New Years Eve List

Woke up early
Coffee was made
Heel wasn't killing me
Had an "attitude adjustment" last night
that helped with my mood
and so I have big plans
for today

Load up items to take to work
Load up items to take to storage
opening up boxes and repacking them
with items to go to storage
putting away any items to stay here
Lunch with high school friend
cook black eyed peas for tomorrow

and then get ready for a great NYE

Have a great celebration tonight,
Be Safe
Have fun!!

Falling Behind in my plans

Yesterday,
I did get things done at school
and even 30 minutes earlier than planned
but it went downhill from there

However, I did
Join a gym
go to a class (cardio)
portion Stew and freeze it
get some well needed sleep
make plans to eat lunch
with two friends from high school
one will be today,
and the other tomorrow.
Read more about BFL
...

and today
I am not out of bed yet
but I have made an eye dr appt.
for next Tuesday
and now it is time for coffee
and a light breakfast...
(lunch in two hours)
and then working at school
a water class tonight
and hopefully working at home
later

the sleep did help
the class did not,
my heel is killing me today
part of the reason I haven't gotten started yet today
that and it is cold


have a great day

Tuesday's List and eval of Monday

Yesterday was
not as productive as I had hoped.
I did get the Elfa emptied
and stuff that was in them "grouped"
I also made the stew
took family heirloom clock to the clock doc
watched a coworkers 4year old for a few hours

The only thing I didn't get done was
any work on the Living room
so it was a good day
and gave me a little bit of down time
that I am going to have to plan into my days

A snowfall was suppose to occur last night
but it hasn't started ....yet...

So... Today
Today I will work at school
putting stuff back in the Elfa
in an organized fashion
and start on filing organization
(will come home by 12)
Then work on the living room
Hoping to get it all done
in time to go listen to some music tonight
The idea
is to get boxes that go to storage
in the car
unpack other boxes of home stuff
that I need here

will probably be a big job
of unpacking and repacking

I have to find my passport
for my trips that I have coming up
so there is greater motivation
than just having a clean livingroom

The cat box is still on the list
sweeping the floors
more cooking of meals for next week
to freeze and save
Have to get going now,
to be at school by 9.

Big List Monday- Organize Drawers at work

Yesterday was busy from 5:30 am til 11:30 pm

I did get the kitchen in much better shape
and my back
and my heels
are feeling it.

The counters are re-arranged
The table is cleaned off
All dishes are clean
Food in the fridge
all laundry is done

doesn't sound like much, but the kitchen took 4 hours
and laundry took 3,
9 loads, washed, dryed folded and put up
I didn't get the stew started
so that is today

Today is work
at work
organizing the elfa drawers
four sets of four
that is a big job,
and a messy one

then this afternoon
home to cook
and work on the living room
and tonight

a little happy hour fun
I am excited about it.

Have a great day

oh.. and I think the only thing
I didn't get done yesterday
was the cat box
so that is on today's list as well

Sunday is the Kitchen

I was up til past midnight
I got an evening burst of energy
and actually cleaned off the coffee table
which consisted of
putting kitchen condiments
salt, pepper, Mrs. Dash etc
back into the kitchen
going through mail that I had tossed there
gathering up trash
finding a new home for
odd computer cables
wire cutters
tape dispenser
kitchen candles
candle sconces
a set of decorative plates

then wiping down the table
returning one oil lamp
a seashell stained glass "magic wand"
for lack of a better descriptor
and books I am reading
to start my new transformation

I also emptied a spot by the tv
there was a box
full of self help books
of which I will keep a handful
and give the rest away
or sell in a garage sale
so that moved to be by the book shelf

So... I woke up at 5:30
and was wide awake
so this morning
I am going to put up clean dishes
wash remaining dirty ones
clean off the counters
clean the stove top
clean off the kitchen table
which sounds easy
but it is covered with all the things
I don't know what to do with
sweep the floor
clean out the cat box
take out the trash
clean out the car
load laundry in the car
go to the laundromat
and obviously
do my laundry
put up laundry
and then I have plans
to go to dinner
and a movie with a new friend

there might have to be a nap in there
somewhere

we will see..

