Planet Alignments

Is it the holidays?

Is it the cooler (ok, cold) weather?

Is it my magnetic personality?

Is it my good self image and self confidence?

Just what is it that is attracting
all these men to me this month?

Never, ever, never in my life
have I ever had the opportunity
to go out with more than one man at a time.

Now I have 4, yes, 4, but at all different levels

The two I am going to discuss today
are Mr. Turnaround
and Mr. Sullivan (think Monsters Inc.)

I have known Mr. Turnaround longer
and yet, I think I have already seen more
of Mr. Sullivan

Mr. Turnaround is fickle
One day he is all about me
and others, it is like he has a black cloud over him

I think there is a drinking issue there
but I am not sure

Mr. Sullivan is attentive
funny, tells me wonderful things
that all girls like to hear
but
his best quality is also his worst
He is 5 years (more or less)
YOUNGER
than me

there is a maturity level that
well, it just isn't there

and sometimes,
IT IS GREAT

and sometimes,
It isn't so great.

Anyway, as you know
Mr. Turnaround says,
and did say Sunday night,
while briefly stopping by to invite himself
to stay over (which didn't happen, because I sent him packing)

"I really like my hands on you... but I really like your hands on me too... I can't decide which I like better..."

I think it is his drunken mantra
he smelled and tasted of beer when I kissed him
but said he hadn't had any in a couple of hours.
of course, I didn't buy it

and then
Monday
while driving around with Mr. Sullivan
I had the opportunity to drive
his Pickup
*It's a Texas thing, we went through a ranch
and he had to open a gate
so when we left, and I drove through the gate
and he shut it, I talked him into letting me
drive his truck

he sat
looking at me
with his hand on my neck across the seat
touching my hair, and neck
and he said

"I really like my hands on you."

right about the theme music to
The Twilight Zone
started playing in my head
and I expected him to to morph
into Mr. Turnaround

but he didn't
and I let it go
smiling
because
for the first time in my life
two men are really enjoying me
and I am enjoying them

although there is pressure
from Mr. Sullivan
who seems to think
we may be
an "item"
I am not giving into it...

Survival of the fittest
or
the planets will UNalign and they will
all fall to the wayside

it will all come out in the wash
and hopefully
my health will improve before then...

I am working on it, and I am ok

I also off all week and not going anywhere so I will be posting much more than I have recently.

Quick Update

All tests, cultures etc came back ok except I am borderline anemic.

Eat more red meat and potatoes.. well ok
if you force me

and the sonogram
was what they expected...
do nothing
even though it hurts


that's it

busy week
Thanksgiving with children at school
Holiday preparation for travel

3 men asking me out....

you know

the usual....

(ok so the three men is not usual, I will write an update soon.. . like Monday)

Some Things are Just Plain Hard

Weekends with no plans
when all my friends are busy

Are Hard

Watching my broken hearted neighbor
as he fights with his lover
on the phone
and then comes over to my house
to cry on my shoulder

Is Hard (watching any grown man cry, gay or not just kills me)

Trying to get my self in the mood
to clean house
and cook meals
to make me like where I am (physically and mentally)
and make myself productive as a single person

Is Hard

Waiting
Waiting for others
like Mr. Turnaround
or Mr. Twix
to call and want to see me
without calling them

IS Hard

Mr. Duvall calling
and asking to see me this afternoon
and knowing I should say no
because I have so much to do for work
and to get ready for a big week
and wanting to see him anyway
I say yes, because I need that intimacy
and someone to hold me
so I feel like I am cared about
in some small way
but yes, because I know I shouldn't, it

IS HARD

Finding my hair
which is one of my best features
is falling out by the handfuls
on a daily basis
and I have no idea why

Is Hard

Waking up all by myself
in a wonderfully comfy bed
with soft sheets and new pillows
and trying not to wish there was someone next to me

Is Hard

Pretending everything is ok
when I talk to some people
when inside it really is not

