Planet Alignments

Is it the holidays?

Is it the cooler (ok, cold) weather?

Is it my magnetic personality?

Is it my good self image and self confidence?

Just what is it that is attracting
all these men to me this month?

Never, ever, never in my life
have I ever had the opportunity
to go out with more than one man at a time.

Now I have 4, yes, 4, but at all different levels

The two I am going to discuss today
are Mr. Turnaround
and Mr. Sullivan (think Monsters Inc.)

I have known Mr. Turnaround longer
and yet, I think I have already seen more
of Mr. Sullivan

Mr. Turnaround is fickle
One day he is all about me
and others, it is like he has a black cloud over him

I think there is a drinking issue there
but I am not sure

Mr. Sullivan is attentive
funny, tells me wonderful things
that all girls like to hear
but
his best quality is also his worst
He is 5 years (more or less)
YOUNGER
than me

there is a maturity level that
well, it just isn't there

and sometimes,
IT IS GREAT

and sometimes,
It isn't so great.

Anyway, as you know
Mr. Turnaround says,
and did say Sunday night,
while briefly stopping by to invite himself
to stay over (which didn't happen, because I sent him packing)

"I really like my hands on you... but I really like your hands on me too... I can't decide which I like better..."

I think it is his drunken mantra
he smelled and tasted of beer when I kissed him
but said he hadn't had any in a couple of hours.
of course, I didn't buy it

and then
Monday
while driving around with Mr. Sullivan
I had the opportunity to drive
his Pickup
*It's a Texas thing, we went through a ranch
and he had to open a gate
so when we left, and I drove through the gate
and he shut it, I talked him into letting me
drive his truck

he sat
looking at me
with his hand on my neck across the seat
touching my hair, and neck
and he said

"I really like my hands on you."

right about the theme music to
The Twilight Zone
started playing in my head
and I expected him to to morph
into Mr. Turnaround

but he didn't
and I let it go
smiling
because
for the first time in my life
two men are really enjoying me
and I am enjoying them

although there is pressure
from Mr. Sullivan
who seems to think
we may be
an "item"
I am not giving into it...

Survival of the fittest
or
the planets will UNalign and they will
all fall to the wayside

it will all come out in the wash
and hopefully
my health will improve before then...

I am working on it, and I am ok

I also off all week and not going anywhere so I will be posting much more than I have recently.

Quick Update

All tests, cultures etc came back ok except I am borderline anemic.

Eat more red meat and potatoes.. well ok
if you force me

and the sonogram
was what they expected...
do nothing
even though it hurts


that's it

busy week
Thanksgiving with children at school
Holiday preparation for travel

3 men asking me out....

you know

the usual....

(ok so the three men is not usual, I will write an update soon.. . like Monday)

Some Things are Just Plain Hard

Weekends with no plans
when all my friends are busy

Are Hard

Watching my broken hearted neighbor
as he fights with his lover
on the phone
and then comes over to my house
to cry on my shoulder

Is Hard (watching any grown man cry, gay or not just kills me)

Trying to get my self in the mood
to clean house
and cook meals
to make me like where I am (physically and mentally)
and make myself productive as a single person

Is Hard

Waiting
Waiting for others
like Mr. Turnaround
or Mr. Twix
to call and want to see me
without calling them

IS Hard

Mr. Duvall calling
and asking to see me this afternoon
and knowing I should say no
because I have so much to do for work
and to get ready for a big week
and wanting to see him anyway
I say yes, because I need that intimacy
and someone to hold me
so I feel like I am cared about
in some small way
but yes, because I know I shouldn't, it

IS HARD

Finding my hair
which is one of my best features
is falling out by the handfuls
on a daily basis
and I have no idea why

Is Hard

Waking up all by myself
in a wonderfully comfy bed
with soft sheets and new pillows
and trying not to wish there was someone next to me

Is Hard

Pretending everything is ok
when I talk to some people
when inside it really is not