Have a great day!!!

ps. still waiting for the NYE date call

A New Beginning

When I first started this blog
I used it as a way to get my
List of the Day
done...
knowing it would make me feel accountable
because others could read it.

Now, I am returning to that point
for awhile

My list for the next week

Clean and organize the 4 rooms I have in my house
Not an easy chore
each will take a minimum of a day
and the living room will take longer than that

having moved in August
having not packed my own stuff
and figuring out how it was packed
by someone else
and where to put it
or repack it for another time
or get rid of it

I don't know what room I will start with
but I will decide that each morning.

This is in preparation of my new life
that I will start in less than a week.

I have procrastinated for the last several years
and this is the year I have to make
the change of a lifetime

It will be life changing
but first

my list for the week

clean each room of the house
pick a room each morning
give myself two full days for the living room
ask for help with heavy stuff
clean out the car first (guess I know what I am doing tomorrow)
go to laundromat and do laundry (big chore)
make an appointment to get eyes checked
work on my organization at work (2 day minimum)

Bathroom
organize makeup, throw out the old
sweep and mop floor
wipe down counter
organize storage closet

Bedroom
Organize drawers to be more efficient
Clean off dresser and chest
get three lamps in place and working
organize closet
iron and put the bedskirt on the bed

Kitchen
Wash dishes
clean off counters
clean off table (covered in stuff I don't know where to put)
sweep the floor
mop the floor
clean the stove top
organize the pantry

Living room
clean off coffee table
get old tvs out of the house
go through at least 6 boxes that aren't unpacked
Unpack and hang witches balls
set up floor lamps in usable areas
hang pictures
take better care of plants
take clock to clock shop to be fixed
take boxes to storage of things I am not unpacking
sweep and mop floors
set up new bed for Tinkerbell
set up new "potty area" for Tinkerbell

get long "internet cable" to take to living room from bedroom

wow, it is so overwhelming to look at in person
but in a list,
it seems do-able

if I can keep my energy up...

tomorrow I will pick a room in addition to laundry
and the car
and I will let you know what I am doing...

Procrastination

It is a wonderful thing

and an awful one as well

My mom died.

My mom died in October. I had just moved to be closer to her, to spend time with her, to help her, and we found out her lung cancer (which she had concealed from me for 7 months) had spread to her brain. We found out one week after I moved to my home town, 100 miles south of where she lived.
We found out on the Friday night after Labor Day, and she died one month later.

It has been two months now, almost to the day.

I still cry daily, sometimes several times.
Over little things, like how she would find something funny, or something she wouldn't find funny, or how ironic life is and something we discussed or laughed about due to the horrific cercumstances of life and death.
I am crying now. Some things you just cannot fathom until they happen to you. I have several friends who have lost their moms, some while I was their friend.... I think I didn't want to fathom what it was like... so I procrastinated..
like your mom should live forever...
well why not, my grandmother outlived my mom, and my mom was 77 years old. So even my mother could not fathom the loss.

So, yes, I procrastinate...

I just moved, or so it seems.. and I don't want to unpack, because I am not wanting to stay here. I moved for her. I came for her, I was here for her....
and now she isn't...
so what do I do? I don't know... I have a good job, I like the people (amazingly) and yet, I can't stand the location. I can't stand the weather, I can't stand the feeling of a lack of civilization (no offense intended, it just isn't a big city)
I haven't unpacked... I know it has been 3 months or a little more... but I have boxes everywhere and live in a state of disarray...
I would love to spend a week to do it, but my health is hindering me, and my mental health tells me I am tired and I should sleep, and my head says... get what you can get done and be happy you made progress...
until,
until I walk into the kitchen and have no space to cook
until I can't sit on the couch for the "stuff" that is on it and has no place to go
until I think about living near the water and enjoying the beach and the salty fresh air
until I am all alone
and wishing I wasn't

I have no support system here,
my co-workers are just that
they don't know me
I don't know them
their lives are full enough
and busy enough
with small children and families

and here I am
when life is suppose to be grand
Children are grown,
parents are gone,
I am free to do as I please, when I please and with who I please...

yet I am procrastinating

I don't know when I will start,
but I have a feeling
that as soon as I do
my children will decide to have children of their own
and I will have less freedom than ever before...

