Just a post

I feel compelled to post,

though I've not a clue what about

so this is merely a rambling
mumbled mess... or so
I imagine it will be

Have I told you
how much I want
someone to send me
flowers on the first day of school?

I told my son
but imagine he will
have all his money spent
by then

I told my mother
who promptly told me
that she would rather
wait til she sees me
and take me shopping

well that would be nice
but she won't really "go"
she will hand me money
that she thinks is "alot"
but in reality might not buy
more than a shirt
and instruct me to drive
to Hick Town and get several things
that are really swanky
for me to wear

so all my avenues for flowers
have been traveled
with no success
so perhaps I will buy those flowers
myself...

Have I told you
that school starts tomorrow
and I brought stuff home to work on
over the weekend

I still need to make playdough
finish Homework notebooks
make a behavior management system
that involve plaster of paris
and flowers on dowels
in a galvanized tub

I am making two
One for me
and one for a buddy teacher

and she is cutting
the tennis balls
for my chairs
or rather
her father in law is

I also need to make
flower pens
write the weekly newsletter
and finish my lesson plans.

Yeah, not much of a weekend
I know,
but maybe, just maybe
I will sleep tonight
if I am ready

I also want to go shopping
for one new outfit to wear
tomorrow
but don't know if I will get to it.


Did I tell you
I picked my phone up
out of my purse
and it had
the white screen of death
I can't see who I am calling
or who has called me
but it will ring if someone calls
and I can talk
I can put in someone's number
on the keypad and
call them
so if I do go shopping
I will be stopping
at the Radio Shack
to see about another one
and then choose...
phone... or
new outfit
phone... or
feeling pretty
phone.... or
something that will last
more than 3 months

this is my 4th phone this year
that is ridiculous.

I can't keep a phone
why would I think
I could keep a man
lol

so yeah
No news in that area
still not dating
still not worrying about it
but every once in awhile
(usually when reminded
by some insensitive ass
who asks "why" I don't
go out on the weekend,
and where are all those men
from just a bit ago)
every once in a while
I think I would like to

then I think again
and say "no"
still not ready


although, I know
Mr. Turnaround
is back in town
and I have thought
of him as well
starting his new year

I just reflect on my mistakes
and how I don't want to
make them again

Passion has it's costs
Not being on the right page
at the right time
doesn't help

so even though
the thought of dating
crosses my mind
I have too much to take care of
right now
myself included

esp. since my son
is still here
and not looking like
he will move any time soon.

so those little
chill pills in my purse
that I was
taking
"as needed"
which was 1
in the last 2 months
has dwindled to 10
in the last week.

Stress
lack of sleep
too much to do
too little time
anticipation of financial obstacles
the end of yet aonther "tie" with my last husband
which brings mixed emotions
each time one comes up
although it is great
to be out from under them
it still brings me sadness

it doesn't really matter
how bad you want something
to work
relationship wise
you both have to want it
or be willing to give it

so that is all
just a post
sharing random thoughts
early on a Sunday morning
before I "officially" start
a new year
so tomorrow
is the start of something big

send your self flowers...

looks like I will be...

Oh yeah, I am all over that one
thanks mom

A New Leaf, Turning Over

I have worked all weekend.
I have cleaned out boxes that I haven't opened
in years... literally, some 2 years, some 3, and one
that I think had to be from at least 7 years ago.
I found fantastic things that I had forgotten all about.
I found things I had been wondering where were.
I found things I would have just as soon forgotten
and never been reminded.
There are only a few boxes, containers, hidey holes
that I have not gone through in my classroom. And by
the end of the week, they will be done as well.
My biggest obstacle in life is organization. As much
as I want to be organized, I am not... or I should say
I was not, but now I am.
The question is if I can maintain it, at least in my classroom.
I have other things that are types of organization
I am working on.
The most important and the one I am really excited about
is my new budget.
As I was cleaning out my desk today and re-organizing
I found my receipts for things purchased for the last two
years. I have spent my "entertainment fund" and more
on my classroom every month for over a decade.
Well that will cease and desist right now. When I have
to choose between school goodies, or my good time,
my good time will be winning, I assure you.
Anyway,
our official first day back is tomorrow.
I am not excited. I am, however, looking forward to having
a room that is organized and neat and clean. So the last
several weeks of preparing will pay off in the long run.

Due to the fact I have been working on my classroom
and my budget, my daily walk has fallen to the wayside.
But in the spirit of leaf turning, I am going to start back
tomorrow, right after school. I intend to walk every day,
but will be happy if I make it 4-5 times a week. The goal
is 5 times, but we will see. Then I can start writing again
on Underblog.

