Fish or Cut Bait

My best male friend, RJ
tells me
to Fish
or cut bait
when I am struggling
to decide what/when/ why
about a man
in my life
what is it I like/ don't like
when do I decide if I want to
be more than a date or two
here and there
why do/don't Ilike him
well enough to roll in the hay with him

and RJ gets tired of me asking
for advice
or why men do the things they do

so I have taken this whole new view
of men
and their role in my life

sure I am lonely
come to find out
so are the men I meet

some just want someone to eat a meal with
so they don't have to eat alone
some just want to cuddle on the couch
and have the touch of a woman close by
some just want to have sex but no ties
or strings
some want good conversation,
intellectual stimulation in the form of music
and some think they know what they want
but when it comes to talking about it
they really don't know
for sure

The way in which I have chosen
to throw myself
back into the lion's den
is to throw my fishing line
back into the deep water
where there are all kinds of fish
swimming around
all mixed in together
and all very different
at least in how they appear
like sharks and clown fish

They are, in no particular order
Mr. Clean,
Doc, the Cowboy Fisherman,
the oilman, the hippie,
the great white hunter, and
the showman.

There are some other peripheral
players, but for the most part
I have met and wish I had gotten a chance
to get to know better, at least in some cases.

One, the oilman, invited me out
sat and talked,
things clicked,
we had a great time
drinking, watching football,
and having great conversation...
at least great enough to
have a great makeout session
in the front seat of his truck

and then he disappeared
into thin air
or was he a figment
of my overactive imagination

well at least I behaved myself
and didn't go TOO far
just far enough to know
I was interested in going further

so, burn baby burn
that oilfield trash

and what is really sad
is that I have no idea
why
he disappeared
without a word
after giving me his life history
business card
and discussing all the things
he wanted "us' to do
together
so yea,
to me
that is sad...

Mr. Clean
you guessed it,
he shaves his head
and he is the first guy
I have ever met
in a possible
position as a
"more than friends"
situation
so yea, it is sexy
he has a great laugh
he is complimentary
but he is just coming out of a marriage
so he just wants to cuddle on the couch
and watch tv
the only kind of relationship
he thinks he is interested in
is a NSA buddy
if you get the drift
but hey
I like cuddling on the couch
and I like his company
so
that is an option


The hippie cracks me up
(yes, long hair, and reminds me
of John Lennon, only cuter)
he is nothing if not persistent
but has been nothing more than
a pure gentleman
he is in need of conversation
and he happens to like me
so it works
he is very sarcastic
and cracks jokes
and I like that
He thinks of things I would like to do
and then asks me to do them
and I like that
and it is strictly platonic
which is a given
and I am ok with that
for now.

Doc likes jazz music
and good movies
and great food
We have had the best meals
and he took me to PF Changs
which I love
The jazz concerts have been great
The new restaurants were great
I asked him to a movie
and it was good
so we have been having a grand time
I can't tell for sure where he is coming from
but I think he does want more than just sex
and I keep wondering why I am holding back
on that, and on thinking it is more
than very casual
and it hit me
he is planning on moving to New Zealand
within a year
and as much as I want to go there, I know, I really
KNOW
I won't go there to live.
so is there any chance in that?
I don't know
but he is calling
DAILY
and he has a pool and a hot tub
so
how can I pass that up?
A goodlooking man
paying good attention
with water fun to boot
I can't pass that up
but I do know
in the back of my mind
it will fall apart and soon
because he wants to live on the other side
of the world

The showman is out of town
after a brief meeting
we had a great meeting
but he is out of town
so ... that is not
definable at the moment

The best is left for last
the cowboy fisherman
invited me out for a dance
in an old dancehall
in the middle of nowhere
we danced and he was good
at least in my rusty dancing feet
he was great
and I liked his mannerisms
and his smile
and his voice
and I did three really dumb
"Blonde" things
and he laughed them all off
it was great
He left me clever voicemails
he gave me trout fresh from the sea
we cooked up a great dinner together
and he laid the ground rules
he was looking for some fun
nothing serious,
just a cuddle, a dance
a roll in the hay
and I was in agreement
we talked football
food, fishing on the coast,
his story or history or baggage,
and I told him a bit of mine
and tried to make sure
he knew that I am all for
supporting a man in his endeavors
whether it be a regular roll in the hay
or catching the trout that breaks all the records
he went fishing this last weekend
he discussed going dancing with me
this next weekend
but I haven't heard from him
for a week,
and I told the muse,
I think the cowboy fisherman
must have drowned
while out catching
"the big one"

well, she said
he's bait now....
*hee hee hee*
yeah,
when it comes to fishing or cutting bait
I must be cutting bait
for some reason
it is not time for me to fish
or it is past time
I am not sure
so I cut that bait free
even though
once again
I was really enjoying him
and it is sad to not know
what it was that made him
disappear at sea