Up to My Elbows in Stuff

Stuff

We all have it

Big Stuff

Little Stuff

Real Stuff

Worry Stuff

Important Stuff

Decorative Stuff

and all that other stuff

I have just moved again
moved again in fewer years
than I ever want to move again
One of these days I will find
the one place that makes me never want
to move again

but until then
I have moved
ALL MY STUFF
AGAIN

Now some of my stuff
is furniture
like the Singer pedal sewing machine
my Granny Bea gave me
for my 13th Birthday
My "Doctor's Choice" bed
that I bought with my own
hard earned cash
My living room suite
that goes great with my Coastal Theme
even though
I did buy it last year
on CL for 400 bucks
couch, loveseat, 2 end tables,
coffee table and two lamps...
quite the bargain
my Possum Belly Cabinet
an antique with curved drawers
and a cutting board
and glass cabinet doors in the top
(and NO it is not a Hoosier cabinet)
Bedroom furniture that are all antiques
and mahogany finish which I love
and the blue legged table
that was one of the few things I kept
when my daddy died
only to find the history of it
was truly my mother's side
of the family
and something she left him
when they divorced

now, I think most of that
is a given of needing to move
with me

and then there are my collections
which
admittedly
are questionable
when hauling them
from one abode to the next
like my
witches balls
lighthouses
quarters
sea shells
pink flamingos
serenity garden and rocks
handmade soap (a usable collection)
stained glass lamps
and more

then there are clothes
and bathroom amenities

and a classroom full of school materials
that in itself is a truckload
of items I have invested dollars and time
into in order to make my job easier and more enjoyable

but to those who help me move
or watch me try to fit it all
into a 1 bedroom cottage
it is
a bunch of shit

Now, I don't know
if you watch a show called
Hoarders
but I did watch it
for the first time
last night
and although
I have a bunch of stuff
or a bunch of shit
I am not a hoarder
by their definition
or by the examples set by the people on that show.

However, I am studying
the reason I have
the stuff I have
and not less
of it
although it is diminishing
quickly
in order to accomodate
my new cottage

I have been told I find comfort
in my stuff
and having it around
and I would
have to agree

it does bring me solace

just as I try to make myself
wake up
and realize
I am in Lubbock Texas
not
San Antonio
or further south
but
Raider land
and my hometown
which really hasn't sunken in yet
I have to say
that I have found
myself content
and upon reflection of why

it would have to be
because I have been
in my cottage
putting away
and arranging
my "stuff" in my new home
and somehow
that makes it feel like home
and in that I find solace

so

yes, it is my stuff
and I love it
so please don't offend me
by telling me
I have too much shit

because to me
shit is a derrogative term
and my stuff
is
all good and great
and full of grace
and love
and comfort
like a grandmother
or father
or friend
when I need one
and given as many times
as I have moved
and as many friends as I have
in other places
it is nice to come home
and feel comforted

and that what my stuff does
it comforts me
and brings me a smile
without having to talk
or ask to be quiet
or having stinky feet
or making rude comments

so yes, some days, it is my companion
and it is all yielding to me
which is best of all

so ... one day soon,
it will all be in it's new place
and I can sit and enjoy
knowing it was a job
worth doing

and then it will dawn on me
that I am 11 hours from the beach
instead of 1o mins or 3 hours
and then you can
send me uplifting words of wisdom...

and I am sure I will need them....

It Has Been A While

But now I am back...
new posts coming soon...
great stories...
or so I think...

see ya soon

Rolling Along On the Roller Coaster

Many years in the past, I have gone to the coast for New Year's Eve. It sounds really cool, but honestly, as I look back on them, they are at best, just ok.

I think the first year, I drove over 700 miles to get there before midnight. It was when I was still married but was living in Corpus Christi and working in Mathis. My husband had scurried to our previous home, where he was still living, with an excuse that I don't recall. I was pissed, and I really wanted to have a good New Year's Eve... and if it had to be without him, it should be a place I love, and I love the beach.

