A Futile Lesson in Patience

In early July
I was informed
by certified letter
that my presence was
REQUESTED
on Monday, August 7, 2006
in a courtroom
550 miles from my home

So...

I made plans to be in the area
for a WEEK
so my mom and I
could make a trip
to New Mexico
to shop for some
new jewelry
to go with some I have
and hopefully
have a cool night or two
and some great drives
and talks...

I buy the pricey plane ticket
I call and tell her
that I have made the plans

then she squelches it
saying she didn't want to go
so here I am
with a week just hanging out
which is fine
but a bit disappointing

esp. given how that keeps happening to me

so I had a bad three days
before I went
I felt it was just not going to be
the trip I would want it to be
and the timing
with my classroom calling my name
to work and prepare
so next week won't be so bad

I even made sure I could fly home
on Monday, the 7th
so I could be at work
on the 8th, so my principal
wouldn't look down her nose at me
even though it is an "optional" day
and the official first day is next Monday

RJ took me to the airport
Everything getting there is flawless
and uneventful

my time there, although stressful
at times
is good
seeing family
having good talks with my mom
hiking with my son
(I know I fussed, but really
we had great fun)
and even riding horses

Then... Friday afternoon
the call comes
My son's father informs me
that the court date has been....
CANCELLED
and all is forgotten
and apparently forgiven

So... a week
at home
at the cost of a ticket
the worst possible week of the summer

GREAT....
God is trying to teach me patience
I just know it...

So Monday finally arrives
Mom drives me to the airport
I have had a horrible day
Woke up knowing something was not right
but not sure what it was

I was moody, fussy, and
downright bitchy...

then I walk into the airport
to find
that my flight,
which is suppose to be in
2 hours
is delayed for tw0
more hours...
my connecting flight
will be long gone
so I will have to stay in
DALLAS overnight
and fly out at 6:30 am
on Tuesday and then go
to work
or fly to Austin
but how will I get home from there....

Long Story Short
I begged a ride with a woman
who talked her husband
into driving from SA
to Austin to get her
and her daughters,
so I flew to Austin
from Dallas with them
and then rode home.
Got to bed at 3 am
got up at 6:30 to go to work...

Needless to say, I did drink
3 diet cokes
come on folks the stress was killing me

and all that time in the airports
I had no reading material
(had checked both bags, thinking
I would not lug one around
on the connecting flight in the airport)

So I had a great deal of time
to think about
what the lesson God
could have possibly meant
for me to glean
from this experience

and all I can come up with is
paitience...
since it is really the lesson
I need to learn

but I believe it is futile
but time
time will tell
time heals all wounds
time flies when your having fun
time to go....

Happy Birthday Cake to Me

or

Where's My Dopamine?

When planning my trip back home to visit
my mother asked

is there anything special you would like me to make?
like Banana Pudding

but my reply was simple

but complex

(well if you know me,
you would understand)

I would like a birthday cake
just like Granny Bea (my dad's Mom)
made me when I was little....
was my reply

Granny Bea always cooked
my favorite meal
and baked me a chocolate cake

the odd thing about this request?

Your birthday isn't for nearly 6 more months
she retorted

I don't want to celebrate my birthday
I just want my cake, because there won't
be anyone around to bake it for me then...
and even though I like a good chocolate cake
I want one like Granny Bea made

which is my all time favorite

so she looked it up,
it is a hot water chocolate cake
from scratch
and she and I both baked it
on Wednesday
and today I ate the last piece


so I have had my birthday cake
and a dopamine fix
but i am sure
I have gained a pound or two
even with the walks
and hiking
and horseback riding

but it was wonderful
and I won't have another one

till.....

Thanksgiving
I want that instead of pumpkin pie

I mean,
if you give up desserts
when you splurge
have what you really want

right?

I would have posted a picture
but it would
just make you want some...

see I was thinking of you...lol

thank goodness tomorrow
I will be out
from under
the food temptation

Caching Hike Photos

Geocaching and the Geocachers I Cache With

There is a hobby I took up with my ex
before he was my ex
called
Geocaching

It is a high tech treasure hunt
if you are interested in knowing more
go to www.geocaching.com
and read all about it.

Anyway,
everytime I try to introduce this sport
to a new man in my life
it seems the whole relationship
goes to shit immediately afterwards

Honestly, I don't think it
has anything to do with geocaching
but it is quite disappointing
because there are several things I really like
in regards to geocaching,
which will now be referred to simply
as caching.

For example
I noticed there were several new caches
in the town I am currently in
and the surrounding area
that I have not done.
A few short months ago,
there were very few
so

I enlisted my 17 year old
to join me on a hike
in the local state park
that has several new caches in it
and two that my ex did with
my son, but that I did not tag along,
and I want to do them for myself.

Now, this child has been sitting
on his backside
inside
most of the summer
and I
I have been walking and
sitting in the sun
for most of the summer

I was equipped with
my hiking shoes
Camelbak full of water
Clif Bars
and a good base tan

he came in his steel toed shoes
one bottle of Dasani
and white
white
skin

granted he did wear a cap
but he always wears a cap

It had rained the night before
so I didn't know what to expect
when we got there

even though I have a year pass to the parks
in my fair state
I stopped and asked the ranger about the
rainfall
and trail conditions

the farther back in the park
the more rain they received

so we drive to the one I really want to tackle
the path is a lake (around here)
or a large puddle (where I live now)

so we went to plan B

We found an easy cache
off a well beaten path
and started on my way

Then I began to remember
why I don't esp. enjoy caching
with my youngest
He is all about getting down the path
as quickly as possible
he didn't traverse the
wet clay or puddles well
he complained about the
horse flies
which really liked him
(probably didn't shower recently)

and he left me way behind
until he came to the out cropping
of gypsum in the clay walls
which were really cool looking up close

I didn't see any lizards
which didn't surprise me
because when we started down the path
he practically yelled
Rabbit
and there was a cotton tail right there
I couldn't get the camera in my hand
much less ready to click a picture
before it shot away

it was like trying to be stealthy
with a 5 year old.

