Screw Me Over, I am Getting Used To It

I am livid
Absofuckinglutely livid

so I may jump around
but I will try to write
something worth following
til you get the gist of it
or get to the end of it

I am a curious person
I am a very curious person
and when they say
Curiousity Killed the Cat
I just didn't get it
until I was burned
by my over zealous curiousity
I mean
I have said
how I had to know
what was in the christmas packages
as soon as I saw them
rather than waiting til
Christmas Morning

so believe me
I do understand that feeling

When I dated Mr. Turnaround
I was curious about what was going on
with him
and I never searched
but when I saw notes
on his bar
in his house
I was a bit nosey
when I should have ignored them
and saw just enough
that he seems to attract women
who want to cook for him
or want him to picture them
with little or no clothes on...

oh wait a minute
that could be any woman

I have been sneaky enough
to receive a nickname
from my friends and coworkers
as a super sleuth
I can usually find out anything
I want to know
about someone
based on just a few comments
or none at all
if I search well enough
and I don't even have to spend
any money to get the scoop
on someone

Sneaky Sleuth is true
I can be
and have been
but not usually
anymore
unless I am under suspicion
that I should be suspicious

So...
when Tater
showed his true colors
as a sleuth in his own right
by hacking into my email
and from there
found this blog

I was/am furious
and at the same time
I did understand it
to a certain extent
I understand the curiousity
I loathe the deception
I understand the idea
that it would be difficult
to think I would know
that someone was reading

I loathe the thought
that I am not smart enough
to know someone was reading
or hacking into my info

I was smart enough
to ask
while we were in Vegas
and I was checking email
on his laptop
if he would be able to save my password
and he lied
he said no
when he fully knew
that it would be saved
and he would have access

I wasn't smart enough
to see through the lie

and now
now I know
what he has read
and when
and how he got here
since I had not even hinted
at my moniker
or what blog site
or anything
as instructed
by Walker and others

I didn't see it coming
I had no idea
he would use my email
to find my blog

which it doesn't bother me
for him to read now
I have said only good things
until today
and I won't apologize
for Mr. Duvall
to anyone
or even justify him

It just is
until it isn't anymore
and I don't know when
that will be

then I come home
to a son
that chose
to take his day off
to lose 100 dollars somewhere
after getting drunk
on a pint of Jack Daniels
that he paid someone to go
into the liquor store
next to his job for
and when I got home
after a great happy hour
and a disturbing conversation
on the phone with Tater
I found him passed out
in his bed
with the empty bottle
and the drawers in all my
dressers, chests, beside tables
open
who the fuck knows
what he was looking for
all I know
is that
I am tired of being
fucked over
by those
who claim to love me
and care for me

not all
but 3 people
in the last month
one who I work with
is the other
but I am really not up
for talking about that
I just am tired

tired of having people
who claim to be my friend
treating me
in a way
that does not
in any way
resemble what I call
a friend
a lover
a son

so Amy is singing
a song
that epitomizes
how I feel
screwed over
just as she screwed over
the man she loves

I guess I can't say
I wasn't forewarned
by Tater
he did tell me
he was no good

and now,
I just don't think I can
I don't think
I can
let it go

even though
part of me wants to

part of me knows
it was better
to find it out now
than it was
to get sucked in
any further
and find it out
in a much worse way
later on...

I am really
so...
flabbergasted
I keep thinking
I know I am upset
and at times
I am more upset
and others
I laugh and wonder
if I am really
over reacting

I think that comes from
being screwed over
so many times in life
that it is now
just part of life for me
and I expect it

that is terrible isn't it?