So, not only are there three big changes in my life occuring
at the same time. There is one that isn't. I am not dating.
I am not trying to date. I am doing ok with it. I am finally at
the point that it is ok if I don't. So, I am not pursuing it,
but if it happens, I am open to it. Guess you could say
I am just not looking. Everyone else around me seems to be
more concerned about it than I am. My son has fussed at me
more than once about not having any dates. Heck, he has
even started inviting me to go clubbing with him and last
night he had an extra ticket to a local venue and offered it,
but it wasn't the kind of music I like, so I declined.
So... a metamorphosis of sorts.

I would say, well that's all... but golly geez, that's a bunch.

To Do List

When I first started
this blog
Many days I wrote my
"To Do" list here
and then as I got it done
I changed the font color
but that was when
the background
wasn't my favorite
playground
so I won't be
changing the color
I am not sure I can
get it all done in a day
anyway
but tomorrow
is my first
"unofficial" but
"official" day
back at work
I was there every day
the last two weeks
either in
workshops
or working in my room
but tomorrow
is everyone I work with
who chooses to come
of their own free will
because it is
"strongly recommended"
that we show up

but enough about that
I am thinking
that now is the time
to create a new habit
and it is to make the list
on Sunday
try to get it done
but if I don't,
to choose one thing
to do each day for the rest of the week
till they are all done
since I woke up
to what my very young
co-workers would say
is the crack of dawn
I think I might make it
through most of it
without issue
but we will see

• Wash Dishes- my son gets out a clean glass for each drink, and since he has started making money, I have made a deal, if he buys I cook, and he loves homecooked meals- esp. mine, so there are dishes from dinner yesterday- bbq'd ribs, mashed potatoes, and boiled okra- and yes it was very good... today is pot roast with all the trimmings (DONE)
• Laundry- I tend to wait til everything I own is dirty to do my laundry, since I don't have washer/dryer hookups and go to the automated washers about 100 feet from my front door. I am trying to remedy that, I have several loads, but not as many as usual... it will be a job for the entire morning, that is for sure ( DONE)
• Clean the living room- it won't take much, mostly picking stuff up, dusting, and sweeping the floor (and the top of my desk, but that isn't as bad as it looks, most of it is trash or a bill I need to pay)
• Front Porch- my son moved home, and the front of the place looks like a trailer park. He smokes out there and leaves stuff out there, like it is an extension of his room. It is time to show him how I want it to look on a daily basis. Of course, I would like him to keep it looking that way, but we all know what will happen. (DONE)
• Clean the kitchen- which is the floor, stove and counter, after I do the dishes. I want to re-arrange the refrigerator since I have fresh veggies from the farmers market that I want to make sure I don't forget about and not eat because they were in a bag.
• Clean my bedroom- which is the chore that probably won't get finished. Recently switched the furniture with the other bedroom that my son is now in. Of course I had stuff in all of the drawers of both sets. So now I have all of the stuff out of the drawers of what I put in the room he is in, and the drawers in my room are full. I need to clean out and put away, in addition to washing my sheets and sweeping the floor... which will get done today (sheets and floor)
• Saved the best for last- the one I loathe- Clean the bathroom- bleck!!! I hate it, but I do like it when it is clean...

So if you feel like helping, come on over, if nothing else,

company is always good...

Farmers Market

I love it
I grew up in the country
on 5 acres of land
and we had a garden
a huge garden
of
okra
squash
cucumbers
watermelons
green beans
snap peas
jalapenos
green peppers
all kinds of peppers
tomatoes
not just your regular
Beefeaters Toms
but
cherry toms
pear toms
grape toms
and then romas

I love the yellow
pear tomatoes

and on 2 of the acres
we grew corn
and there was a large
peanut crop in another spot

we had chickens
and roosters
many different kinds
and I was so young
I don't remember
the kinds
but I would if I saw them

we had rabbits
I played with them
petted them
fed them

and then my dad
would string them up
and butcher them
in front of me
and save the skins
to be tanned later

we had a steer
that my dad
had intentions
of feeding
until he could be
made into steaks
roasts, and hamburger

the steer was like
a big dog
that my brothers
played with all the time

we had pigs
sows in fact
that my brother
raised as part of FFA
and we were out
in the cold one weekend
building a pig barn
so they wouldn't freeze
when they had their piglets

my dad had an old John Deere tractor
that he loved going out
and plowing
or dragging
railroad cross ties
to make his "ranch"
fence
with the crossties
as posts
and 2 x 12s
as the rails
it was gorgeous
when he was done
after 2 years of building it

we had winter wheat one year
it was fun to run around in
and hide from the dog
or mother or daddy
or my brothers