It wasn't happening...
and the rest of the hike was the same way.

The first cache we did,
was easy, it was right off the path
it was a cool walk
through a park I have been to
countless times
and yet I had not
seen this part of it before

so caching does take you places you
might not have seen otherwise
which I like

Then after much work to get
the red clay off our shoes
we picked another one to tackle

It was a 4 mile round trip hike
on a running trail.

I am thinking
hmmm running trail
probably pretty flat
and close to the front of the park
so dry...er

Ummm it was dryer
but it was NOT flat
I let the child (yes, like a 5 year old)
carry the gpsr
(global positioning system receiver)
and off we went.

He was so noisy,
still fussing about the flies
and then stuck the gpsr
in his pocket

so when I asked
"How much farther?"
he wouldn't let it reset before
telling me something outrageous

Long story short
We didn't find this cache
We hiked a half mile past it before he figured it out
and
I found out that I can hike more and
reasonably better than I could 3 months ago

As we were traversing this magnificent
part of the park
I thought of all the caching partners
I have had

You know,
Amused Muse and I cache sometimes
and really it works out fine
we work together
we stay together
we bounce ideas off each other
but we don't have time to get together
to go caching unless we plan it
in advance
and she has others to cache with that
are closer to her
geographically

My oldest son is great about
caching with me
he makes sure I can maneuver
over tough terrain
he doesn't just run ahead
like my youngest
or my favorite caching partner
(he isn't my fav because of his caching abilities)
but at times, my oldest doesn't enjoy caching
as much as I do

My ex was an ok caching partner
he tended to bushwhack too much
trying to travel
as the crow flies
instead of thinking of the best
approach
come to think of it
he did that a lot
in other areas too

LOL

anyway,
I like caching
I don't like doing it alone
that is how I messed up my knee

I wish I had a good caching partner
but then again
don't we all...

I am off to do some caching today
with no partner in sight
so it will be a solo trip

but it won't be in the park,
just moseying around town.

If you have questions or
want to know more, just let me know.

Bloggers and Expressing Yourself

When I first started blogging I met
two great bloggers
Roxxy and Alex Trex
Now,
I know little of either
and a great deal about both
Our time together was brief,
but we had a great time together
at a time
I believe
when we all needed to laugh
and have fun

and we did

Alex stopped blogging
because he cared too much
too much about what other people thought

now, granted
he is very attractive
in writing and wit
he is caring
and loving and
I believe
that we all
I mean, everyone who read his blog

had a crush on him....

yes, me too

but I hid it,

because I knew it would never be more
for one reason...

he had a list of what he wanted in a woman
and I didn't fit it
and he is much younger than me...lol

anyway, he had some stalkers
via internet
and it made his blogging life no fun at all

and so
he quit
then shortly after
Roxxy told a story from her life
that was very intense
and sad
and then she quit blogging

and in the months that followed,
at times, I missed them both terribly...

I missed the fun,
the made up new words,
like
edumacation

and sometimes I even asked
Alex Trex Where are you...


and then as my life turned to mush last spring,
he reaapeared
in emails to me
trying to cheer me up
which was great
but guys,
he doesn't mince words
and he
like RJ,
would love to get his hands
on the man who broke my heart
or at least give him an earful.

And then a few weeks ago

Roxxy appeared in comments
I am so glad you are back Roxxy,
I know it won't be like it was before
but I do read
and I am glad
you stop by to read me.

I don't know what has happened to Roxxy over
the last year...
but here, Roxxy,

without being too revealing,
is what happened to Alex Trex

as I know it.

He married the woman he had just met on a plane
when we were all blogging.
She fit the list
and from what I can tell,
via email and what her comments are
through his emails,
she is very good for him.

They are trying to prepare to have children
and this is sometimes a difficult journey,
but I know it will all work out.
They both still travel the world for work
and when he is out of country,
there is not much contact.

He still cares about total strangers
and asks for advice for them

Me? give advice, Fuck, I can't even handle my own shit...

but I still say what I think,
and he still doesn't mince words.

Another blogger
and he knows who knows who he is,
has recently contemplated giving up blogging
when given much
shit over his thoughts on the screen
and I would hate to not
have his wonderful stories
heartwrenching stories
trials
tribulations
and celebrations to share
through what he writes

so the way I see it,
if you don't like what someone is writing
and you don't like what you are reading
You have a choice,
don't read it
Move on
leave them alone

I have said time and time again
this is my blog
I will say what I wish
I may leave names out
due to other's requests
but
I will not stop writing
or hide
or move...

AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU...

I am glad Roxxy is back
I am glad that people do come here and read
sometimes more comments might make me
think more about my writing,
but other than that,

It is all good...

Express Yourself my blogger friends
Express yourself
and I will be here
to read and encourage
and I hope you will do the same.

As for the lurkers,
Welcome,
You are welcome anytime,
feel free to comment
or not.

Best of wishes to Alex Trex
and his journey through life
with a great woman by his side

I can't wait til there are baby pictures,
next year or the next,
but you better send them.

