things I can change
and
the things I can't
I could use some of that wisdom
right now
can you teach a new dog old tricks
or an old dog new tricks?
I don't think you can teach a dog anything
unless he wants to learn it
let's talk about the new dog
my youngest son
who came by yesterday
when I know he has been lurking
around for weeks but doesn't say anything
unless he wants something
yesterday
he wanted a ride to the cell phone store
when he could have walked
and he showed up
shortly after I returned from the grocery store
so I just said no
I wasn't going anywhere right now
and he could just come back later
If he wanted to eat a good meal
I was going to make
Chicken Fried Steak and
mashed potatoes for dinner
so..... somehow
he showed up
right about the time
dinner was ready
and I could tell something was amiss
but I wasn't sure
if he was high
or drunk
or strung out
but I let it go
he was very chatty
but not talking fast
he showed concern for his grandmother
and her health
so I took that as an opportunity
to tell him that I was worried about
him
more than I was about her
he has no home
he sleeps under a bridge at times
and several other things
that really scare me about his safety
and he blurted out
Mom, I am a drug addict
I do drugs every day
I drink alcohol every day
I have tried and tried to help him
but at this point
I don't know what to do
and it literally broke my heart
I know he would have never said it
if he were straight
but he was really pouring out his heart
and saying things he never says
so it was whatever he had in his system
that was taking his defenses down
and inhibitions away
I know from my experience with my own father
you can't help them until they want
to help themselves
but my son is just not there
and my dad never got there
his drinking literally killed him
and I buried him when I was 22
so yeah, I wish I had the wisdom
to know what to do
and I know you all mean well
but please no advice for my son
just make a comment if you have some
about how I can cope with the situation
He doesn't listen to me
and my friends have all meant well
in the past with advice for what he should do
but it doesn't work for me to tell him
I have only told one person about this
and I wanted to talk to another today
but I sat there and thought about it
and realized I felt a social stigma coming on
and couldn't bring myself to talk about it
teaching the old dog new tricks will have to wait
I am sure he isn't in any hurry to change anyway
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
just let him know you love him and that he always has a home with you. As for coping, that's a tough one. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Take care of your needs. He's an adult and has to make decisions for himself. Watching him self destruct cannot be easy. I'm sorry it's a hard rd for you. Hang in there. AT
How to cope with the knowledge of your son's dangerous behaviors and addictions? How to cope with your feelings of guilt and the perception that you are turning your back on him? How to deal with the social stigma that somehow you have failed and your son is an alcoholic? That's a tough assignment!
You have to take care of yourself! Anonymous gave you some sound advice there. But how? When all you really feel like doing is crawling further into your den and isolating yourself so that you don't have to deal with all this unpleasantness.
When my son literally blew out his pancreas by binge drinking over the past few years-I suffered from those same feelings of guilt-how did I let him down. I loved him so much, I tried to help him, I did everything in my power to make him feel successful hoping that he could overcome whatever demons forced him to drink so heavily. The realization is I was powerless-but you have already realized that.
What is it that relieves stress for you? Is it a brisk walk? Is it copious amounts of sex? Is it sitting in the sun for hours? Is it gardening? My suggestion to you is to make one of those things a priority-schedule time to do those things every day if possible. Get plenty of exercise and eat well. When he does return to you for help-at least you will be healthy and stable enough to help him.
I will say prayers of healing for you and your son.
AT, you bring a smile for dropping by and you bring a tear with your great advice. Wise beyond your years my friend, you are.
Muse, great idea, and yes to all points... I will get right on that schedule.
Post a Comment