Some Things are Just Plain Hard

Weekends with no plans
when all my friends are busy

Are Hard

Watching my broken hearted neighbor
as he fights with his lover
on the phone
and then comes over to my house
to cry on my shoulder

Is Hard (watching any grown man cry, gay or not just kills me)

Trying to get my self in the mood
to clean house
and cook meals
to make me like where I am (physically and mentally)
and make myself productive as a single person

Is Hard

Waiting
Waiting for others
like Mr. Turnaround
or Mr. Twix
to call and want to see me
without calling them

IS Hard

Mr. Duvall calling
and asking to see me this afternoon
and knowing I should say no
because I have so much to do for work
and to get ready for a big week
and wanting to see him anyway
I say yes, because I need that intimacy
and someone to hold me
so I feel like I am cared about
in some small way
but yes, because I know I shouldn't, it

IS HARD

Finding my hair
which is one of my best features
is falling out by the handfuls
on a daily basis
and I have no idea why

Is Hard

Waking up all by myself
in a wonderfully comfy bed
with soft sheets and new pillows
and trying not to wish there was someone next to me

Is Hard

Pretending everything is ok
when I talk to some people
when inside it really is not

Is Hard

Going to the doctor because I have
some lower right quadrant pain
and being told that I need to have
a sonogram of my right ovary
because there is a mass on it
and waiting til Monday to have that done
and waiting longer still to find out what it is
when I struggle with patience

IS HARD

Knowing it is probably just a water cyst
well that doesn't really make it any easier
but it should

So yeah, some things are just plain hard.... but I sure wish they weren't