Tomorrow Will Be Better is what I was told...

I hope so...

I am ready for things to be better

maybe the change of scenery

the hike, the time alone,

the time with loved ones

will make it better.

I take the big bird tomorrow,

will be gone for awhile,

and if some had their way

I would never return,

but I will...

just not as soon as I would like,

and yet sooner than is possibly best for me.

Officially, my summer has come to an end.

Today was the last day...

a deadline of sorts,

and now,
as hard as today has been,
it is over...

I will rise again, for

I AM BENNU.

All Good Things Must Come to an End

Sometimes

for a brief amount of time
great things can happen to a person
just a glimpse in the space time continuem
and then they are gone.

Such is my life

Ever since the end of May
I have had the pleasure of
enjoying a growth
that has truly surprised me
and delighted me
and today,

today the end is in sight

I know it will not last another week or two

I have done everything I could
I have taken precautions
to prolong the inevitable

I have taken time just to observe
and enjoy and revel in the glory
of the miracle
in my life each and every day

I even enlisted others to help me
to pamper
care for
and extend the life

of

my fingernails

Yes, boys and girls,

they grew very long over the summer

I had two manicures

which were great

and then it happened,

I broke one

I know not how,

I noticed it in the shower

I filed it and moved on

then another broke

and today,

today the longest one

my pinkie

showed me that it was too

broken...

it is only a matter of time

and they will all be short again

enduring the torture

I put them through on a daily basis

and with 22 5 year olds keeping me on my toes.

It is a sad sad day...


but the memories,

the memories will bring a smile to my face each time I think about the summer I had long fingernails.

I Have Created a Monster

Nearly every day I have been going to the pool

You know, 1 or 2 pm

staying til 6 or so

anyway, today I had to stay in my room and work
and I suddenly noticed how sleepy, well not really sleepy
but sluggish I felt
I looked at the clock and it was
1 pm,

I hadn't had lunch,
but I had a huge muffin
for breakfast

but man, I was was ready to lay down and read

and I couldn't
and in a few short weeks,

I won't be able to at all...

thank goodness I teach kinder,
we get a nap the first semester

I will be cured
by Christmas

but I can promise you that
I will still be in the pool
every day after school
as long as I can

The muse said today
I was becoming a recluse

Uh.. what?

I go out in public
wearing a swimsuit

I can't help it
if the public doesn't
show up at the pool... lol

Whatever Wednesday

Slept with my windows open last night,

It was cloudy yesterday so

it wasn't too hot

I got a decent night's sleep for once

in a long time.

Today,

well the same day as usual, almost

Walk,

grocery shop

work at school

sit by the pool all afternoon

and tonight...

hmmm I might actually cook

a wonderful dinner for myself

Someone was bbq'ing last night
and it really made me hungry for some real food

so we will see.

Have a great Wednesday,
Whatever you do.

Pool Passes available on request.

*(I am about to finish reading the 5th book of the summer, woohoo)

Hello, My Name is Bennu, and I am addicted...

to my swimming pool...lol

Today's List

Work in my classroom.... check (although I may never feel like I am getting much accomplished)

Eat lunch with RJ... check

Go to the pool for the afternoon...

I AM SO THERE>>>>

And

Go for my walk this evening...


Biggest decision today

hmmm what swimsuit will I wear today... ?

I already know I will take the Twister towel...lol

Have a great day!!!

pool passes available on request...

Bennu- World Traveler

My passport arrived today

I am so excited!!!

I didn't think I would be, but
I AM

Thank you, to the one

who suggested I get it

so that when I do have an

opportunity to travel overseas

I can take it, right away.

That little bit of mail

made a disappointing day

a much better one.

Happy Birthday to My Blog... albeit belated

My blog is one year old
well, one year and two days

the date escaped me
I have been doing good to remember
what day of the week it is

of course that will all change this next week
when I have places to be
and people expecting me


well wish my blog well,

I am off for a day with a man
who drove hundreds of miles,
just to see me

and tomorrow?

well tomorrow
I am driving to see
Mr. Duvall...
she smiles from ear to ear
and shrugs her shoulders with delight

Have a great weekend all,

I am due one.

Nothing is Certain

Broke my regular routine today.

Usually I go walking, which I did today.

Then I work on something or read, or
eat lunch

Then I go to the pool.

Today

well today,

I got up two hours earlier than usual

went for my walk

then went to school

to prepare my room for the new year

I had some help

RJ's teenage daughter, the dancer

came along.

We worked for about 4 hours, then

we went to the fabric store

and to eat Chinese food

My fortune doesn't really work with my favorite ending

It was

Be patient: In time, even an egg will walk. ... in bed?

well if it is talking about my eggs...well maybe, but

it just doesn't work as well as the Dancer's

which was

The only certainty is that nothing is certain... in bed...

NOW that I like, or maybe I don't...sometimes things are disappointing...in bed

and out.


Oh, and then I went to the pool for the rest of the afternoon...

Simply Nirvana

Today's List

Walk... did that
Grocery shop... did that
Take all the stuff out of the bottom shelves in the kitchen so the plumber can run the line for my icemaker.... did that
Buy a water filter for the icemaker.... did that
Lay out by the pool and read....

I AM SO THERE>...

pool passes available on request...

How to Recover From a Broken Heart

Get out of bed

Go for a 4 mile walk

Sit by the pool 2-4 hours a day

read mystery novels at the pool or inside where it is cool

eat dinner

watch tv

go to sleep

REPEAT
as needed

(so far it has been more than a month, and I am still not there, but I am working on it)

Technology- Friend or Foe?

