Big Day Big News

Tomorrow is the day
that my mom has another
angioplasty and they place
a stent in her heart
stint or stent? I don't know
I just know that she is
having surgery tomorrow.

We have been eating healthy meals
that I have bee cooking
that are low fat
and low sodium
we have been having
conversations
the kind you never want to have
with your parent
but are so important
like who would you like
to give the service at your funeral
or which account at the bank
will be easiest to access
for immediate funds
and how to do it
as I know she will never
give power of attorney
where her money is concerned.

Then she looked at me
and asked
if I thought her surgery tomorrow
was serious...
well, mom, they are going
to be working on your heart and
the arteries connected to it
so yeah... it is very serious
but a common procedure
that is done quite often
and the dr. is well versed in what he does
so...
it is going to be a hard day
that will bring comfort
when it is over.
They do not believe
that she will feel any different
after she has the surgery
but her heart will not have
to work as hard to beat
and pump blood throughout her body

and so... it seems...
Tater, The Muse, RJ, and others
that are close to me
think I should not be alone
but I will be
AND I am not as concerned
as they are
I think it is ok
for me to be here
with no one I am close to
sitting with me
through a serious but common
procedure for my mom

perhaps I am in denial
or shock
or I feel she will be fine
(which I do, I have to)
so... thank you for your kind words
and good thoughts and prayers
but really,
what I need more than anything else
is the care and support
of those around me
when I get home.

Yes, I will be home
within the week
if all goes well tomorrow
and I have much to face
when I get back
to MY LIFE

I have resigned my job
without another
mainly to make myself
go out and find a new one
and not procrastinate about it

I have a job interview
with a Montessori school
in Corpus Christi
First on the phone
on Thursday,
and then possibly
in person the following week
I am very excited about it
even though it is a cut in pay

I have applied at 3 other
districts close to my home
even though Tater assures me
that my home locale will be changing
within the year
I am in no hurry
to move at this time
unless it is South
because of a job offer.

I am returning after two and a half weeks
of no pay,
I have no idea
what impact that will have
on my paycheck
and when... this month
the last month I am supposed to get paid
or a little at a time

and of course,
getting my home in order
for spring
my new backyard
that I have been planning
with patio table
plants, lights,
and paving stones
has been waiting for me
to get it started
for over a month now


and no,
none of that
is important
compared to what I am doing now
spending time with my mom
and helping her out
but it is still the life
I will have
to return to
and I hope
that mother is doing well enough
that I can do it soon
and she does too
she is the one
that said I should go home
within a week
and I said
I would stay as long as needed
and would come back
whenever she felt I should

and it has been a big day
with big news re:
the interview on Thursday
via phone,
I am really
really excited
and concerned at the same time