Is Hard

Going to the doctor because I have
some lower right quadrant pain
and being told that I need to have
a sonogram of my right ovary
because there is a mass on it
and waiting til Monday to have that done
and waiting longer still to find out what it is
when I struggle with patience

IS HARD

Knowing it is probably just a water cyst
well that doesn't really make it any easier
but it should

So yeah, some things are just plain hard.... but I sure wish they weren't

No News is Good News

Hmmm.... well... let's see...

where was I?

well I had the great pleasure of having
Mr. Duvall surprise me
last Friday
with an offer to come and see me
and stay at my abode
on Friday night

man I jumped on that (literally)
like white on rice
and it was a great night

sometimes I forget
how much I like
waking up in bed
next to a man

esp. Mr. Duvall

he had never come to my house before
so that was interesting
but everything went very well
and he even slept better than
he expected to
what little sleep we had

and then we went to breakfast
which was great as well

I am always happy to see him
and I always understand when he has to go


Oh and Mr. Turnaround? you ask?

well he was out hunting with his son all weekend
so that wasn't an issue
I saw him briefly Monday night
and I was sick
I have had too much fun
between Mr. Duvall and
Saturday night in Bandera
for Hunters Weekend
I contracted a nasty UTI

so he didn't stay long
he didn't say much
except make it clear
he didn't like it that I went dancing without him

ummmm but he hasn't asked me to go dancing

Tuesday he was invited to spend a leisurely evening
with me
but he declined
so I put the ball in his hands
and told him it was his turn

and Wednesday
when I finally broke down and went to the dr.
he called three times
then he went to a snack and drink party
and called me on his way to have some beers with friends
He had fun
and that is good

Wurst fest is this weekend
and I want to go

there are two other guys asking me out and
I am going to accept the newest invitations

I understand how busy Mr. Turnaround is
I am busy too
but when I have time to do something
I want to have someone fun to go do it with

and he is not available much
even though I think he wants to be

so here we are with
Mr Twix
and Mr. Froggy

in addition to Mr Turnaround

I won't explain where their names came from
but they are both nice guys
and since
nothing
"exclusive"

has come up

I believe boys and girls
the Umpire should shout

"PLAY BALL"
because
I am going to play the field

I am not going to be the wall flower.

But that is where I have been
and after today
probably won't blog about these guys much
unless it comes into
what the post is about

my lovelife is not exciting
but it is mine
and there is more there than there was
a short time ago
so I will start thinking of something
more worth your reading time

and remember
No News is Good News

Happy Happy Happy Dance

After a horrible
and I do mean horrible
day yesterday
I had a great day today

and it all has to do with Mr. Turnaround

Earlier in the week I offered a breakfast
cooked by me
for the morning of his choice
and he chose this morning.

He had called last night
and he had sent emails yesterday as well

and all were very cordial
and made me smile

While on the phone
he asked about my day

Oh it was horrible I said sweetly
and we won't be discussing it

and then this morning
he asked about it again

and I smiled and said
we could discuss it
when breakfast was over

and we ate
and talked
and I asked questions about the new sports season
and how it affects him
and his son

then we stood up
and he gave me a big hug
and asked
about my day yesterday

*heavy sigh

oh this is serious he says

yeah,
I replied

long story short
told him some things have been going on
that I am very upset about
and didn't know how much or how little
to tell him

his only question was
if it had anything to do with him

and I laughed and said no

and then he asked if he could help

yes, you can
I would like to see you more often

NOT a problem he replied

and I would like to be in touch via phone
more often, just checking in calls, or to say hi

NOT a problem he smiled

and then he added

and if you want to talk about what is bothering you
I am here to listen
and if not, I am ok with that too....

so the smile has been on my face all day
and I think things are finally going
my way
with a man that is a very good man

honest
loving
caring

and I am going to enjoy the journey

my patience paid off
and my intuition
was as right as I wanted it to be

for once.

