Just a Thought or Two

Hmmmmm
well I was laying in bed
for over an hour
in the middle of the night
wide awake
after sleeping well
for 3 or 4 nights
and after several weeks
of fantastic
NON insomniatic sleep
and man....
laying there
thinking I will go back to sleep
and not keep thinking
and rethinking
the turns my life is taking
or rather not taking

but it ain't happening
so I get up
to see who has been trying to read
a blog I haven't posted to
in days

and no, I don't know who most of you are
but I do know
that I didn't think I would ever
NOT write a post
for weeks
and yet, here we are
I feel I have
much to say
and yet nothing to say

Here are the highlights
don't get too excited
they aren't very exciting

I went to the beach last weekend
I had a great time on the one
semi sunny day
I went to Rockport on the
rainy Sunday
and came home
feeling somewhat rested
and not knowing what I wanted
but definitely knowing what
I don't want....

Mr. Turnaround has
consistently been inconsistent
but is hanging in there
sort of
even came to see me a week ago
we had a great time
good banter
good spirits
good chemistry
but hey
it was a week ago
and I have had one phone call since then
and no email really to speak of
other than a response
to mine that said I would like to
do it again soon
and my definition of soon was
less than 10 days
to which he replied he would
like to, too
and we would
much sooner than 10 days

which is tomorrow
so... well I say tomorrow
when actually it is a day and a half away
since this is an insomniatic rant

I can now proudly say
that both of my children have
a highschool education

the oldest has the dream job
working for Ninetendo

and is bringing me a Wii for Mother's Day
I am excited
and surprisingly,
my friends and coworkers are jealous

He just called me not too long ago
to explain that he has a cubicle now
rather than a small cubby hole
and it includes a game cube and a tv
which he can play in between his calls

I never dreamt he would be
working a job that is so suited for him.
It will be good to see him
and
my other son finally got his driver's license today
he is helping out this week
when my mom has surgery

oh haven't I told you?
My mom is having her eyes "done"
no, not laser surgery,
plastic surgery

yeah, the woman with copd
who smokes like a chimney
and won't quit
can't walk 20 feet without huffing and puffing
but can afford to look years younger
is having her eyes done.

I understand why she wants to do it
it isn't the younger part so much
but to not have drooping eyelids

and yeah, I have them too
just like my grandad
but on him
they were so beautiful to me
they made his eyes smile....

and even though I am glad she can indulge herself
I am
obviously concerned about her well being
because of the other health issues

I will be there on Friday for a long weekend
to help with the beginning of recovery

and then I will return to nurse myself
back to health

I have fallen into a pseudo depression
that some days is really taxing
and others not so obviously present

at least not to me
but I think it is to others

I am ok, I just need to find a way
to not let it get the best of me

I have started looking for a place to live
further south
I mean much further south
not just the south part of town...lol
and that is my biggest clue
that I need to work on my depression
rather than run away from it
which I am so good at

funny, it always finds me again

not to worry, I am never "too" depressed
just enough to drive me
and the people around me
nuts

yeah I know, it is the insomnia speaking
so I will try to get some sleep now


Happy
Earth Day, Easter, Fiesta, and whatever other holiday has passed us by recently...