The last two days
have had me in a fog
Is it the full moon?
I mean,
it makes the kids at school
NUTS
why not me too?
Is it that I really was
that upset about Mr. Beamer?
Is it that I really WASN"T
ready to be seeing anyone,
no matter at what level?
I am thinking it was the last one.
I was enjoying Mr. Beamer,
but there weren't any sparks for me
either.
I was keeping him at arms length,
scared to let myself get close to him.
I am not really ready to be near anyone,
and I thought I might be
and I thought I wanted to be
and
I still needed a distraction.
There are no set limits on the grieving process.
and as much as I would like to be done,
I am not yet.
After much thought
and overcoming of fear
of being by myself
from now on.
I have decided to do just that.
I am writing it down,
because that way
my blogging friends
can hold me to it.
Walker has told me
and told me,
how it is best for him
and those around him
for him to stay by himself
and not get caught up
in relationships that he knew
were not in his best interest
or the best interest of the woman
who was flirting or throwing herself at him
and I agree
but he seemed to be stronger than I am.
Let's see,
Let's see if I can be strong
and move through my life alone
without insignificant relationships
that just take up time
and keep my mind off of things I should think through
and deal with.
And Lord, help me,
I will get over this broken heart once and for all.
I know Muse is tired of my grieving, but what
I have tried and tried to tell her
and others
is that
I AM TOO,
but that doesn't mean I am done yet.
But I will be
and I hope it is soon.
In the mean time...
it is back to
me taking care of me.
Have a great day everyone...
you deserve it.
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3 comments:
Sometimes what you seek is not what you are chasing but what suddenly appears from where you least expect it.
Basically, just enjoy life and all will fall into place without you even realising it.
From time to time Walker is the "Wise One"
the advice he gave you is very good, just
basically try and enjoy life- take care of
you and what will be will, and it is usually
when you are not expecting it to happen it will
happen.
Wishing you the best.
No, I'm not tired of you grieving (Lord know I have been grieving the loss of my family for years now)what upsets me is ... that you continually beat yourself upside the head with whatifs. You are a beautiful person and you have many talents-its a shame you are wasting ALL your energy getting over someone who wounded you so severe, and that you question the core of who you are.
He has no power over you-quit giving him and his memory all the power! Peace will be yours, but you have to take care of yourself so that it can find what's left of you.
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