Sometimes technology is my friend

Many times technology is my foe

Today it is the latter

So today's rant ensues

I have a dead Nikon camera

It has been dead for a year

My mom let me borrow her Sony last fall
I had it until Christmas, then I returned it

At school we have Sony's also

I have a very nice memory stick
It obviously only works with Sony's

I need a camera for personal use and
for school use

I am thinking

Hey, get a Sony, then you can use
that fancy stick and the card reader that goes with it

So today, in the mood to look at cameras
I venture to my less than favorite store
Best Buy
I do,
amazingly enough
get a great young lady that actually knows her cameras

I explain my dilemma
She informs me
None of the new Sonys use the memory stick that I have

They have a new fancy one,
A short one
Not a long one

*what? we went from long to short, that's not normal :)

anyway, long story short
I have a new "cheap" camera
with a new memory stick
a mail in rebate
and 20 dollars from some online flower shop (first week of school will be a good time to send myself flowers)

and a memory stick I can only use with a school camera,
which I started with.

It is all a ploy

A ploy to make us spend more money

for things that if they made them work together

we wouldn't need new ones (memory sticks)


The UPSIDE:

I can take pictures to post, which is part of what I have been wanting to do as well as use the camera at work.

BONUS: I think I wrote this entire post without one expletive... woo hoo...

Impending Doom

That feeling that something bad is about to happen and nothing you do can stop it.. yeah

I have had that for more than a day

Then today, it all came together

First it is the 11th and

one or more of you may know what that means

Second, my youngest child is once again

in trouble with the law

and I have to accompany him and his father

in court,

in August,

Right before I have to be at work the next day

now, I teach,

how fucked up is that? they could have had it anytime in June or July

and the day would not be a problem

but no, they chose to schedule it

one day before I am suppose to be at a faculty retreat

so I will be taking the
big bird in the sky

and not eating lunch for a semester. *plane tickets are expensive

so, to work off my

upsettedness (yes, a new word)

I did the dishes, yeah I know

I should have done them yesterday,

have I told you how much I hate washing dishes alone?

anyway, now I am off to find a floaty thing to sit on

in my POOL and

then I am spending the rest of the day

in my POOL.

Hopefully all the impending doom that is going to occur

has
and the rest of the day will be a relaxing one...

come on over and go for a dip...

pool passes available here.

Just a little Bragging and What my Day has in Store for Me

As of today I have gone

ONE WEEK

without drinking a Diet Coke
or any other carbonated beverage

woo hoo

My dentist will be so proud of me

Now, if I write a rant or two, you should be completely understanding...lol



Today, well here's the list

grocery shopping
laundry
finish Gap Creek, a book I have not enjoyed at all
continue reading suspense novel
sit by the pool after THEY clean it
clean out my refrigerator
clean my kitchen

now that sounds like a full day, but you know the majority of the time will be spent by the pool, or in the pool, as the case may be.

Have a great day everyone,

even you, the fellow who sings Happy Birthday like Mickey Mouse, if you are lurking around out there.

Gone Swimming

In MY POOL...

Life is good!!!

Yeah it is...;)

My Pool ROCKS

Today

Today I spent

Today I spent two and a half hours

at MY POOL

Well

yeah

it is a pool for the whole apt. complex

but I was the only one there


so it was like

My Pool

I sat in the lounge chair

I read my book

I drank my tea

I swam in the pool

I sat with my feet in the water

I got some sun

I enjoyed the quiet

I played in the water

I swam in the pool

I read my book

I drank my tea

I floated in the pool



and the best part...



the best part is

I DON"T HAVE TO

CLEAN IT

So all the perks of having your own pool

WITHOUT

paying for the water bill

having to clean the pool

having to maintain the pool


MY POOL ROCKS...

Come on over and go for a swim

A Glorious Ending to a Glorious Day

AS some of you know,
I read Savage Chickens every day.
I hadn't looked at today's,
because,

I have been busy

It has been a great day

First my 4 mile daily walk

yes, I really do
walk 4 miles every day

Today is the 3rd day in a row that

I HAVE NOT
had a DIET COKE

hold your applause til the end

I chose to take RJ's advice

and jump the guy that lives across from me...

oh wait that wasn't the one
at least not the advice I took
at least not yet

ok, ok, I went for

a manicure of my very own nails
a miracle in itself
they have grown so much since school was out

and no manual labor to mess them up,
like pool cleaning

*I bet he misses that... someone to clean the pool

oops.. sorry, sidetracked

anyway,

A manicure
and
A pedicure

by a man named David

Who also gave me a great
massage

my hands and feet of course

my back is too sunburned for a full body massage just yet

unless it is Mr. Duvall giving the massage ;)

Oh.. ok, back to the story

This evening was spent with my good friend
RJ

and his daughter

We had a great dinner at a musical dive
and then
we went to see

The Devil Wears Prada

movie review to follow tomorrow,

have to let it stew a bit...

so then I come home,

sit down to check email from

well...

I am not suppose to mention his name

and his initials are the same as some other initials

I am not suppose to mention...

but none the less, a very
nice email from
a very good friend

and then?

Well then I checked Savage Chickens

and it cracked me up,
on a personal level,

seeing as how the title is the nickname of my exhusband

and the blurb makes me think

of Walker trying to get his papers
to be able to come to the US

Enjoy!!!



Now you can applaud

UPDATE: The Pool Rant

The pool is gorgeous
The water is clear
and clean
and the decking around the pool
well, the decking is a cement like substance
that is not hot on your feet

I am feeling much better about things now..