Mr. Turnaround's Return

After 9, count'em
9 days of not seeing him
I saw him tonight
The muse even met him
and gave him the overwhelming
Thumbs up
and reminded me
that there will be no more bartering of men
and
a unconvincing "he's not my type" commentary
which I did not believe

I enjoyed his company very much
He told stories of his weekend and
what was new with him
but he didn't ask any questions
except how the costume party was
and I told the tales of the wild night
at the VFW
(yeah it was wild)

while he was here, my phone rang 5 times or more
one was Mr. Duvall
who I did call back
and his brother is very ill
probably dying
and he needed someone to talk to
he called while following the ambulance to the hospital
he only told me a little of what was going on
and asked if I would be around later

for you honey, I am here anytime
you have been too good to me for me not to

so I am waiting for that phone call back

then some one that my son in Seattle is subletting from
called for a reference
and she gave me some background on the guys that he is renting this place with and offered to check on him whenever I had a concern
so that was nice

and Mr. Plumber,
who tried to play me
and the Muse
this summer called

how in the hell he still had my number
I have no idea
his mother is very sick
he needed someone to talk to
so he called me

WTF

Hello I am Bennu
and I am the one
whose shoulder you can cry on
who will take care of you when you are sick
who listens when you talk
and
you can take full advantage of
emotionally anyway.

ok so I am exaggerating

I am glad Mr. Duvall has me to talk to
and that he calls and confides
in me
and I like having him to call and confide in as well

He doesn't let me feel bad
he reminds me
that real men don't feel sorry for themselves
and if they do
they don't let others know about it

and tonight
when he called back
he asked
"Tell me your problems again.."

"Oh no you don't, I told them to you Saturday night and I caught hell, tonight it is your turn and I will listen."

and no
Mr. Turnaround didn't even hint
at when I would see him again
and

I, suprisingly, I know, didn't ask.

My favorite bartender told me tonight
that any thing I say
close to what I want to convey to him
would run him off in a heartbeat
so I am waiting

don't faint
but I am waiting

PATIENTLY

ok so maybe not so patiently
but I am waiting

What I Did Last Sunday

A couple of weeks ago
I was watching a show
called
Texas Country Reporter
which is kinda "hokey" sometimes
and sometimes they have a place
or something that looks really cool

This time it was something really cool
They were talking about this place
that offered Canopy Tours

Canopy as in
the canopy of a tree
and tour
as in zip lines
from one tree to another
about 40 feet off the ground

Last month was RJ's birthday
and I had not done anything for him yet
so I called him up and asked
when he had a free day, because
my idea was going to take about a day

He said Sunday. So last Sunday
RJ and I went zipping through the air
between trees and
traversed across suspension bridges
and leaned out off the platform
with our harness holding us and no hands

and it was a great time.

I didn't tell him what we were doing until we were half way there
and he was excited
but not half as excited
as he was when we were done
he couldn't wait to go again
and really
neither can I
It was terrific fun

The best part was how much fun he had
and much he appreciated the experience as my birthday gift to him
the excitement in his voice
the way his eyes lit up when he talked to his girlfriend on the phone about it,

Priceless.

and I had a blast too...

E D

What does ED mean to you?

Is it a name, as in a horse? or short for Edward?

Is it EDucation?

Is it something you put after your name after you have your doctorial education or Masters degree in education?

My new friend, Mr. Turnaround
has this great answer for why things didn't go well
in his marriage
or have trouble with other people
and since he works with special ed students
he thinks these "problem" people
are
ED.

