Second Date Discussion With RJ (since he thinks I didn't reveal enough of myself in the last conversation post)

RJ: So you and Mr. Universe have a date Tuesday?
B: I don't know if it is a date or a park and grab
RJ: Park and Grab?
B: I left my jacket at his house. His message said the soonest he could get back to me was Tuesday.... what does that mean to you? Here, listen to the voice mail he left me...

(intermission)

RJ: Sounds positive to me, it might be a date.
B: Yeah but 5 days later? what is he doing in the mean time?
RJ: Maybe he went out of town...
B: yeah (and thinks "with some other woman")

silence...

B: I just think he is too perfect for me, I have good self esteem, but he has me questioning it... I am not as self confident as I come across most of the time. You see my insecurities more than anyone else right now, because I share them with you.
RJ: Fleeting glimpses, I get fleeting glimpses of them...
B: yeah, but in my head, they are constant. I am not comfortable with my weight... I feel like I am athletic, but some men have flat out told me I am fat, so that is what comes to mind when someone with the physique of Mr. U is around. I feel like I am not good enough. The thing is... he was a perfect gentleman.... he never even looked like it bothered him, much less said anything... so just like you, who thinks that some woman is going to say no if you ask her out again, I don't think he is interested in pursuing anything with "me" due to my insecurities.

RJ: yeah, but you shouldn't feel insecure.
B: Thanks, I appreciate the vote of confidence, and I am working on it.


B: Are you going to go out with E again soon?
RJ: I don't know, it just wasn't comfortable
B: what about the other one you went out with last week
RJ: I don't think she is interested...
B: why
RJ: I don't know...

ahhhhhhhh I am not the only one... dating sucks



COMMENTARY:

RJ, we all have insecurities, mine come from comments people in my past have made to me. I take things (words) very seriously, and the perfectionist part of me won't let me be "ok" or "good" enough at times.

Plus, I overthink things way too much... hence why my knee recovery was so poor, I didn't do things "automatically" and now I find that if I am wrangling 22 5 year olds up stairs, I climb them just fine, but if I am by myself, I think I have to limp due to my knee... I need to let go and let things happen more often...