I am sure I have something else to rant about now...

Like the degradation of our country...

but that will be another day...

I am going to the pool..

Words of Wisdom

Two weird days, yesterday and today.
Can't really pinpoint it
but it is like something is happening that I have no control over
and yet it will impact me greatly.
Every once in awhile I have these days...
so when I checked my horoscope yesterday,
just out of curiousity

it said:

You have control over most of the elements in your life right now,

but a few are still beyond your capacity to deal with.

This may be a very frustrating fact, but it's a fact nonetheless.

Try to look upon this loss of control as a freeing thing --
just let go and watch things happen for a while.
There is a good change coming soon
that could trigger a major turning point.
It's all about being a passive spectator until it comes.
Enjoy the show and roll with the punches.

And then today, there was another one
it said:

The best way to deal with the drama you've been dealing with is to just let it go.

It's time to get some healing done
for your psyche and your body.
The two are more closely related than you would think.
Find ways to address your physical needs through spiritual means.

so even if you don't believe in them, which I don't particularly, I always think it is interesting.

Happy 4th of July

Ok, so I am a day early
but I won't be here tomorrow
or the next day

but I will be back.

I did tell Walker where I was going
have to be safe and let someone know
where you are

Anyway,

here a few picture clues

Playing Games

This post is a tribute to my oldest son
whose nickname is Gavin

When he was 4 years old, his daddy,
newly divorced from me,
bought him the newest electronic game system for Christmas
Super Ninetendo
and the game that game with it
Super Mario World

My mother, for his birthday,
in January
bought him the book
You know,
The Insiders Secrets books
to Super Mario World

Now, the child was 5, just turned 5

He learned from looking at the pictures in the book
how to find all the hidden keys and passages

I would play it with him, but he was too good for me
My mom would play it with him, but he was too good for her

For Halloween the following year,
He dressed up as Mario
Complete with red cape and overalls
His little brother dressed up as Luigi
Complete with yellow cape
(my mom made both capes and I still have them)

And that is how it all began.

Next thing I know, he is a teenager
looking for a cool game to play with friends
so I turn him onto a game I played as a teenager
It has known to have controversy, but it is really harmless
Dungeons and Dragons
He finds a way to play it online,
interactively,
it turns to other games online
he is always on the computer
he is taking computer classes at school
he gets his first job working at a local computer shop
as a technician

then he decides he wants to be in Seattle
to go to school
to have a chance at a job in the computer field

He went in March,
He totaled the car I gave him for graduation in the first week
Then he found a place to live
Then he found a job
making sandwiches at Subway
Unfortunately, he is not a multitasker,
and he lost that job

When God closes a door, he opens a window
He found a cheap car and bought it
He got a job.... a good job,
An appropriate job...

He is working for


Ninetendo

making Ten Bucks an hour

testing Video Games....


And it all started when he was 4
and with a book that he used to teach himself

I am so proud of him...

I know it will lead to other things and that he will still go to school,
and I never thought I would be saying

My son makes a living playing video games

(yes, I did make them all play in moderation, until he was bigger than me and was taking care of his business around the house and at school, then I let him regulate it)

A proud mama moment, brought to you by Bennu.

Q and A

A few days ago I said you could ask me anything you wanted to know.

An idea I got from Vickie, who apparently got it from Skye, who says it was suggested by Walker... hmmm quite the circle isn't it?

Anyway, Walker, of Lost Here and Beyond asked a question that I am sure we have already discussed between the two of us, but I have chosen to put it down in words.

Walker asked

What do you want out of life as you get older and you're kids have grown up and started on their path.

I have thought a good deal about what I want and yet the things that first came to mind are the ones most important to me and I doubt many of them are much different than what other people would say.

I want the last great love of my life to come along before I am not in good enough shape to have wonderful world wide adventures with him.

I want to travel and have great adventures across the US and abroad

I want to spend the last of my days, after my adventures, on a beach, hopefully somewhat secluded, and enjoy each and every day.

I want my children to be successful in all their endeavors and keep a very close relationship with them.

I want to have great friends that I can be a great friend for.

I want to be happy... in all aspects of life, not just one or none at a time.

That is the short version... for you know I could be as long winded as Mr. H

Then an anonymous reader asked two questions... what bravery, first to ask anonymously, but then to ask, not one... but two... and don't think I don't have an idea of who you are... I do... so that is why I will answer them.

What would you change about yourself

1. something you consider a frivolos category/superificial/something that most people haven't noticed anyway but which bugs you about yourself

2. something you consider a significant category- that you know to be holding you back from your potential or something that people have said to you about changing?


IF I could change anything about myself it would be to hold my tongue more often and listen to others, esp. professionally. It isn't that I think I know it all, it is that I question and that makes people nervous and that turns to contempt. Or so it has in the past. AND THAT WAS the FRIVOLOUS one.

Now this one is going to sound like it should have been the frivolous one. I would like to get over my addiction to diet coke in the morning. My dentist has warned me that it is part of the problem with my teeth and I need to drink tea or coffee and lay off the sodas... which also interferes with my favorite Happy Hour beverage of choice. It will make a huge difference in saving my teeth... which I am still not convinced is worth the small fortune I have dished out to the dentist this year alone.

I know, I know, not near as exciting as all of you thought I was, or perhaps not as boring as all of you thought I was. Now if this has sparked additional questions or you have one but have not asked, the floor is still open, just ask.

In the mean time, have a great 4th of July... light a bottle rocket for me.

Rant

I have the swimming pool blues.