Now he didn't explain to me his definition of this
prescription or description of others
because I am also in education
so he
assumed I knew what he meant

and in my book
ED is Emotionally Disturbed

Oh Fuck,

I am ED

so I told him
I am ED

and of course he asked me why I said it

because I am

in my book we all are
to some degree

I mean

come on
I like to know when I am going to see him again

My emotions are a roller coaster
or in most minds

I am moody

but hey
at least I seem alive
and not a zombie
who has no personality
and I am
not so
ED
that I am off the charts
and need a padded room
(although, many days I wish I had one)

so

once again
he left
with no hint at when I would see him again

and I sat here
getting more pissed off
by the minute

I mean
this man showed up at my door on Friday night who didn't care if we went somewhere or sat here.
then he had a bright idea to go to the liquor store and buy stuff to make margaritas and I said ok, let's go... (ummm take note, I don't drink tequila, and he did already know this about me)
so we did
and came back with all the stuff
and stood in my kitchen and mixed them
I drank them anyway
and they were actually good
but I knew I would pay for it
and boy did I
but not in the way I thought I would

He drank way too much in a very short time (3 hours)
and the next thing I know, I am standing over him
outside
as he lost his cookies all over my front yard
in front of my neighbors
If he had long hair, I would have been holding it back
for him
then (30 + minutes later)
sat with him on the couch as he crouched over
with his elbows on his knees and his head on his arms
He was too dizzy to sit up,
much less sit up
so with wet cloth in hand
to cool him off
I am sat and and held and cooled him off for 2+ hours
and then we turned and I held him on the couch until I fell asleep and woke up at 3 am and made him
go upstairs and lay down so I could at least sleep
I mean, he wasn't driving home
he barely made it up the stairs

he slept it off
got up to go watch a football game his son was playing in
and got queazy when he drank some water and took some Tylenol.

It was not a fun evening.
He did, at least come come back
and eat lunch and talk to me a bit
but then left
just as much of an enigma
as usual
and I didn't take it well.

and then I wonder
why?

why do I care?
I am still trying to figure that out....

positive thinking? We are both trying to sabottage something that could be really great.... and he isn't much of a drinker.... as Walker would say "Goodie, more for me".

Halloween Parties

The muse has twisted my arm
ok
so she didn't have to twist very hard

but we are going to attend a Halloween Party

A Halloween COSTUME Party

and she has had a great time coming up with her costume

and everything I wanted to do
would have taken more preparation
and money than I have of time and money right now

so.... hmmmm I always went to parties
and dressed up
not that many years ago
on Halloween


I have been a
witch
Half Man / Half Woman
Scarecrow
Siren
Conehead (from SNL)
Gorilla
Pumpkin

and yes those are all as adults

oh and have worn a Toga or two

but renting
or making
I can't do

so what do I have still

the Gorilla,
that's not sexy

the conehead and cape

hmmm maybe

oh wait

I can wear my wedding dress
(which I love and know I will never sell or wear again for such a reason)

and I have tennis shoes

yeah

that's the ticket

The Runaway Bride

Now... my mom is shipping it
It will have a most disgusting odor of smoke
when it arrives

and I will not have it cleaned

it will be smokey where we are going...

but can I fit into it? that is the question..

It will be fun to see
I don't think I can just yet
or even by Halloween
but the muse
is a whiz
as a seamstress so
she will come to my rescue

and I will get to feel as pretty
as I did the day I got married
and for that

any party is worth it...

TGIF: I have a date with Mr. Turnaround

This week has been a stressful one where work is concerned
I am really glad it is over
Or at least nearly over

AND I have a date with Mr. Turnaround
I am really excited about that
since neither of us
has to get up early in the morning
so we don't have to
worry about going home and going to sleep
so we aren't zombies
tomorrrow

I don't know what we are going to do
but I do know
that he has to be at the highschool ball game gate
so that students of the Jr. High can get in for free
and RJ thinks I should surprise him there
but I am not so sure

I look forward to Fridays
but they seem to be
my melt down day

I am so exhausted from working my ass off all week
that I just melt down and veg out
when work is over
or I fall asleep on the couch

so I am not so sure
I will be much fun
on my date
but I do know
that I am really looking forward to seeing him

and he even said that he would go
to the haunted house with me

that's a big plus

so we will see

The World Series Starts Saturday
I know that he will be watching that
and I might get offered a ticket to watch it with him
if I don't distract him

hmmmm not even during the commericials?