I had a pony
named Baby Doll
She liked to buck me off
(explains alot doesn't it? lol)
she looked like a welch pony
but she was only half welch
I don't remember the other half
but it was one that
explained her stubborness
and it wasn't a mule mix
she was very ornery
and loved to eat cucumbers
that had grown too big for us to eat
one day I gave her
a jalepeno
that had grown too big
and she whinnied
ran to the water trough
and put her head into it
up to her eyes

She had a colt once
and a few days after she had it
we had a storm
and the next morning
the colt was dead
my mother and brothers
buried it
before I could see
what had happened
I think the lightning scared
Baby Doll and the colt
and I think she got
caught in the electric fence
(pre-ranch fence)

all these memories
have been coming up
because I have been
shopping at the farmers market
for the last month or so
and the wonderful
taste of home grown veggies
and melons
have had me wishing
for a garden of my own

I have always like working outside
whether married or single
it was me who was the main one
who mowed, weed eated, edged, watered
and took care in general
of the yard
I have had huge flower gardens
and vegetable gardens
and the last few years
I have been in an apartment
and not had to mow a yard
in about 2 years
Some days
when I come home
and the mowers have been here
it is such a relief
that I didn't have to do it
and I like to brag
that I "mowed" that day
and that my friends should come
hang out in my freshly cut yard.
It has taken awhile
but part of me misses it
the feeling of a job well done
and sitting out in a yard
as the sun sets
watching the fireflies come out
and feeling like a kid
with great wonderment
and excitement at the sight
of each one.

Then again
a garden would be preferred

I hope I have that chance again
before I am not able to
get down and dirty
in the garden.

If not, I will shop
at the Farmer's Market
from now on...

Wonders Never Cease

Last Saturday
RJ called
sometimes we go to breakfast
on the weekends
and visit about
our lives
and the people in them

This last Saturday
was very much the same
until we are going to his truck
after breakfast
and he says
Oh
I need to get a gift
for (his girlfriend) and
I would like you to go along
to pick it out

Oh... I think, ok
I know a little about her
so I can help some
but he is so good at gifts
why does he need me?

but I say

Ok great, where would you like to go?
And it is a Texas Based Jewelry store
and he is getting an ankle bracelet
because she has been hinting at one

so we pick out a pendant,
he wants to get the earrings
that match it,
we wait our turn until
a salesperson can talk to us
about the chain
because we don't know
exactly how long it should be

He calls his daughter
who is about as petite
as his girlfriend
to get her to measure her ankle
She is
as I am
Math challenged

so she follows his directions
and gets out the metal measuring taped
and puts it around her ankle
and says
it is 3 and a half inches
he repeats it out loud
and I think
I may be math challenged
but I don't think that is right
I have an idea
that my big finger is 3 to 4 inches long
and if I bend it,
that would be the measurement
and if she is that thin
she is starving in Africa

so then we figure out
that there is a "lead" to where
the tape starts measuring
but we are still guessing
Now it is our turn
so the saleswoman
gets the chain out for us
and it is beautiful
and I am standing there
thinking

you know
I could have had this man
at one time
and look what I gave up
he truly is a gem
and I am so glad that she has him
and that he is still my friend

and we were talking about how
he was going to send the gift
with some flowers
to her on her birthday
in August
and the saleswoman asks
if he would like them wrapped
and he says no
and turns and tells me
that he thinks he will
just find a way to hang them
on the flowers or the ribbon
and that idea blew me away
what a good idea
but I said
well you are going to send her flowers
on the first day of school too aren't you?

and he said "of course, I have already got
that one planned"

and I had to walk away...
I am so proud to have a man
even as a friend
who is so thoughtful
and never ceases to amaze me
even after knowing him
over 2 and a half years
I hope he never ceases to amaze her
after 50 years...

see... there are wonderful men out there...

Ahhhhh... The Beach

The water
the waves
the sand
the pelicans
the sand pipers
the shells
the crabs
the breeze
the waves
the minnows
the suntan
the suntan lotion smell
my feet in the sand
the sun on my face
the wind in my hair
the water washing over my body
the waves crashing in my ears
the salty water in my mouth

I love it
I just love it

and now I have tan lines
to prove it

a much needed get away
for only a couple of days

what a difference
the beach makes
in my life...