I was very much so enjoying my favorite pool and the company and then it was taken away in the blink of an eye.

I know, I know, get over it already...

My rant is about the swimming pool at my apt.

I chose my apt. as my new abode for several reasons.

First, the price was right.

Second, There are trees and it is a small complex so there is an intimacy factor of not just being one of the masses, or a number not a person.

Third, the swimming pool can be seen from my bedroom window.

Fourth, the swimming pool is right out my front door.

Fifth, the swimming pool is 6 feet deep at one end, hence I could practice diving off the edge... I don't care what the sign says, I love diving off a diving board and since my knee issue, I am not sure I can anymore...

AND THE F..ING POOL IS STILL NOT OPEN

First, they filled it and it looked good

Then, it turned green and had tree crap all in it

Next, they drained it, refilled it and hired a pool company to maintain it

Then, AGAIN, it turned green and had tree crap all in it

Once again, they drained it, then, right before I was gone, FOR A MONTH, they started drilling the plaster off the sides of it, making horrible noise all day... so I was glad I was going to miss that...

Then, on June 24th, yes, the 24th, I return, and they have still done nothing more than drilling rivets into the sides of the plaster.

Thursday, as I was leaving for my walk, I stopped and talked to the management, expressing my disgust as the pool and it's possibilities for helping me have a good summer were the main reason I moved here...

ok and the 40's style of things, and the wood floors, but I didn't mention those.

She said the pool would be open by the 4th of July.

They are going to replaster it and it has to set, but it will be open by Tuesday.

They didn't work on it on Thursday

They didn't work on it Friday

Today, Saturday, just as I was ready to walk out the door to take my walk, it started raining...

it rained for a good 45 minutes...

Who do you think I saw?

The pool plasterers

That's right, they put a tarp over the pool

Mixed their plaster and have started working.

I am not going to worry about the pool being ready by Tuesday

I won't be here anyway, but it better be ready when I get back,

I have shit to work through in my head,

I need to feel great about where I am, and that pool is at the center of that recovery process.

So... do you really think it will be ready by next Saturday? A week from today?

If wishing makes it so, then yes, it will...

but I have already learned that wishing for something you want so bad does not necessarily make it so.

What Would You Like to Know?

Each time I have a little more time to surf blogs I usually pick someone who has visited my blog first, and then the Must Reads of other blogs I read regularly. Miss Vickie of Beyond the Crossroads is quickly becoming a favorite of mine. One thing she did to help me get to know her better is to ask her readers what they would like to know about her.

Now I know I have many lurkers and few commenters and I love reading your comments so please leave some, and ask a question if you have one.

So... g'head, g'head...ask me... anything...

Salmagundi

or

Weird Day and Weird Shit


Last night Amused Muse and I went to the VFW and drank... I had it in my head that I should not just have my usual Parrot Bay Coconut Rum and Diet Coke but that I should make my favorite drink...

Poolside- Parrot Bay Rum, Capt. Morgan Spiced Rum, Blue Curacao, Pineapple Juice, Orange Juice and a splash of Sprite.

So I splurged and bought the additional spirits and juices.

It obviously does not take many of them to get me plastered. I only had one and then returned to my tried and true, PB and DC.... too much hassle for me right now... I am doing good to get my clothes not to clash and my shoes to match each other, with no concern of whether they go with what I am wearing or not.

The idea for the poolsides stem from our recent situation with our favorite pool. Our pool passes (virtual/real... you be the judge), have been revoked due to circumstances beyond our control. We had really gotten attached to that pool and of course to the owner... but WTF Shit Happens.

Anyway, it is one thing for my pool pass to be revoked, but Amused Muses... well I felt bad. So I stopped at the local Big Lots Store and bought a pool for her.

Ok, ok, so it isn't really a "pool"... it involves water, and it would be good to have while in the back yard sunbathing. It was a cheap version of a slip and slide... and a fun noodle, just to make her laugh... yesterday was a hard day for her, due to personal matters and it being an anniversary of the loss of her mother, so we both could use some light and breezy cheering up.

So what better to go with our pool than Poolsides...? Well it was the thought that counted. She drank beer...lol I am not a beer drinker.

Then we headed out to our favorite spot to sit, drink and be merry, the VFW. We had a good time... sat with our favorite regular, Mr. Keeper of the Beer, and tried to pretend all was right with the world... he is one smart cookie, he knew I was sad, even without knowing any of the shit that was going on with me. I didn't tell him either, and when Amused Muse and I arrived back at her house, we sat out in the yard for a few minutes and admired the stars, Big Dipper, wispy clouds and talked a bit... then my cell phone announced

You have a new message....

I opened it up to find a text message from Mr. Keeper of the Beer, that said ...

Tomorrow will be better...

awww how sweet.... that was quite a nice gesture... from a really nice guy that we talk to everytime we are there :)

Then we went to bed... it took me quite a while to fall asleep and then the next think I knew it was 3 am, then 4am...

Yes, I woke up every hour.... thinking about those things that won't leave my thoughts.... knowing that I have no control over anything other than how I choose to move on with my life and put myself back together...

The freaky thing was that when I finally gave up and got out of bed at 7 am, I could remember all the dreams I had last night...

which all were around the same theme... confrontational people coming up to me and wanting information... all the while I was looking at the face, to see what it looked like, because even though I know the person, I don't "know" the person confronting me... and I, out of morbid curiosity want to see their face.

