You Piss Me Off and then, You Make Me Smile

I have much to write
there are 4 or 5 posts
floating around my cerebral vortex
waiting for the moment
I go
AHA
that is how I will write it

but the one that came to me
via the US postal service today
cannot wait

A box arrived,
with a card
and dark chocolates
and a t-shirt that says

Every day of my life
I am forced to add
another name
to the list of people
who piss me off

but you need some background:

There is a man
there is a man who
I have had a crush on
for quite some time
like over 2 years

you know how it is
a man catches your fancy
in my case
by his writing abilities

there is nothing sexier to me
than a man who writes well
and I think that is because
if he can write well
he can do other things equally well
if you catch my drift

so this man has shown me
he can write well

when I first met him
there was much controversy in his life
and he was upset
and hurt
and many others
were paying him so much attention
I didn't think
I was making any impression at all

we talked
we laughed
we commiserated (sp?)

I was too timid
to let him know
that when he wanted to date
or consider dating
I wanted to be considered
a prospect
and then
someone beat me to the punch

and after I thought about it

you know,
he reads my blog
he knows all
from what I write
he has seen me broken hearted as well
and miserable

so, maybe that isn't
a good idea
to let him know
how interested I am

so I kidded around
that I wanted to be the next in line...
when in reality
I didn't want to be next
I wanted to be the only one
in line

but I let it go
even though
I didn't want to
I didn't see any way
that I would be considered
a possible mate
by this good hearted man
with the tough exterior

We talked often for a long time
we talked on the phone
we talked online
we talked through our writings

and little by little
we stopped talking
he would ask why I hadn't buzzed him
of late
well honey, you aren't buzzing me
are you?

and then
the last few months
we have hardly talked at all
and that has pissed me off

he drops by
every once in a while
to see what I have been up to
but he doesn't say much
besides the cordial hello
and Merriment of the holidays

I found out he has seen a friend of mine
and spoken to her
and I was pissed

he didn't come to see me
or wish me Happy New Year
but he did make a special attempt to see her
and not me
he pissed me off again

so I let it go
I have filed away my
crush for this man
because it is obvious
he is not interested in me
as anything more than
a friend from a distance

and today
a box came in the mail

it perplexed me
I wasn't expecting a box
in the mail

I saw it was from him
I was more perplexed

he won't say hello
but he sent me a box
of great goodies

I read the card
It was polite
and benign
when I was hoping
it might be
more "enlightening"

so more perplexion

and then I read the
t-shirt
and I laughed so hard
he made me laugh
he made my day
he was thoughtful and kind
and I still wish
there could be more

yes, I have been pissed
esp. at him
and yes,
people do piss me off
on a regular basis

but today,
today he made me smile

He is a good man
and he knows I love
surprises in the mail

Maybe he will be surprised
one day
when I show up
in the post...