Dang...

yes I am still giddy, yes even RJ,
who saw me Wednesday,
says I have that stupid grin

I hope I don't get my heart broken again
at least not soon
because I am finding it harder and harder
to open my heart to someone
each time

but so far
this time
is all good

no dishonesty
or lying (that I know of)
and pretty straight forward

although hard to read at times

Hot Date

Mr. Turnaround called this morning

We were chatting about our weekends.

Then he asked what I was doing right then,

(honestly, I was checking email to see if he had written) and I said "I am just about ready to go to work"
and we talked some more
and then I asked him what he was doing

"Driving"

"Where are you going at ten after six? You are never at work before 7:45... "

"Thought I would come by and wish you a good day before you go to work"

AHHHHHHH How Sweet....

I was so pleasantly surprised...

and then
then I got a hot date for tonight... woo hoo

came home early to walk and clean up a bit...

have to go now

Hope you know how big the grin on my face is right now...

and has been all day.

A Brand New Day

Eventually an electrician came
to take care of my smoldering outlet

whoa, that could be the first line of a fantasy post
but it isn't.

He really did come and fix the outlet in the dining room. It only took 6 hours to get a response out of the management...

the good thing about renting
someone else has to pay the electrician

the bad thing about renting
you have to wait for the management to get things done
and hope they do it right.

anyway, afterwards the Muse and I
went on a progressive jello shot geocaching tour near my house. Everytime we found a cache, we took a jello shot. That was a great, cheap, fun afternoon, then we came home and I made stew and she went home to her house, because we couldn't sit outside when it started raining.

It is still raining at my house, but that is ok,
I am going to see Mr. Duvall this afternoon
so that I can enjoy my rainy day to the fullest extent.

It is a brand new day, I am in a much better mental state and I am looking forward to a great afternoon.

I Started a Scary Fire

First of all

Breakfast was great on Thursday
but no prospects on when
the next date will be
I am trying to be patient
but I find
I am more impatient
each time
and I like knowing when I will see
someone I really like again

but again, I am trying to be patient

Now
on to the shit

I have had 3, count them, 3 shitty days
I have taken them harder
that they truly were
but to me
all three (and this is just the beginning of the third)
have been shit, pure shit.

Little things that I usually could just let go
drives me nuts
like the slowest checker on earth
at the grocery store
or the landlord
putting a note in my box stating
I hadn't paid my rent, when I had
and I had a duplicate copy of my check
and a photocopy of the check after he cashed it
or deadlines at school I am not sure I can make
or wishing a man would call when he hasn't
(he did, but he didn't make another date yet, I am still working on that patience thing)
or the fact I watch only one show these days
on TV, although there are several I like
I make it a point to watch Gray's Anatomy
and this week it really hit a little too
close to home and that pissed me off
or parents at school throwing a fit
because someone took their child's quarter
and I didn't give it back to him,
because another child claimed it
The substitute teacher was there
I was attending a waste of time ESL training

so you see that list could be longer
but wait
IT GETS BETTER

I have been contemplating where in my house
to put my prized antique floor lamp
and I finally had a revelation
of where would be the perfect spot
in my dining room
so I moved the water dispenser
to the kitchen
where the metal shelf of canned food was
and moved the shelf next to the stove
and the folding chairs to the hall closet
(so you know there was prep work to be done)
and then I moved the lamp
and got down on the floor to see where
behind the Possum Belly Cabinet there was an outlet
to plug it into

and of course
it was right behind the leg of the cabinet
so I shifted the cabinet,
which is full of my prized dishes
and crystal
and plugged it in
got up and tried to turn the lamp on
Nothing
Nada
Nope
so I get back down on the floor
ready to unplug it from one spot
and into the other
to see if that helps
and the outlet is melting
before my eyes
I quickly unplug the lamp
and watch to see if the hole in the wall
gets any bigger
and think

Shit girl, you could have done this after most humans
are up on Saturday Morning
but no, you do it at 6 am
after you have already been to Starbucks for Chai Tea
and you can't call anyone
except the fire dept.