Of course my response was not a diarrhea of the mouth of what truly went on that I was party to, but a simple statement of

You don't want to have this conversation... you really don't want to have this conversation...

so even in my dreams, I am unable to do what once would have been no big deal to me, no skin off my back, but now...

somehow now I know that it would do nothing but make me angry, cause more problems, and in the end I would feel bad that I hurt someone I love so dearly, obviously with an unconditional love that I have not felt for anyone else, not even my own children... now don't get me wrong, I love my own children unconditionally, but not in this way at all....

but those dreams... those dreams were quite disturbing and made me feel like I was the one who was ... was... "the bad girl"... and I am sorry, I wasn't... but I still feel like I was the enabler, and that is probably why I feel like I was the bad girl...

I am trying my best to stop drinking Diet Cokes in the morning, and today I "tested" a replacement that is an herbal tea with lots of caffeine in a bottle... for when I am on the run...well let's just say that it put a whole new meaning to the term "on the run" this evening...

I was bitchier than usual this morning, but I think that was not just due to my craving of a Diet Coke burning the back of my throat or the fizz tickling my nostrils.

I am still having panic attacks, but they are waning as are much of my other symptoms... so Mr. Counter of the Beer beware...lol...

I started reading one of my many books on my bookshelf I haven't read and there were some really good lines in it, that I may post on in the future. I had a good bit of time to read before Amused Muse stirred this morning.

Then we proceeded to put her bathroom back together after she had painted it last week. We had a good laugh over our terminology about rescrewing the brackets for her curtain rod back up...

it would make a great post for Walker to read on my Friday Fantasy Post on Bennu 2.

You screw that one and I will do this one.

Is it in yet?

Did you find the hole?

Are you sure you are in the right hole?

Did you put it in the top hole or the bottom hole?

Where's your rod?

Man, I screwed the wrong hole, I did the bottom hole and you did the top hole... now we aren't even.

Ok, rescrew the top hole... there isn't one there? Well then make one... Is it hard to screw without a hole?

Ok, now that is a straight rod.

and yes, people we were laughing our heads off and they were in the gutter... but it took the monotony out of the task... next we are going to rewire the switches and outlets, replacing the beige hardware with white hardware... that should be fun...

Then we started peeling the wallpaper border in her kitchen off. I was on the stepping stool for over two hours, spraying, peeling, washing, scrubbing, and will have at least that long tomorrow, if not 2 hours longer before we are finished. It will look so much better after we paint it. I am helping her and then she is going to help me paint a wall in my living room. That is a few weeks away though I think.

For payment she bought me dinner at a local Chinese restaurant and as usual, here is my fortune... I must say, when I add the ending, it is much more intriguing than when I don't...

New financial resources will soon become available to you.... in bed

I guess I will dream that I win the lottery? hmmm... what do you think?

then we watched two Sex in the City episodes and she has gone to take her bath and go to bed, and here I am, after having my only carbonated soda for the day mixed with some rum... two drinks I can get out of one can of diet RC cola (not as much caffeine in the evening) which I savored every mouthful and every swallow... yes I swallowed...

give me a break, I need to have some fun where I can find it.

500 Miles and a Day Later

I am home. I took many more pictures than I have posted. My mom wanted to know why I didn't email them to myself... ummmm it is too much trouble with her limited computer capabilities to email myself over 200 photos... I just downloaded them onto her computer. She has them, and next time I am there, I will have access again. I am sure it will not be that long before I go to visit again.

I return home with very mixed emotions. There are many fresh skeletons in my closet that I must deal with and work at moving forward with my life. I have a plan, I have some goals, I will post them here at some point, but right now, I am working at keeping my composure from one minute to the next. Some minutes are better than others...

The pool is still torn up... which sucks because Amused Muse and I were getting spoiled with a pool close by to sit, drink, and enjoy the water and company... but unfortunately, our pool passes were revoked along with all our other perks... bummer

Tomorrow I am hanging out with her for the evening... we will be drinking poolsides at the VFW tomorrow evening and checking out the wildlife...

You know... get back in the swing of things. The only swing I want to get back in is the porch swing. Fighting it... trying not to, but that is my MO, just the way I am made....

Another Parrot Bay and Diet coke please...

Fauna of Palo Duro Canyon

I saw much more than these, but the opportunity to take a picture wasn't available with the rabbits, birds...other than the eagle, other lizards and big flying bugs I couldn't discern what were.

I was wishing I would see a horny toad, but the ants were of the wrong hue.

Palo Duro Canyon from the Canyon Floor

Palo Duro Canyon... From the Rim

An Oasis in the Desert

Various views of my mom's backyard. It is very peaceful and shady... when the dogs aren't barking or licking me and there is enough wind the mosquitoes aren't out...

Actually, it is a good place to relax and think and have conversations with mom.

I Just Want to Go Home... oh wait, supposedly I am there...

For all practical purposes, I have not been in my apartment for a MONTH, yes a whole Month... for more than 4 weeks I have been cooking, cleaning dishes (which I abhor) helping do things I don't normally do...

For example: for my mom, I feed and water 5 little chihuahua puppies several times a day, let them out in the yard to run around and play and watch to make sure they don't drown in the pond. Most of the time, I don't mind, and the first two weeks of the month I have not been home, I really enjoyed, but now I am starting to wish I had my own bed to sleep in. My pet and smoke free abode, where if I don't feel like eating I don't have to cook.

Don't get me wrong, I love cooking. There is nothing I enjoy more than a meal cooked at home, whether by myself or in conjunction with someone else. I have just not done this much cooking in a very long time, and then to cook a meal practically every day, sometimes 2 or 3 meals, well it is beginning to take it's toll. Especially when I enjoy having others to chat with, or cook with and that has been absent for me. Today I cooked fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy and had salad to go with it. My mom was within 10 feet of me, but she was busy with a number puzzle from the newspaper and her only comment was such a strange one I thought someone else was talking through her. It's Wednesday she said... You should call.

