Salmagundi

or

Weird Day and Weird Shit


Last night Amused Muse and I went to the VFW and drank... I had it in my head that I should not just have my usual Parrot Bay Coconut Rum and Diet Coke but that I should make my favorite drink...

Poolside- Parrot Bay Rum, Capt. Morgan Spiced Rum, Blue Curacao, Pineapple Juice, Orange Juice and a splash of Sprite.

So I splurged and bought the additional spirits and juices.

It obviously does not take many of them to get me plastered. I only had one and then returned to my tried and true, PB and DC.... too much hassle for me right now... I am doing good to get my clothes not to clash and my shoes to match each other, with no concern of whether they go with what I am wearing or not.

The idea for the poolsides stem from our recent situation with our favorite pool. Our pool passes (virtual/real... you be the judge), have been revoked due to circumstances beyond our control. We had really gotten attached to that pool and of course to the owner... but WTF Shit Happens.

Anyway, it is one thing for my pool pass to be revoked, but Amused Muses... well I felt bad. So I stopped at the local Big Lots Store and bought a pool for her.

Ok, ok, so it isn't really a "pool"... it involves water, and it would be good to have while in the back yard sunbathing. It was a cheap version of a slip and slide... and a fun noodle, just to make her laugh... yesterday was a hard day for her, due to personal matters and it being an anniversary of the loss of her mother, so we both could use some light and breezy cheering up.

So what better to go with our pool than Poolsides...? Well it was the thought that counted. She drank beer...lol I am not a beer drinker.

Then we headed out to our favorite spot to sit, drink and be merry, the VFW. We had a good time... sat with our favorite regular, Mr. Keeper of the Beer, and tried to pretend all was right with the world... he is one smart cookie, he knew I was sad, even without knowing any of the shit that was going on with me. I didn't tell him either, and when Amused Muse and I arrived back at her house, we sat out in the yard for a few minutes and admired the stars, Big Dipper, wispy clouds and talked a bit... then my cell phone announced

You have a new message....

I opened it up to find a text message from Mr. Keeper of the Beer, that said ...

Tomorrow will be better...

awww how sweet.... that was quite a nice gesture... from a really nice guy that we talk to everytime we are there :)

Then we went to bed... it took me quite a while to fall asleep and then the next think I knew it was 3 am, then 4am...

Yes, I woke up every hour.... thinking about those things that won't leave my thoughts.... knowing that I have no control over anything other than how I choose to move on with my life and put myself back together...

The freaky thing was that when I finally gave up and got out of bed at 7 am, I could remember all the dreams I had last night...

which all were around the same theme... confrontational people coming up to me and wanting information... all the while I was looking at the face, to see what it looked like, because even though I know the person, I don't "know" the person confronting me... and I, out of morbid curiosity want to see their face.

Of course my response was not a diarrhea of the mouth of what truly went on that I was party to, but a simple statement of

You don't want to have this conversation... you really don't want to have this conversation...

so even in my dreams, I am unable to do what once would have been no big deal to me, no skin off my back, but now...

somehow now I know that it would do nothing but make me angry, cause more problems, and in the end I would feel bad that I hurt someone I love so dearly, obviously with an unconditional love that I have not felt for anyone else, not even my own children... now don't get me wrong, I love my own children unconditionally, but not in this way at all....

but those dreams... those dreams were quite disturbing and made me feel like I was the one who was ... was... "the bad girl"... and I am sorry, I wasn't... but I still feel like I was the enabler, and that is probably why I feel like I was the bad girl...

I am trying my best to stop drinking Diet Cokes in the morning, and today I "tested" a replacement that is an herbal tea with lots of caffeine in a bottle... for when I am on the run...well let's just say that it put a whole new meaning to the term "on the run" this evening...

I was bitchier than usual this morning, but I think that was not just due to my craving of a Diet Coke burning the back of my throat or the fizz tickling my nostrils.

I am still having panic attacks, but they are waning as are much of my other symptoms... so Mr. Counter of the Beer beware...lol...

I started reading one of my many books on my bookshelf I haven't read and there were some really good lines in it, that I may post on in the future. I had a good bit of time to read before Amused Muse stirred this morning.

Then we proceeded to put her bathroom back together after she had painted it last week. We had a good laugh over our terminology about rescrewing the brackets for her curtain rod back up...

it would make a great post for Walker to read on my Friday Fantasy Post on Bennu 2.

You screw that one and I will do this one.

Is it in yet?

Did you find the hole?

Are you sure you are in the right hole?

Did you put it in the top hole or the bottom hole?

Where's your rod?

Man, I screwed the wrong hole, I did the bottom hole and you did the top hole... now we aren't even.

Ok, rescrew the top hole... there isn't one there? Well then make one... Is it hard to screw without a hole?

Ok, now that is a straight rod.

and yes, people we were laughing our heads off and they were in the gutter... but it took the monotony out of the task... next we are going to rewire the switches and outlets, replacing the beige hardware with white hardware... that should be fun...

Then we started peeling the wallpaper border in her kitchen off. I was on the stepping stool for over two hours, spraying, peeling, washing, scrubbing, and will have at least that long tomorrow, if not 2 hours longer before we are finished. It will look so much better after we paint it. I am helping her and then she is going to help me paint a wall in my living room. That is a few weeks away though I think.

For payment she bought me dinner at a local Chinese restaurant and as usual, here is my fortune... I must say, when I add the ending, it is much more intriguing than when I don't...

New financial resources will soon become available to you.... in bed

I guess I will dream that I win the lottery? hmmm... what do you think?

then we watched two Sex in the City episodes and she has gone to take her bath and go to bed, and here I am, after having my only carbonated soda for the day mixed with some rum... two drinks I can get out of one can of diet RC cola (not as much caffeine in the evening) which I savored every mouthful and every swallow... yes I swallowed...

give me a break, I need to have some fun where I can find it.