Is Hard

Going to the doctor because I have
some lower right quadrant pain
and being told that I need to have
a sonogram of my right ovary
because there is a mass on it
and waiting til Monday to have that done
and waiting longer still to find out what it is
when I struggle with patience

IS HARD

Knowing it is probably just a water cyst
well that doesn't really make it any easier
but it should

So yeah, some things are just plain hard.... but I sure wish they weren't

No News is Good News

Hmmm.... well... let's see...

where was I?

well I had the great pleasure of having
Mr. Duvall surprise me
last Friday
with an offer to come and see me
and stay at my abode
on Friday night

man I jumped on that (literally)
like white on rice
and it was a great night

sometimes I forget
how much I like
waking up in bed
next to a man

esp. Mr. Duvall

he had never come to my house before
so that was interesting
but everything went very well
and he even slept better than
he expected to
what little sleep we had

and then we went to breakfast
which was great as well

I am always happy to see him
and I always understand when he has to go


Oh and Mr. Turnaround? you ask?

well he was out hunting with his son all weekend
so that wasn't an issue
I saw him briefly Monday night
and I was sick
I have had too much fun
between Mr. Duvall and
Saturday night in Bandera
for Hunters Weekend
I contracted a nasty UTI

so he didn't stay long
he didn't say much
except make it clear
he didn't like it that I went dancing without him

ummmm but he hasn't asked me to go dancing

Tuesday he was invited to spend a leisurely evening
with me
but he declined
so I put the ball in his hands
and told him it was his turn

and Wednesday
when I finally broke down and went to the dr.
he called three times
then he went to a snack and drink party
and called me on his way to have some beers with friends
He had fun
and that is good

Wurst fest is this weekend
and I want to go

there are two other guys asking me out and
I am going to accept the newest invitations

I understand how busy Mr. Turnaround is
I am busy too
but when I have time to do something
I want to have someone fun to go do it with

and he is not available much
even though I think he wants to be

so here we are with
Mr Twix
and Mr. Froggy

in addition to Mr Turnaround

I won't explain where their names came from
but they are both nice guys
and since
nothing
"exclusive"

has come up

I believe boys and girls
the Umpire should shout

"PLAY BALL"
because
I am going to play the field

I am not going to be the wall flower.

But that is where I have been
and after today
probably won't blog about these guys much
unless it comes into
what the post is about

my lovelife is not exciting
but it is mine
and there is more there than there was
a short time ago
so I will start thinking of something
more worth your reading time

and remember
No News is Good News

Happy Happy Happy Dance

After a horrible
and I do mean horrible
day yesterday
I had a great day today

and it all has to do with Mr. Turnaround

Earlier in the week I offered a breakfast
cooked by me
for the morning of his choice
and he chose this morning.

He had called last night
and he had sent emails yesterday as well

and all were very cordial
and made me smile

While on the phone
he asked about my day

Oh it was horrible I said sweetly
and we won't be discussing it

and then this morning
he asked about it again

and I smiled and said
we could discuss it
when breakfast was over

and we ate
and talked
and I asked questions about the new sports season
and how it affects him
and his son

then we stood up
and he gave me a big hug
and asked
about my day yesterday

*heavy sigh

oh this is serious he says

yeah,
I replied

long story short
told him some things have been going on
that I am very upset about
and didn't know how much or how little
to tell him

his only question was
if it had anything to do with him

and I laughed and said no

and then he asked if he could help

yes, you can
I would like to see you more often

NOT a problem he replied

and I would like to be in touch via phone
more often, just checking in calls, or to say hi

NOT a problem he smiled

and then he added

and if you want to talk about what is bothering you
I am here to listen
and if not, I am ok with that too....

so the smile has been on my face all day
and I think things are finally going
my way
with a man that is a very good man

honest
loving
caring

and I am going to enjoy the journey

my patience paid off
and my intuition
was as right as I wanted it to be

for once.