I arrived on the beach to see a few people with fires, it was chilly and I didn't have a coat with me. So I wrapped a quilt around me, got out of the car and walked along the beach. As I walked I watched the waves and a very large bird that was at the water's edge. Another woman was by the woman and we exchanged "Happy New Year" salutations. Then she continued to visit. Her family had come from a northern state, they were in a RV and they were one of the ones with a great fire built. She invited me to join them by the fire, so I did. I am not sure where or when the New Year came in, but it did, and after a while, I returned to my car to drive home, about 30 miles away from the beach. As I drove, I noticed my car was over heating, then there was smoke or steam coming from the car. I pulled into a parking lot, turned the car off and pulled the quilt up over me and slept for a few hours, woke up and drove about 3 miles and did the same. I got home at 6 am.

The next year, when he was there, we drove to Corpus, and stayed in a motel for NYE. He didn't get it. He didn't understand that I wanted to be on the beach at midnight, so I didn't push it, and did what he wanted... at least he was trying.

The years since then are a bit blurry. One year I went to geocache all day NYE and NYD and I was on the beach a good bit of the time, but I wasn't at Midnight. At midnight I was in a motel room all alone, wondering if my life choices were the best ones for me or not. I have learned that whether they were best or not, they were/are my choices and I will make the best of them.

Earlier in the month I had every intention of going to the coast again this year. Then last week, after a few days of sadness, I changed my mind and told a close friend that I was not going after all. He seemed very disappointed that I had changed my mind. He said he had envisioned a romantic thought of me, on the beach, spending time with myself, by myself. I became defensive as if he was badgering me for changing my mind. So later, after he left, I thought about it.

I wondered how I could have the best New Year's Eve.

The one NYE that stood out as the most memorable was right before I divorced my first husband. I went out with a friend, who was single, at a local watering hole. A tall handsome man, whose name is not in my memory bank, asked me to dance. We ended up dancing, laughing, kissing, and went to a party after the bar closed. Neither of us knew anyone at the party, we were invited by a girl I met in the restroom, and everyone thought we were married. They said we looked good together, seemed so much in love, etc. We laughed and necked and had a good time and then I went home to my life at the time.



Hmmmmmm.... I wondered how I could replicate that and go to the beach.



So I decided to go after all. I took some clothes to change into, depending on the weather, a sleeping bag, if I choose to sleep on the beach, a quilt to wrap around if I walk on the beach at night, which I did plan on doing, a bottle of Parrot Bay Coconut Rum, a staple for a trip to the beach.



On the road about 2:30, and thinking about what I would do when I arrived on the island. I decided to drive to Port Aransas, rather than go to the National Seashore... best to stay where I have cell phone service. I would need to eat some dinner, so I decided to eat at a new place I haven't tried yet. After arriving in Port A, I drove down the beach to see if there were any bars or clubs on the beach and the only one I thought was there, was closed, permanently I think. A few years back a friend that lives in the area and I had partied at a bar near the marina so I drove that way and there it was, a cajun cafe that sang to me, eat here eat here. I drove on by and found I was a bit lost, as I looked for the marina area. Finally I turned a corner and there was the familiar sight of several bars and the seafood restaurant I had considered for dinner. I turn in and drive down the lane where the bright holiday lights, flashing signs, and warm lights from inside the buildings. Some have bands, some have dj's and none of them seem to have a cover charge. Then there it was, the one that I have always wanted to walk into. In the past, when I drove by, the place looked like a biker bar, and not meeting the criteria of my cohort in crime that has joined me at the beach for the last two years or so, we didn't return for a true visit and inspection in person.

As I drove on by, I laughed as I thought, I might not be able to make my way back to the restaurant and as I turned the corner, there it was, less than two blocks from the bar.

Car parked, seated at a table for 1, you know, the one, it is a small table by the wall, right by the tables set up for large parties.

There is no bar to sit at by myself. That's ok, I am a-o-k with sitting there, because all the tables have white butcher paper on them, which means they will have Cajun boil, which is exactly what I ordered. My waiter was from N'rleans, because I had a hard time understanding him. Before I left, I asked for pointers for a local bar to choose..and what do you know, he suggested the friendly little bar I had picked out... woo hoo...

