Happy Spring Break

I chose to come home
to see my mother
like a good daughter, I suppose

remind me
I am trying to be the good daughter
which, when I am the only daughter
is still a huge task

so the plane lands,
I get off, walk outside,
and find,
hmmmm it isn't very warm here
and I didn't bring any cool weather clothes
Fuck, that was smart
I thought that since it was warm
at my house
and my mother said it was WARM
here,
that it would be warm

Note to self:
her definition of warm is 50 degrees
my definition of warm is at least 75 degrees,
preferably 80

and on the lovely drive home
I see her weight is not better
and she chose to share some
information that later I am told
she was not going to tell me at all...

History for the reader: She has COPD,
she is a heavy smoker, she refuses to quit
and has gained upwards of a hundred lbs
since she had pneumonia about 4 years ago.

Ok, I notice she has new glasses
and I comment on them
you know, the "I see you have new glasses",

anyway, yes she had to get her eyes checked
to see if her eyelids were impairing her vision
because if they are, her medicaid will help pay

Pay? pay for what?

to have her eyelids done.
Oh, and the lung dr.? what did he say?
he said she should be on oxygen 24/7
instead of when she thinks she should
and that she could have the surgery.

She was trying to orchestrate it
where she could have it done while I am here
but it didn't come together.

will she wait till summer so I can be here

probably not, her cousin can help her
I shouldn't worry...

you know those are her words,
followed by
she wasn't going to tell me at all
because she knows I will worry...

Fuck, she is 73, can't get around
as good as she once could
and is trying to show me that
she can still cook and do things
that she really couldn't do a year ago

and I am not suppose to be concerned
that she wants to have elective surgery
so she will "look better"
and don't confuse look with "see"

and I need to go walk now,
in the less than warm weather...
guess I will work up another sweat and be ok...

Happy Spring Break