wait
that might be fun
no, quit that

ok, so I will call the landlord
and get the answering service
and I am sitting here,
blogging
waiting for them to call back
the hole isn't any bigger
but it is warm against the wall
so I think it is smoldering in the wall
but I am watching it...
with the other lights on
like an idiot
but I don't know where all the breakers are

RJ is suppose to have breakfast with me today
so we will see
what he thinks

anyway
then I look at my horoscope for the day
which has been right on for several days now

and it said:

If it's at all possible today, avoid driving or operating any heavy machinery. If this sounds like a prescription label to you, then just think of it as a prescription for your day. The big problem will be your energy -- it will not be dependable. Expect mood swings that send you off in unexpected directions. Your mind will wander with little (if any) provocation. Recent revelations on your mind may keep you from fully focusing on the tasks that demand your attention.

Yeah,
and dammit
I want to know when I get to see
Mr. Turnaround again
but I am not calling him or emailing him

and why didn't I read that before playing with electricity?

Did I Tell You?

Did I tell you that I met a really good guy?

Did I tell you that we have a breakfast date tomorrow morning?

Did I tell you it is a full service breakfast, with a waitress (statistically, it will be a woman wait person) ?

Did I tell you I am really giddy over him?

Did I tell you that he called tonight, to let me know
how the games ended up (yes, he is a coach)?

Did I tell you that since he called I have been grinning
ear to ear?

Why? Because he seems to be a really good guy, he asked about my day, he surprises me by telling me that he is anxious to see me as well, and, and, and
the kissing and hugging are fantabulouso mucho mucho.

AND he is going to be 10 minutes earlier than we discussed previously, so that I can get my kiss quotient in.... (I didn't word it that way with him<>

and I have to tell you, because the people I work and play with are really really tired of me telling them....

but I know what it is

I know they are just jealous

they don't have that school girl crush feeling...

even if they are married and love their spouses

they feel the way I felt
when RJ and his girlfriend
talk about each other
it is syrupy and if it isn't happening to you
almost disheartening, even though you wish the best for them, you don't want to be subjected to the "mushy stuff"

but

I do have have to tell you...

I have a breakfast date tomorrow, and I am not sure
I will be able to sleep, I am so excited...

*she scrunches her shoulders and smiles like a little girl who is excited about Santa Claus coming to her house...

yeah, it is that bad

and I love it...lol

have a great day, mine is going to have a great start...

Another Great Date

I cannot wipe this
shit eatin' grin off my face

Mr. Turnaround

ahhhhh.....

it was a great date

trains, cacti, the moon, the crisp clear evening air

and a man
that
apparently finds me
just as intriguing as
I find him

I did a little more
research
on his kissing abilities

since the other night I only got one

and over the course of 2 hours

we did some record breaking killer kissing

and his job?

He said it was his job to put a smile on my face
and keep it there


Give that man a raise,

he is doing an outstanding job


wonder what kind of work he can do in other departments.... time will tell



oh and guess what....

(she grins)
I have a breakfast date on Thursday
not a hit and run breakfast
but a full service breakfast
with a booth to sit in and
neck while waiting for food

ok ok
I wish I could sit in public and neck
but I might not be able to

we will see...

Have a great day... I already am
and will be smiling for at least a day.

Chocolates, Chocolates, Nanar Nanar Nanar, I got the Chocolates

Thank you Walker

This is

OFFICIALLY

the best week I have had
in a very. very long time

first a great new man
then a long awaited
fantasy come true with the best man I know
and then
I come home to a box
of decadent chocolates
in my mailbox

They are wonderful
I couldn't rip the package open fast enough

and just when I decided
my name wasn't on the chocolate list anymore

I was totally surprised

See.... good things do come to those who wait....

again,
a thousand times
thank you

you put a smile on top of the smile I had
when I got home...

I am in Nirvana
so

of course

a trip to the pool is in order...

after one more chocolate decadence