The short drive back to the wood frame building containing a bar was short. There were a few people inside and the sign stated it was the friendliest place on the island. So I parked, right in front, and moseyed up the steps and stepped inside. A long bar lined with chrome legged and dulled red seat covers on barstools from the late 50's or so they seemed to be. A few people sat at the bar, a few at a table or two and a lady playing a flatliner machine. Sitting down at the bar, the bubbly bartender said hello and asked what she could get me. I noticed it isn't a full bar, but there are beer bottles and some flavored malt beverages on the shelf behind the bar. A young lady (perhaps barely over 21) suggests the red Parrot Bay cooler so I took her recommendation and soon I was sipping on it, and trying to get the feel of the place. The people in there obviously knew each other and all seemed friendly. A few more came in and sat in various spots. A few just walked through, which helped me learn there was a front door and a back door and I had parked by the front door. Then the band showed up. Two at once, who were quick to introduce themselves. One of them announced the others would be there shortly. Then the young lady left and a stiff and stodgy couple sat down where she was. Then a man sat down two barstools and pulled out a Crown Royal party... What? a BYOB bar? woohoo... I really did pick the right place, so I go out and get me rum out of the car... A coke set up, a bottle of rum and a barstool on either side of me gave me a feeling of possibilities and availability... and then he walked in...
He was tall... at least 6'4", with bright shining eyes. long beautiful silver lined head of hair and a very intriguing face. He made his way, from the back door, to the bar, stopping to greet friends as I was screaming inside my head, sit next to me, please sit next to me... and then he did.
As he sat down, he turned his head, smiled an award winning (well it could be) smile and said hello and asked how I was, and I said good
I am good, how are you?
Very good he said and I thought
I bet you are
That was the beginning of the best New Year's Eve ever.
Turns out, he is a new islander, having moved down to care for elderly parents. He states he is single.
Then a surprising visitor, while he was out of his seat. The man I had seen cleaning up around the bar, helping out Miss Lucy, the bartender. He had a great smile and plopped down next to me and was inquiring as to where my husband was...ummm there was no ring on my finger and explained I was single. Small talk ensued and then he was gone as quickly as he appeared.
I felt it was a setup right away, so I wanted to make sure that I had been very clear.
Then he was back. I found it hard to not touch his hair when we talked. He was quite charming and very uninhibited when the band played, he danced alone or by the band as he jammed on his air guitar with them. He shared his goal for the night which was to have everyone in the place smiling... there were a few hard sells, but they were all smiling in the end. He is intelligent, well read and a history buff.
His phone kept ringing. Finally I asked if he was suppose to leave in time to see his wife, and that is when he told me he was single, but the date he was suppose to have ditched him, for the 4th time in the last two weeks... hmmmm
So I asked if he was expecting her before midnight. He said he didn't know. Bravely I inquired whether I could have a kiss at midnight if she didn't show up. He dipped his head and kissed me then, and said I didn't have to wait til Midnight for a kiss.
I just about melted into the floor.
I kept looking at his hands, long thin fingers, great coloring, and wishing he was wrapping them and his arms around me.
Many friendly people, great music, visiting and flirting. Then it was midnight and he was kissing me so passionately.... which was followed by the last two hours of bar time spent talking to him and others, singing, and dancing around in a very small area.
There was talk of where I was staying and I said I didn't have a place yet, but was going to get one. He didn't want me to do that, and yet, his place was full of visiting family and friends and that was not an option.
We spent 4+ hours on the beach, mostly in my car and some standing and a little walking on the beach. It was a wonderful night of kissing and holding and talking and a little bit of playing but not so much to feel guilty about.
At 6:30, I took him to his truck, and drove back to the beach to watch the sun rise. Then I drove home and tried to sleep, but it wasn't easy... I didn't want to drive away. I didn't want to leave him there...
I want the dream that starts with him walking in the back door and the two of us walking through the front door of a life together, not just a night... but right now?
Right now, on the roller coaster of my life
the beginning of 2009 and the first 6 and a half hours of it, were on the top bend, the exciting, anticipated part, well worth the journey on the tracks that led me there.
Here's to a year with more ups than downs....
and yes, I have talked to him, and perhaps we will see each other again, soon... time will tell.

If ever there was an evening that things came along the way I wanted them to, this was it... did I draw him to me? I think maybe I did...