What? Who are you talking to?

You.

Call who? I ask

well that is as far as I am going with that... but it isn't like her to tell me that or sound that way.

I have officially been here 8 days. Normally I stay 5, so it is rare that we make it this far. Well today the signs that I should go home soon raised their ugly heads so I am sure that I will be home sooner than some thought and later than some wished.

In the mean time, I went to a great deal of trouble to chase down 2 fresh, never frozen chickens, fry them and then revel in how great they tasted, so here are a few pictures to make you either gross out or salivate, depending on your preference of fried chicken.

Pretty Place Pictures

The Pretty Place Text

Mother and I drove to a roadside park on the South East side of Palo Duro Canyon. The state park is only a small part of this huge canyon. The Prairie Dog fork of the Red River runs through this area and we drove over the river bed. There wasn't much water in it. We went late in the afternoon/evening so I could watch the sunset from the view point that most of these pictures was taken.

A few days ago there was quite a bit of rain in the area so everything turned very green very fast. It is much greener here than around my mom's house. Other than her yard and plants of course. Those pictures will follow in the next couple of days, although I have tried to write a post to go with them. I haven't had much luck on her computer, and if I don't get them posted before I go home, I won't have them. All pictures were taken with her camera and I am hoping I can get a camera of my own soon. It sucks not having a camera when I see something I would like a picture of, or a person I would like to have a picture of.

Anyway, this is a very magical place for me. I stood at the overlook, and watched the scenery change as the sun moved toward the horizon. There were two birds, I think they were eagles, but they never got close enough for me to tell for sure, catching the wind as it tunneled through the road cut in the canyon wall and riding it for all it was worth. I didn't' see either of them flap their wings a single time. There is a picture of one of them here and I had zoomed in on him as close as I could with the camera I had. If you click on it, it will be bigger, but probably not clear enough to tell for sure. I would like to think they were both eagles.

I stood, I prayed, I felt a calmness come over me and I felt a little closer to God. It isn't difficult here, it is a very beautiful place for me. I haven't shared it with anyone except family before, at least not in person. I hope you like it and if you ever get a chance to see the canyon, whether here or Palo Duro Canyon State Park, I highly recommend it. The one picture I took at dusk, I don't have the tools on this computer to lighten it, but I wanted it to show the deep red clay dirt of the canyon and the purples that show at dusk. The sunset was not a painted sunset, but it was a good one just the same.

The Pretty Place

Here is one more, just before Dusk

Movie and Book Recommendations

Garden State

Something's Gotta Give

Last of the Mohicans



that's a start, or then again you could read

The Time Traveler's Wife
or
A Salty Piece of Land

Big Sky Country

My view on the way home from Amarillo to my mom's. The dark spots on the ground are the shadows of the clouds. There were exceptionally pretty clouds on Saturday, so I took a pic of them too.

There's No Place Like Home

I arrived in the middle of the night after my guardian angel kept me company on the 10 hour drive. It would have been a shorter drive except there was a 2 hour delay while some rescue people tried to help a car that had rolled over numerous times on the highway just when I was less than 2 hours from my mom's house. The time flew by as my angel on the phone kept me talking and my mind on other things.

I have taken some pictures to share, but this computer needs a new monitor, it is on it's last legs and I get drunk just typing this post or talking to Walker, so I will not attempt pictures for a few days. Until then, may your guardian angel watch over you and help you make the best choices for your life.

Preparations

Today I make preparations for a journey.

A journey home.

The premise is to see my mother.

The truth is to find some peace and rejuvenate while spending some time reminiscing and visiting with my mother.

While there, I hope to:

Sit in the sun by the pond and listen to the waterfall soothe my soul.

Visit Palo Duro Canyon and hike around a bit. Perhaps ride the Sad Monkey Railroad, since I never have.

Rollerblade around WTAMU.

Walk everyday, all over town. Walk by my favorite houses that I miss seeing. (Yes, I have certain houses in town that I really like and would like to see)

Play Scrabble

Read, Read, Read

Sit out by the pond with my mother and chat, about nothing most of the time, but sometimes she tells me things about when she was young that I didn't know before.

I would love to swim, but there is no pool, I will have to come home for that.

I will see my son and spend some time with him. I hope it goes well.... we are just so different.... pray for us both, we need some healing to have a great relationship.


My preparations include washing the car, loading things to take to my mother, which includes two tables, leaving my abode ready to be empty indifinitely, and washing clothes and packing them. Have a great week everyone, I will be posting after I arrive and attaching pictures while I am there to show what is "home" to me. You might say it is barren wasteland, but there are things I miss, besides blending in as far as my intonation and accent on words is concerned.... I am not the one with an accent, you are...lol

Have a great week.

Booty Call #2

That's right folks, the handyman strikes again.

This time it was an invitation to drive to Dallas, camp out and attend Nascar Races... woo hoo...

oh yeah, that's right, you think I might like Nascar...right? Well technically I can't say I don't, since I have never been... but a hot weekend in a hot tent, with someone I have only been out with ... well, technically, ONCE... ummm I don't think so.

I kindly declined, and since I should be packing for my own journey North on Monday, I chose to use that as the reason why. Anyway, it was nice to get an invitation....

Right now my dance card is retired for awhile.... recovery time needed for my heart and head, but thanks for making me feel good.