Un-illusioned and Non-illusioned

Those are my two
NEW words
for the day
I believe I invented them
yesterday!
Now,
just in case
you have a dictionary
with them in it
please don't
shatter my "illusion"
of being a wordsmith
but rather
allow me to continue
to believe
that I was the first
to not understand
why neither of them
showed up in any dictionary
that I have
and I have several.

But, you know
the mother of invention
is necessity
and I needed those words yesterday
to describe how I feel.

You see
I was contemplating
how things seem so good
and are going well
when you meet someone
of interest
with no ICK factor present
and then they just go
"POOF"

and it is difficult for me
to let things go
when I do not have
adequate closure for me
even when I want to let them go
they sneak back into my head
while I am idle
even for a moment
so again, the term

idle hands are the devil's workshop

is true as well.
So, I try to find a way
to discover as much as I can
about what happened
or what the guy was thinking
that made him act the way he did
in the beginning
and in the end.

After some internet sleuthing
I found
that some of the things
I was told by him
may have been, at best,
partially true.
A few of his responses
to questions, were most probably
untruthful (see the "un" works there)
to hide the truth or true personae
and my grand illusion
of this
well put together,
handsome,
well-read,
gentlemanly,
fiery in a very sexy way,
potential best friend
and lover,
went "POOF"
and there standing before me
was the epitome
of the high school jock

come on
you all know the guy
he was put on the team's shoulders
at a young age
people treated him like he was God
and the girls swooned over him
to the point he never had a second to himself
and the pretty girl
who hid behind her glasses
and wasn't a cheerleader
or a twirler,
even though she wanted to be,
watched him from afar
never quite able to get the nerve
to speak to him
his friends all called her names
and laughed at her
and to the FB player
she thought she was invisible
and then,
highschool was over
and the big man on the team
thought he should still be treated well
by everyone and the girls should still swoon
and he could be "the big man" still
but little by little it went away
his "karma" from his football days
and the only one still willing
to pay attention to the shell of a man
who thought he was bigger than life
still
was the four-eyed beauty
who still saw his guns shining in the sun
and his strong legs running down the field
and so long ago couldn't see her,
or her hidden beauty...

but the charm
and the ways he chooses to exercise it
to get what he wants
not to give what others need
was ever so
UNattractive (see it works there too)

and *POOF*

instead of the handsome prince
on the white steed
(exaggeration)

before me stood
(in my mind of course,
because he doesn't even have
the balls to call, much less stand up to me)
was the man
who never grew out of his boyish ways

and *POOF*

I was unillusioned
and sad, because I really liked
the guy I met who seemed like
a true gentleman and scholar
among a sea of dregs and deadbeats
just looking to get lucky

but once again, I was proven wrong.

*I could have used disillusioned, but
I didn't like the connotation of dis
I liked un or non better

I don't like dis ....lol (say it like a 5 year old)

and yes,
I do prefer the illusion
I think that gentlemen and scholars
are still out there
and I am putting out the good thought
to find one.